{grace words wednesday} : when it feels like Jesus is across the lake

"when Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake ..." ~ mark 5:21

can you see the father pacing on the beach? the daddy whose daughter lay dying. the desperate papa wild with fear for his child. the synagogue leader standing helpless on the shoreline ... searching for Jesus.

Jesus who was out on a boat.
Jesus who was across the lake.
Jesus who was busy healing others.

can you imagine the man weak at water's edge scanning the thin line of horizon. waiting. wondering. wringing his hands in the anxiety of what if?

what if Jesus doesn't come in time?
what if Jesus can't help?
what if she dies?

we feel a little like that father sometimes,
don't we?

when our child has an issue or an illness or an incredibly challenging problem. we pace the shoreline wondering where God's deliverance is.

maybe even wondering where God is ...

i have felt like that father in mark chapter 5.

the very week we began the adoption of our daughter, bella, we were told she had gone into respiratory/cardiac distress and been hospitalized. while we were signing papers and readying documents and gearing up for a year long pursuit of this tiny girl from china, she was undergoing emergency open heart surgery half a world away.

bella was 18 months old and she spent four weeks recovering in a hospital. alone.

and there wasn't anything we could do about it. not one single thing.

on the other side of the world we paced for an entire year, not knowing much about how she was doing. updates were limited -- scarce, in fact. when we pleaded to find out more, we'd get a response like, "she's doing better" or "she's doing fine."

but you mamas and daddies know that "better" and "fine" don't quite cut it when your child is sick and 7,000 miles away.

as parents we want to DO SOMETHING.

from july 2009 until july 2010, i paced, i prayed, i pleaded with God to speed up the adoption and bring this little girl home to her family.

and if i'm honest, at times it felt like Jesus was on the other side of the lake ... out on a boat ... busy with someone else.

in mark chapter 5, Jesus returns to the fear-ridden father on the beach.

His boat hit the shoreline and in the middle of the assembled crowd stood jairus ... still there ... still waiting.

"then one of the synagogue leaders, named jairus, came, and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet. he pleaded earnestly with him, 'my little daughter is dying. please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.' so Jesus went with him." ~ mark 5:23-25

did you get that? he.fell.at.His.feet.  i don't know if it was in desperation or in relief or maybe just in plain old exhaustion, but jairus, the powerful synagogue leader, fell at the feet of Jesus and began to plead for the life of his daughter.

this month, many of you have joined me in a 31 day prayer challenge, praying for our kids. we are already into week two and i don't know about you, but it has blessed me to intentionally fall at the feet of Jesus each morning and plead on behalf of my five. i've been praying for and with and about my kids for years, but something about this intentionality feels different. it's more like that pacing ... like wearing a path in the sand ... because of continual, regular, scheduled, committed prayer.

isn't that how we're supposed to pray 365 days for our kids? for ourselves? for everything? shouldn't there be a path well worn in the sand ... a patch of carpet threadbare by our bedside?

i'm not always that kind of pray-er -- but i want to be. when i encounter burdens or bruised living, i want it to be the first instinct, the first impulse, the first idea ...

oh friend, i don't know what kind of desperate pacing is taking place in your home right now. i don't know what kind of concerns or worries or heartbreak is keeping you up at night. but i do know each of you probably has something which you'd like to leave at the feet of Jesus. chances are there is (or has been) something about your child which keeps you on your knees. something which makes you look to the horizon wondering: where is Jesus?

because sometimes in our frailty we, like jairus, fear those same what ifs. what if Jesus isn't enough?

and just like in life, this story in mark 5 isn't clean cut and quick. no, it goes on with several interruptions. in the midst of their conversation about the daughter of jairus Jesus turned and healed a totally different woman. i know jairus had to be thinking, "hurry Jesus. come with me. forget all these other people. i need you. now. focus Jesus! Jesus ...Jesus ... Jesus!"

and, if that wasn't enough, just as they were about to leave, some people appear from the girl's bedside saying, "your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher anymore?"

jairus could have given up. turned away. shuffled home.

but Jesus overhearing them replies, "don't be afraid; just believe."

i know sometimes it feels like Jesus is far away -- (across the lake). it feels like surely He has too much else to do -- (healing another person). it feels like the situation is hopeless -- (your daughter is dead).

i know.

but friend, hold tight to His answer, "don't be afraid; just believe."

Jesus is always around. always available. and always able.

 "when they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, 'why all this commotion and wailing? the child is not dead, but asleep.' ... He took her by the hand and said to her, “talitha koum!” (which means 'little girl, I say to you, get up!'). immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around ..." ~ mark 5:38-42

one year after our daughter's life saving surgery in china, she came home. healthy. heart fully pumping. healed. i'll never forget our appointment with the cardiologist in that first week of her arrival. i'll never forget the doctor (who wasn't a believer) looking at bella's heart in the ultrasound room and declaring, "it's amazing. it's a miracle."

"don't be afraid; just believe."

"talitha koum!"

{grace-words: believe * around * available * able * talitha koum!}

Jesus, you encourage us: "come to me all who are weary and burdened ..." all who wring their hands and worry through their days and wonder about the great what ifs.  "come to me."  Father God, let our paths be well worn as we come. let us learn to bring our burdens and our fears before you. teach us, like the desperate daddy, jairus, to even fall at your feet and listen for your voice, "don't be afraid; just believe." a-men.

linking up again this morning for {grace words} with becky crenshaw over at The Word of God and a Cup of Joe ...  "if your kids resist Jesus."

more than enough

Rarely, are there any leftovers.

The dinner hour screams through and by the time my kitchen closes down for the evening -- dishes done, counters wiped, garbage emptied -- there's hardly a crumb.

And if there is an odd bit left, it's usually gone by 9 pm when the bedtime snackers re-enter, re-open and re-mess up said kitchen.

I'd call them mice, but they are teenagers. 

And there's absolutely nothing mousey about a teen who grows two inches each day and wears a size 11 shoe. Nothing minuscule about them at all. They don't nibble, they gnaw. They don't scurry, they scavenge. They're not mice, they're mammoths. And, what’s more, they bring friends ...  read more ...

to read more ... please head over to {in}courage!

delighted to be featured today at {in} courage!

new friends visiting from {in} courage: please check out my even the sparrow facebook page  i'd love  you to join me this month for a 31 day prayer challenge: praying MORE for our kids!

31 day prayer challenge : prayer words for october!

i just LOVE that so many of you are joining me in this prayer challenge. i'm absolutely over the moon knowing there's this sweep of parents (and grandparents) PRAYING each morning, every day, joining purposefully together for our children -- God's children. it's been such a blessing to me already this week to know we are united for God's Kingdom purpose.

so, here's the deal ---
i was only going to use my even-the-sparrow facebook page to update the daily prayer prompts, but many of you have written that you have avoided facebook ("like the plague," and i quote) ... so, i'm going to make it easier for you to follow along if you don't desire to come over to the dark side of facebook. (smile).

i will use this post -- yes, this same post -- right here -- on this very page -- to post each day's word and scripture. i've already included the first three days below. and i can easily update as we go.

i'm happy to provide an easy fix to unite us in our month of praying for our precious children!

if you somehow found yourself here and don't know what this prayer challenge is ... first of all, WELCOME! second of all, you need to know, so... click HERE and it will direct you to my original post from last week which explains it better.

Lord, thank you for leading in this challenge ... and thank you for pricking the hearts of parents across this land. we love our kids, but we know that you love them MORE. so we pray MORE for them ... MORE blessing, MORE purposefully, MORE often. Your Will Jesus, not ours in the lives of these gifts you've entrusted to us. Your Will Jesus. we surrender them this month, and always, to the Father who knows MORE than even us, mothers and fathers, what these kids need to be drawn closer to life with You. a-men.

october prayer prompts:

 october 1 - HEART

october 2 - GRATITUDE

october 3 - CHARACTER

october 4 - GENTLENESS

october 5 - PEACE

october 6 - SELF CONTROL

october 7 - FRIENDSHIPS

october 8 - DREAMS

october 9 - HEALTH

october 10 - GENEROSITY

october 11 - PATIENCE

october 12 - ATTITUDE

october 13 - PURITY

october 14 - CONFIDENCE

october 15 - BOLDNESS

october 16 - WISDOM

october 17 - UNITY

october 18 - PERSEVERANCE

october 19 - JOY

october 20 - RIGHTEOUSNESS

october 21 - FUTURE

october 22 - COMPASSION

october 23 - TRUTH

october 24 - WILLINGNESS

october 25 - HUMILITY

october 26 - LOVE

october 27 - PRAYER

october 28 - PASSION

october 29 - REST

october 30 - CONTENTMENT

october 31 - EXCELLENCE

i want to be a desperate housewife! ..................{grace-words-wednesday}

america's desperate housewives have received a good bit of attention in the past decade. though they wrapped up their eight seasons on wisteria lane last year, these sassy suburbanites aren't entirely out of the picture. in fact, the desperate housewives series gave name to the more recent series on bravo, the real housewives. maybe you've heard of them. they seem to be popping up everywhere: orange county, new jersey, miami, and atlanta. in fact, last year, before we moved to minnesota (do you think, by the way, there's any talk of a minnesota version?), i even sat next to one at the nail salon back in georgia.

she didn't look all that different from the other ladies in the salon, except that where most customers just brought along a purse and a magazine, she brought with her a small camera crew.

i'll be honest, it wasn't the most relaxing pedicure i've ever had. i guess i just don't relax well with three men and a massive camera pointed a few feet away from my feet. the entire time i worried they'd somehow capture that scunge which was being picked out from behind my toenails ... or maybe the nice little bunion i had forming on my left foot. gross, i know -- sorry, just keeping it real here. anyway, the entire time i had visions of that foul "footage" being broadcast across america. i only hoped they'd blur my face and leave out my name.

the real or desperate or whatever housewife sitting next to me had a bedazzled black t-shirt, but despite all the bling, i couldn't quite read what it said. i'm sure it was something really cute and clever though. i don't remember her name, (you'd have to ask my daughters) but she talked loudly and a lot and quite a bit about herself, and, if i'm being honest here, i'd have to tell you i didn't much care for her at first impression.

except that i sort of want to be her.

yes, you read that correctly. i want to be a desperate housewife.

really, i do.

des·per·ateˈ
despərit/ (adjective) 1. feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

okay jody, where are you going with this? i know you're sitting there thinking this time it's official, you've lost me here, girlfriend. what's so great about being desperate? i suppose we don't ever think about "being desperate" as a good thing.

but DESPERATE is the very thing which DRIVES us closer to Christ. 

the truth is, like it or not, we just tend to seek Him faster, harder, deeper when we're desperate. aren't i right?

king david wasn't a housewife, but he sure as heck was desperate. in so many of his psalms he seems to be at the end of his rope ... completely helpless ... utterly hopeless ... in despair over his own sin and even, fighting for his own life.

psalm 143 
Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgment with your servant, 
for no one living is righteous before you.
For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;

he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.
I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah
Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to you for refuge.
Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground! Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,for I am your servant.

if those bold-faced words don't sound desperate, i don't know what does. "i stretch out my hands to you ... my soul thirsts for you ... answer me quickly ... my spirit fails ... deliver me ... o Lord, preserve my life!"

david is fighting for his life.

david is flat on his face.

david is DESPERATE for a redeemer.

and this very real housewife in minnesota sometimes thinks that when life gets kind of comfy on wisteria lane or wherever ... she loses that kind of desire. she forgets that she's completely lost and hopeless and wretched (yes, wretched) without Christ.

i read the verbs of psalm 42 and matthew 5  ... and i have to wonder why i don't always have that kind of insatiable desire for my savior.

"as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. 

my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
when can i go and meet with God?" ~ psalm 42: 1-2

"blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
for they shall be satisfied." ~ matthew 5:6

that's what i want. i want to hunger and thirst and even pant after the things of Jesus. but in order for that to happen, this woman needs to see herself as she truly is: starved and dehydrated ... utterly desperate.

... think of the blind man who first experiences light.
... consider the prisoner when his shackles dissolve.
... contemplate the cancer patient declared free.
... how about the wayward son who is welcomed home.
... or the emaciated refugee who is finally fed.

that's desperate.

mark clapson, in an article on "history today," writes this,

"Desperate Housewives, the American TV hit series set in  Wisteria Lane, is just the latest in a long line of portrayals of suburbia to show women as troubled creatures in paradise. Behind the manicured hedges and the weather-boarded walls of their comfortable homes, suburban women are apparently desperate because they are discontented."

dear one, i hope we are a little discontented with what this world has to offer. it's not enough. clapson is correct, our "manicured hedges and weather-boarded walls" aren't going to cut in the end. sure, they're nice now. of course we like our comforts and we long for our little luxuries. i get it. but let's never stop seeing ourselves as the desperate people we truly are. not desperate for stuff, but desperate for a savior.

the desperate housewives series might accurately portray the general discontentment of humanity, but you only have to watch 5 minutes of an episode to realize it doesn't come close to providing the accurate answer for satisfaction.

somehow in all this suburbia desperation they mention everything except the only answer for our dry and discontented lives -- Jesus. Jesus meets us in our desperation and He, alone, satisfies. "blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they shall be satisfied." when we peer longingly over the fences of our pretend paradises, we realize how hopeless we are in ourselves and in our stuff.  my prayer, that in our hopelessness, we would turn desperate and press into Jesus.

and that's the real hope, the perfect hope, the only hope for this desperate housewife.

{grace-words:  desperate * thirst * hunger * hope * satisfy}

Jesus empty me of myself, that i might hunger and thirst for you.  show me how desperate i truly am, that i might drop so low i can only cling to your feet. it's easy to get caught up in all that is comfortable, but comfort doesn't truly satisfy. help me in my desperation be driven to the One who does -- You, Jesus.  real comfort, real redemption, real hope. a-men.

don't forget to head over to my friend, becky's blog! she's got some {grace words} for you this morning too! you won't want to miss her post on the word of God and a cup of joe!

and another (good) thing ...

i know i've been throwing an awful lot at you in these past couple of days ... a new facebook page ... a 31 day prayer challenge ... and a weekly, wednesday morning devotional.  

geez louise, jody lynn! take a breath already!

BUT... i have great faith in your abilities to keep up with my kind of crazy! i know you're with me. and i have a hunch that a few of you are just as cray-zeee.

 and friends, the fun isn't over! i've got one more thing i want to introduce to you. 

yes. yes, i do.

please welcome my sweet friend, becky crenshaw! she comes to you from the happy state of tennessee and she's also a blogger/writer/speaker/sister! you'll find becky writing over at the word of God and a cup of joe. check her out! i really do wish you could hear her cute accent. i promise, you would just want to sit right down and listen to her speak all the day long! but read her words ... this gal has some good stuff to say. she writes from the heart -- raw, real and really, really beautifully! 

and if you're here, you'll want to also be there.

each wednesday morning, becky and i are going to link up our blogs and facebook pages for our {grace words} devotional. that basically means she's going to write one piece and i'm going to write one piece and we're going to link to each other -- kind of like a little party ... or, if you're one who loves a good deal,  two for the price of one!

in fact, eventually, we will open up this party thing to other devotional writers and link along with them as well! it's all fun and it's all good and mostly, it's all for His Glory.

tomorrow morning...6am (CST) and 7am (EST) ... (gets a little confusing when minnesota meets tennessee) ... we'll be posting our {grace words wednesday}... 

prayer challenge day two will also be posted! 

we'd love you to begin your day with us!

"more of" ... a 31 day challenge for parents

so, i'm curious ... what is one thing you could do more of for your children?

let me first tell you what i think your answer isn't going to be ...

it isn't going to be...
   more laundry.
   more meals.
   more money.
   more treats.
   more driving.
   more privilege.
   more movies.
   more trips to the mall.

am i right?

i'm pretty sure none of you were tempted to go down one of those paths. for the most part, we already do an awful lot for our kids. we give them an awful lot -- perhaps, at times, even too much.

no, i'm not sure my kids need more of anything at the moment ... i mean clean laundry and healthy meals are good things, but if i had to be selective, i can't say i'd put them at the very top of my list.

now, i'm not assuming we all think exactly alike, but i have a hunch that a few of you might have answered you would like to pray more for your children ... maybe even pray more with your children.

so maybe it was just a few of you or maybe it was most of you ... regardless, i bet some of you do want to pray more.

funny! because lately, that's been on my heart too! (so glad we're talking here today).

perhaps it's because i have five of them, and somedays praying for (or with) five kids takes an awful long time -- we have a boatload of issues and needs to address in our household ... but, truly, i think it's mostly just a parenthood thing. doesn't really matter if you have two children or twenty, you probably would like to be better about bringing them before God's throne. because regardless of the number of children in your home, they all pretty much need to be prayed for. now, if you do happen to have 20 children shuffling around under your roof and calling you mom, please let me know, and sister i will add YOU to my prayer list for sure!

so, i have an idea:  (that phrase always worries my children) how about we do that! how about we join together and pray for our kids?

we are about to flip the calendar to a brand new month -- october! (my personal favorite). what if we all virtually come together, bow our heads, kneel before Him and cover our kids in prayer.

what if we even call it something special like a 31 day prayer challenge?

what if we make a commitment and even put our name on it? i don't want to stress you out, but maybe we even write it down! make it real ... draw our line in the dirt ... stake Christ's claim on our kids.

what if?

now before you slam your laptop shut and run away shrieking ...  just think about it.

consider joining with me this month and committing to a focused 31 days of prayer for our kiddos. i know commitment is hard. i get it. lately, i have a hard time committing myself to a one-a-day vitamin. i understand. but it really won't be between you and me ... it's between you and God. and it's for your kids ... and what's more, it works!

i mean, i don't know about you, but i could use a little revival in my house this month. i've got some kids (and they've got a mother) who need a little bit of prayer intervention. you know what i'm saying?  i'm hearing the grumbling, i'm watching the resistance, i'm aware of the attitude and i'm sensing the self-centeredness ... and i'm talking about me as much as i'm talking about them.

bottom line: i'm looking for God to do a holy work in this home. and i wouldn't mind some company if your'e willing to come along. whether you have a three year old or a 43 year old, i bet you still want to pray for your child.

i'll say it again, i am looking for God to do a holy work in this home. and after 17 years of parenting, i am more convinced than ever it doesn't begin with me and my mother-power, it begins with prayer and God's power.

many years ago, i read stormie omartian's book, the power of a praying parent. it's definitely up in the top of five of my must-reads for parenthood. half my book is underlined from my time spent in its pages. this gal may have a crazy kind of name, but, believe me, she's got some really good stuff to share ... she writes:

I believe that being a parent is becoming more and more difficult each year because of what our children are exposed to and bombarded with everywhere they turn. But we don't have to be worried sick, dreading what is around the corner, or fearing the worst. We don't have to be tossed to and fro by every new stage and age and trend and fad. We have the power to make a big difference in our children's lives through prayer. That doesn't mean we abdicate our responsibilities as parents. It means we partner with God to raise our children as we pray for every aspect of their lives.

Praying for our children doesn't mean that nothing will ever go wrong in their lives. But when it does, we don't have to beat ourselves up for not being perfect parents. Besides, it's not being a perfect parent that makes the difference in a child's life, for there are no perfect parents. It's being a praying parent that makes a big difference. And that's something we can all be."

so, would you join me?

i know somedays we are all so busy "doing" for our kids, we forget to stop and pray for them. if you asked me which is more important, i would surely answer you: prayer! but, even knowing (and believing) that text book answer, doesn't mean i am good at it.

i kneel every day to empty the washing machine or to tie a shoelace or scratch something sticky off my kitchen floor but do i truly remember to kneel every day on behalf of my children?

is it more important for them to be covered in clean clothes or to be covered in holy prayer? we all know the answer ... but somedays it's hard to put down the chores and rise up to the challenge. it's as choice. but i know how it works (at least in my home):   somedays we choose to handle it ourselves instead of handing it over to Him.

my plan is simple ...

each day i will post a PRAYER WORD on my even the sparrow facebook page  (please join me there if you haven't already). i will post one word and a scripture verse to go along with it. i'm sure that word might mean something different for each of you ... or even for each of your children. it's just a prompt. that's all. i am not promising anything here except a simple and committed prompt to pray ... God takes care of the rest. that's His department, not mine. (a-men)!

i'd love to hear from you. leave a comment. leave your favorite verse on prayer. let me know how it's going ... or just leave your name and a smiley face or a cute emoji and i'll pray for you as you pray for your kids. and feel free to pass this along to a friend or two.  let's see what happens in this harvest month of october when we choose daily to pray MORE.

"devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” ~ colossians 4:2

october prayer topics for our kids ....  heart * gratitude * character * gentleness *   peace * self-control * friendships * dreams *  health * generosity * patience * attitude * purity * confidence * boldness *  wisdom * unity * perseverance * joy * righteousness * future *  compassion * truth * willingness * humility *  love * prayer * passion * rest * contentment *  excellence

"and this is the confidence that we have toward Him, 

that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us.

 ~ 1 john 5:14 

again, here's the link to my facebook page where i'll be posting daily prayer prompts in this month of october. join me there or click on the following link which will also be updated daily with the prompts from my blog. 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jody-McNatt-even-the-sparrow/182617438580535

OR you can check out THIS POST which i'll update each day with new prayer prompts here on the blog! 

as my 5 year old likes to say, "easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy!"

our new friend, phyllis

her name tag said phyllis.

but i didn't notice that at first. when you're at the supermarket and a woman steps from behind the deli counter and approaches you ... her name tag isn't the first thing you notice.

but phyllis was headed directly for me.

let me back up a minute. just prior to the advance of this deli counter-woman named phyllis, bella was running out ahead of my cart. i hadn't quite cleared the produce aisle and little miss had already turned the corner, camping out in front of a beanie babies display. a display which just happened to be across from the deli counter.

think grocery store layout ... you get it.

anyway, bella was rummaging through the beanie babies at the speed of an obsessed five year old. she was picking out one after another and clutching them closely to her chest.  and before i even reached her she was already begging.

"puuullleeeasseee mama... puuullleeeasssee, mom, can i get one. puuullleeeasssee!"

begging doesn't even begin to explain the full court press my kindergartner was laying on me.

beginning my hunt in the cheese section for the right sized wheel of brie, i barely glanced up, "no bella. no stuffed animals today."

"puuullleeeeaaase mama!"

"i said no bella. we have too many stuffed animals at our house as it is.  you don't need another one honey. now please go put it back."

"but mama ..."

"---no, bella. that's final." 

you know the scene. you've probably witnessed it a a couple hundred times yourself. it happens every day in grocery stores all across america, right? kids whining for candy bars and packs of gum and beanie babies. beanie babies??? what are beanie babies doing in the grocery store anyway???

she stomped back toward the beanie baby display with her stuffed ladybug swinging at her side. her chin at her chest, her arms crossed in dismay, and her shoulders slumped in complete disappointment -- her mama had said no.

that was when i saw phyllis heading my way.

"excuse me," she said approaching, "but would you let me buy her the stuffed animal?"

honestly, i just stared at her. it took a good minute or so to comprehend what she was asking.

was the lunchmeat lady from behind the counter really asking me if she could purchase a stuffed ladybug for my daughter? i felt confused. muddled. unsure.

why was she offering?

"you see," she went on to say, "i have $5 in my pocket and i would really like to buy that  for her. it would bring me joy to get that stuffed animal for your little girl. i like to do this from time to time..." she faltered for a second, "it ... it... blesses me."

i was speechless.

i kind of wanted to say no -- just for the fact that  bella was doing her very best to continue her almighty pout and protest over at that rack of stuffed critters. i shouldn't give in. she didn't deserve this nice lady's offer.

not to mention this sweet woman who worked at the deli didn't need to be spending that $5 in her pocket. i wanted to encourage her to save it for her break. buy herself a coffee or a soda or an ice cream. she didn't need to do this for my little girl with a bedroom full of beanie babies ... my little girl who from the level of her pout clearly hadn't been told "no" enough.

but phyllis looked me right in the eyes and said, "please. would you please allow me? it would bring me joy."

and looking into the eyes of this woman, there was nothing i could say except --- "yes."

" yes, that is very kind of you. yes, you don't have to do this for her, but yes, we accept your gift. it is very sweet. very generous."

i stumbled over my words.

i was overwhelmed with her kindness.

i was awkward in my gratitude.

i did my best to make sure bella knew that this lady that we didn't even really know was doing something exceptionally nice for her. and we hadn't even ordered one slice of lunchmeat!

i'm sure i asked bella to say thank you to miss phyllis no less than 15 times.

i just didn't know how to graciously accept this unexpected, undeserved, unmerited gift.

because sometimes we don't.

we just don't know how to accept something which is freely given.

kind of like with Christ.

He has this amazing gift of grace for us ... eternal life, in fact ...and we dance around awkwardly thinking, "i don't need it ... everything's pretty okay here ... i can purchase it myself ... i don't need any help ... i don't deserve it ... why me? ... nothing is for free ... what's the catch?"

that's kind of how we feel about God's gifts sometimes, isn't it? because grace is exactly that -- unexpected. undeserved and absolutely 100% unmerited.

that's what makes it grace! beautiful catch-me-off-guard-at-the-deli-counter-grace!

"for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  ~ romans 6:23

"for by grace you have been saved through faith. and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."  ~ ephesians 2:8

pretty amazing, huh?

so, i just had to share this story tonight.

nothing better than meeting a new friend at the meat counter ...

nothing better than being reminded of beanie babies ... free gifts ... and grace.

basically blind {grace-words-wednesday}

it seems that overnight i've gone blind.

but, before i elaborate on that unfortunate situation, let me back up a few decades, because the story really begins there.

i think i was 11 or 12 when it became clear that glasses were necessary. i was excited for about one month. because, after all, when you're 11 or 12 it's fun to have something new or different. it's fun to be special.

funny how all that changes by age 13 -- that magic age of wanting just to be normal. average. ordinary. sometimes, even a little invisible.

because when i crossed into the not-so-sacred-place called teenager, i was sporting not only spectacles, but had also added to my facial landscape some good-old-fashioned acne. i'm not going to lie, it was a little rough for a while.

thankfully though, that was the time when the farah fawcett hairstyle hit the scene and i was able to turn all my teenage beauty angst into creating the perfect feathered, not to mention massive, locks. it took up quite a bit of my time. leaving me fewer minutes to dwell (obsess, really) over my skin and eyesight issues.

plus, i realized there was a silver lining to my lack of vision. if i took off my glasses before looking into the mirror, the acne sort of disappeared a little. the blemishes softened and i was instantaneously airbrushed.

yes, you can just imagine the pathetic teen girl staring (for hours) into the mirror at her fuzzy, pre-pubescent face.

in 2 corinthians 5:7 paul instructs us to "live by faith, not by sight." but he wasn't talking about the insecure girl who chose to walk around sometimes without her glasses. he wasn't talking about the vain teenager gazing into the bathroom mirror and liking better the blurry version of herself.

he isn't talking about that, but he is encouraging us to take our eyes off the temporal things - the little things we like to stare hard at which get in the way of the big picture. the acne went away (for the most part). and the glasses (thank heavens) got replaced with contact lenses.

those things were temporary.

but, for a period of time, i made a really big deal about them.

like i said earlier  --- i obsessed. in my defense, it's kind of what teenage girls, on occasion, are prone to do. you understand...

but, looking back, it is clear (at least now it is clear) i wasn't looking at the bigger picture of what God was doing in my life. at 13 and 14 i wasn't seeing much of anything with spiritual eyes, but instead, was scrutinizing and agonizing with my self-focused, earthly eyes.

now, i'm not recommending that we walk around half-blind. whether you're a teenager dealing with acne or a middle-aged woman dealing with wrinkles, i'll never encourage you to forego your glasses. you might not see the blemish or the wrinkle, but chances are, you'll also miss a few other key things ... like the door or the curb or (heaven forbid) the exit ramp.

i'm not suggesting we go blind, but i do want to challenge us to go better -- to choose our spiritual eyes.

we can focus with our earthly lenses on the little things in life, or we can back up a bit and focus with our faith.

when we don't choose the big picture through the perfect lens of Jesus, all we are left with is the small stuff through the flawed lens of ourselves. and friends, it's limited. and it's exactly why we can't get around the nitty-gritty details of our day. it's why we spin our wheels and worry and work and clamor and clutch hard at the insignificant stuff.

we are only seeing what's in front of our faces. we are focused not on faith in Him, but on our infatuation with our world.

i'm about to turn 45, and guess what? my eyesight hasn't improved!

in fact, where i was only near sighted at age 13, i am now neither near sighted nor far sighted. basically i am no sighted. kind of depressing if i think too much about it. now days, if i want to wear my contact lenses, i have to also keep handy my new, snazzy "readers" for the small print or detail. i know y'all are thinking "good grief, go get some lasik surgery, jody!"

someday, my eyes will be whole and my sight will be perfect. right now though, i struggle. i go back and forth between obsessing over the earthly things and striving to see the eternal.

when Jesus comes into our lives, He brings with Him new vision -- a new way of looking at life -- brand spanking new perspective! the bible tells us He literally gives us new sight!

"then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." ~mark 8:25

but keep in mind, it's a process. we have new sight, but, because we are still sinful, we don't always choose to use our new vision. we still struggle with our natural instinct to rely on our own weak eyes. there's just something still in us that longs to look at the little stuff...even the stupid stuff.

"so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 corinthians 4:18

but wait a minute, that's nice and everything, but how do we do this?

"looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." ~ hebrews 12:2

we look to Jesus. when we find ourselves focusing on the ugly details of the day -- whether it be acne or those little annoyances -- we need to take off our earthly glasses and "look unto Jesus." not because He doesn't want us to see our sin, but because He wants more for us to see our Savior's face.

turn your eyes upon Jesus,

look full in His wonderful face

and the things of this world

will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

{grace-words: sight*new*eternal*vision*restored*faith}

Jesus, we long to see you. in the midst of this week, in the mess of our lives, in the middle of the mundane ... help us to put aside our earthly eyes. this limited vision which trip us up and keep us from focusing on your greater good. Lord, thank you for the new sight you've already given ... help us to put on our spiritual glasses in all things. we want to see clearly with the eyes of  you, Jesus. a-men.

please come visit!

hey there even-the-sparrow friends ~

just wanted to let you know i started a facebook page for my blog (finally). you can click on this link:  even-the-sparrow-facebook-page ... and it should take you there. if it doesn't work (because sometimes technical things just don't work --- for me) ... you can click on the link in the upper right hand corner.

i'd love for you to "like" it and join me there.

i'll be using this page to post my writing, scripture, photography and ideas.

i'll also be posting a weekly devotional each wednesday: grace-words-on-wednesday.

please, stop by and say hello!

sweet sixteen

i was informed recently that boys don't have sweet sixteens.

i beg to differ.

i mean i know all that stuff about girls being "sugar and spice and everything nice ..."  and boys being made of "frogs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails." i get that. i, too, am familiar with the old, 19th century nursery rhyme, and perhaps there's an argument here -- depends, i'm sure, on the day you ask me. because let's be clear, though i love my girls, the "sugar and spice and everything nice," thing doesn't always perfectly fit the females in our house either.

but this past weekend, our boy had a birthday. he turned 16. and i have to tell you, it was sweet.

his dad and i couldn't be more proud of him. i don't care if he's rough and tumble and even sometimes smells like fish, this boy is sweet. sinful, for sure, but he really does have a tender heart.

of course he has some ugly moments -- we all do. but on this weekend, we are celebrating one of God's richest gifts -- a child who is growing into a young man pursuing the things of Christ.

nothing, and i mean nothing --- not even a pair of super cute shoes -- brings me greater joy.

not when he gets an A on a test or scores a goal in his soccer game.

not even when he says "yes mam" or takes out the trash without being asked.

i love this kid's heart. it's something pretty special.

when Jesus lives there, the sweet fragrance of His love covers even the stinkiest kid ... even the boy with fish guts under his fingernails. that's what He's doing for tyler ... that's what He does for all of us when we invite Him in.

"walk in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave himself up for us,

 an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling fragrance." ephesians 5:2

i have captured his quick 16 years of childhood in a a short (one song, i promise) video. honestly, though, i am just as excited to see what God's going to do with him, in him, and through him in these next 16 years.

happy sweet 16 ty! you are a blessing and we love you!