real women. real inspiration -- meet alex and krista

as i explained in my last post, this month i'm dedicating my blog to some of the amazing gals God keeps sending my way. seriously, i'm like almost tripping over them --- these girls "who are getting it done and encouraging others while doing it!"

it's my birthday month and i'm hosting a party here on my blog this november and sharing some of these treasures with y'all.

so without further ado, it brings me great joy this afternoon to introduce to you two of my favorite gifts: krista and alex.

i met krista several years ago at a proverbs 31woman's conference in north -- or was it south? -- carolina. makes no matter, because krista has this amazing way about her which just draws people in wherever you are with her. it has something to do with the fact she very well might be the best lover-of-people and the best listener-to-people i've ever met. standing there in that conference center in (some) carolina, she simply asked me to tell her my story. and we ended up talking well into the night. yep, just like that.

alex and i connected when she and krista invited me to a retreat they hosted in idaho last fall -- the open door. i became smitten with this new friend immediately and a sisterhood was born! alex lives in colorado and i live in georgia, but recently we were able to spend time again when we teamed up in milwaukee, wisconsin to speak at the MOPS international convention.

you're tracking all of that, right? hello, skymiles.

anyway, this post isn't about our travels, but it is about where God is taking these two women with their talents and their teamwork.
in addition to having husbands and multiple children, my friends are both published authors and busy speakers who write and talk specifically to encourage women. you can tell just from the title of their books.

krista's book, reclaiming home: a family's guide for life, love and legacy, was released last fall and alex's most recent book, loving my actual life: an experiment in relishing what's right in front of me, was released this past spring.  if the books, full of powerful and practical ideas, offer great insight and encouragement. if you go above and click on the names, you'll be directed to these girls' websites. check them out. and friends, i want you to know these ladies are the real deal. i know them both well. i know their hearts. and i know the words in these books and the ones that come out of their mouths are 100% authentic. alex and krista are living it out, figuring it out, wrestling it out  ... just like you and me. they encourage not from a place of expertise, but from a place of experience and empathy.

one of my favorite things these two have done together is begin a sisterhood movement. last year, they invited 12 strangers to idaho for a retreat called "the open door." twelve diverse and pretty much unconnected women came together to learn more about what it means to come together as women. they repeated this rereat again this past fall with a brand new group of gals and they have plans to continue. it isn't easy work organizing, planning and implementing this kind of undertaking. i mean, seriously, i struggle making a grocery list for my family most weeks. but these two did this with such intentionality and thoughtfulness. as an attendee, i cannot tell you the details they added to bless us. they thought of everything.

so why would two women take on this kind of task to plan a retreat for others -- strangers, at that? what is this open door sisterhood thing all about?
here's what they had to say:

It's about encouraging one another to believe God. Believe who he says he is and what he promises. And then to encourage one another to live from that belief in our daily decisions. We like to say we are encouraging women to "be world changers for good right where you are." That means believing God can use all of us regardless of our circumstances. I also believe the sisterhood is about calling out where we see God working in each other. Sometimes it's difficult to see that when our life circumstances are pushing in on us from all sides. But a sister can often spot a talent, a tender spot in our heart, our growth in an area, when we are blinded by life swirling around us. It's this calling out that helps us see how God is moving. And finally we want women to walk through doors God opens. It starts with believing him, finding where he's working in our own life and being obedient to the next step.

and because writing books and hosting retreats isn't enough for this dynamic duo, they also decided to launch a podcast this year.  in fact, this month marks their 21st episode -- a milestone in the podcast world. you can listen at {the open-door sisterhood podcast}  the underlying theme? you guessed it --- encouragement. when i'm cleaning the house, folding laundry or driving around town, i turn on these podcasts and listen. oh my goodness, y'all, they are fantastic. please listen, you'll be blessed.

so, maybe you're like me and you're kind of wondering how a girl from colorado and a gal from idaho join forces, write books, throw retreats and host podcasts. like i said earlier, i can't seem to figure out the grocery list making these days. how is this even possible when most of us struggle to meet a friend for a cup of coffee? i asked them this question. here's alex's response:

I mostly try to keep up with Krista! Truly none of this would be happening were it not for her initiative. We try to split tasks, though we each have different gifts. We spend a lot of time on Voxer, texting on the phone and video conferencing. Technology allows us to plan and execute these things from our two kitchens. I am so thankful God placed us in this ear where we can collaborate from states away and still drive our kids to soccer practice.

My house is never clean and Krista doesn't sleep. We all have to give somewhere :). We still only have 24-hours in our day like everyone else, this is just where we spend our "extra."

retreat throwing, podcast hosting and book writing:  i asked these two whirlwinds to explain the connection in all of it. and they said this:

The retreat stemmed from our own writing/speaking life and a feeling that we needed a circle of women who were pursuing the same calling who could spur us on. And then the podcast spun out of our core values. We wanted to extend the same encouragement to women outside of the limited retreat circle (listen to episode 21, it gives a great overview for how all of this came about). For me writing is my strength. It is where I feel most comfortable, but also where I believe I'm most effective. So I need to stay focused on this area even though I'm easily distracted by the good things happening with the retreat and podcast. But the sisterhood spurs me on. As I talk to women, as we interview them on the podcast, I'm reminded of how I'm uniquely wired and it gives me the motivation I need to keep going.

pretty amazing stuff from a couple of pretty amazing women. but, what i love most about them is the humility and honesty they bring to everything they do. with all of these accomplishments under their belts, they continue to work from a place of total dependence on Jesus. that comes through in everything they do. they'd be quick to tell you, "it's not what we are doing, but what He is doing through us."

krista and alex, you inspire me!
i love you girls to pieces.  xo, jody


p.s. if you're still unsure as to why all this celebrating and encouraging stuff is necessary, i'd invite you to link back to a post i wrote a couple of months ago unpacking what often occurs between women. 
the post is called sisterhood: rejoicing or jealous?

next week, i'll be introducing you to an old friend ... stay tuned! 

a mess

it's sunday evening and i'm on a plane.
heading west while staring out at the setting sun through a tiny oval opening.

just like with praise music in church, i get teary eyed on planes. almost always. i don't know why exactly. something about being completely out of control and held up and helpless and vulnerable. that stuff. i'm not scared, i'm just in awe. i'm a little more than overwhelmed by something i don't get and can't understand, but still want to trust.

aerodynamics make no sense to me. none.

like that sun setting off the wing of this aircraft -- not sure why it is so incredibly beautiful. and not exactly sure how it happens to be suspended out there. dangling in the almost dark. i don't get it. except i trust ... God holds it. i trust God has it.

you're getting the picture, aren't you?
weepy woman on a plane heading home.

a mess.

you see, you can't spend a weekend with 450 mamas who have adopted from every country possible and have encountered every story imaginable and walk away untouched. unmoved. unmessed.

it just doesn't happen.

God's power and His very presence resides in rooms with women-warriors like these. these ladies know what it means to be flat out on their faces, surrendered and vulnerable; torn open to the tenderness God has placed in their hearts.
they know the meaning of out-of-control.
they know the meaning of  dependence.
just like this airplane -- when it doesn't always make sense.
they know what it means to wonder and to want and to wish ...

most of all, they know what it means to wait on God.

and, friends, y'all know -- that's not always exactly easy for women -- warriors or otherwise!

it's not easy to wait on God and wonder what He has planned or how He's going to hold it all together. it's hard sometimes to see what He has in store and what in the world He is doing with us ... with our families ... with that precious child a million miles away.

so, spending a couple of days with ladies like this leaves a girl a little bit messy. it stirs up all kinds of stuff. it encourages and energizes. it prompts and it pierces.

i had the chance to speak at this weekend's conference and share a little bit of our journey: adoption and cancer. we talked about how Jesus walks on water even in the midst of life's messiest, most frightening, most out of control storms. we talked about how Jesus holds out His hand and holds the boat and holds the child in the storm. sharing that message with these women opened up opportunities for me to hear their stories.

and oh.my.goodness -- what a privilege to listen to the journey Jesus has many of them on! women told me stories of joyful homecomings and tearful endings. i heard about miracles occurring and mountains moving. i heard amazing story after amazing story. i also heard about heartbreak -- about disrupted adoptions and hurting children and unexpected illness. i heard about great love and i heard about great loss. and what i heard most, was women who gave God great glory and praise in all of it. all of it.

i had a chance to talk with these women, to pray with a few, to cry with a couple.

that's messy, broken and incredibly beautiful stuff.

you see, these are women who want to be stirred. these are women willing to sit at the feet of Jesus, hold onto the hem of His garment and listen for the whispers of their Lord. they didn't ask for easy. they aren't signing up for smooth. they don't pretend to hold it all together makng it all look picture perfect. no, these women are ready to let go and let God do what He wants to do with them, with their families, with their futures ... even with their frailty. 

i applaud the talented and passionate team of girls who put on this created for care conference. they came with hands to serve and hearts to minister.

i showed up early on friday for a speaker's meeting. the director, andrea, wanted to meet with those of us who would spend the weekend speaking. i knew i was in the right place when almost the very first thing out of andrea's mouth went something like this: "thank you for coming to speak, but ladies i want to remind you, you are here to serve. i want you to be in the hallways and between the breakout sessions connecting with these women. i want you to be searching for that woman in need, that gal who seems lost or overwhelmed. look into her eyes, take the time to stop and hear her story, get her name and, if it's not you, connect her with someone who can help."

isn't that awesome?
i mean doesn't that just rock your socks off?

that's real ministry, people!

andrea didn't want her speakers to show up and stand on a pedestal and preach ... she wanted us to come and wash the feet of the women who came to listen. she wanted our own hands and feet to be louder and lovelier than any of our voices ever could be.

she wanted us to get messy and messed up.

she wanted us to be part of the plane ride -- the out of control, vulnerable place of i-can't-do-this-on-my-own-oh-Lord-Jesus-help-me!

the place where God shows up.

because this gal, andrea, is directing this ministry under the direction of her Jesus and here's the deal --- that's how Jesus does it. that's how He did it when He walked the earth and it's how His church is to do it now. He came not just to preach, but to pursue. He came not just to save, but to serve. Jesus who didn't discriminate between the very religious and the most rotten. Jesus who saw worth and value and victory in all of it -- in all of us.

Jesus who always made time for the least and the lost and the little.

Jesus who had a heart for the hurting, for the helpless, for the orphan.

Jesus who said, "let the little children come to me." ~ matthew 19:14

these women this weekend represented almost 600 adopted kids with over 1200 children total. these 450 women will walk back into homes tonight refreshed and filled up because they experienced real ministry -- they experienced love. they will take it back to their homes and love even better the little children of the world ... all the children of the world ... red and yellow, black and white.

and sitting on this plane, heading home tonight, i love that.

i love that i could get away for weekend and get messy in some real ministry and refueled for what God has in store.

i even love sitting on my airplane ride home with a few tears trickling down my cheeks. (the guy next to me is probably not loving that part so much). i'm pretty sure i'm making him a little nervous, but i don't care. i think i'm going to stop writing now and try to tell him about how much Jesus loves him too!

i want to be a desperate housewife! ..................{grace-words-wednesday}

america's desperate housewives have received a good bit of attention in the past decade. though they wrapped up their eight seasons on wisteria lane last year, these sassy suburbanites aren't entirely out of the picture. in fact, the desperate housewives series gave name to the more recent series on bravo, the real housewives. maybe you've heard of them. they seem to be popping up everywhere: orange county, new jersey, miami, and atlanta. in fact, last year, before we moved to minnesota (do you think, by the way, there's any talk of a minnesota version?), i even sat next to one at the nail salon back in georgia.

she didn't look all that different from the other ladies in the salon, except that where most customers just brought along a purse and a magazine, she brought with her a small camera crew.

i'll be honest, it wasn't the most relaxing pedicure i've ever had. i guess i just don't relax well with three men and a massive camera pointed a few feet away from my feet. the entire time i worried they'd somehow capture that scunge which was being picked out from behind my toenails ... or maybe the nice little bunion i had forming on my left foot. gross, i know -- sorry, just keeping it real here. anyway, the entire time i had visions of that foul "footage" being broadcast across america. i only hoped they'd blur my face and leave out my name.

the real or desperate or whatever housewife sitting next to me had a bedazzled black t-shirt, but despite all the bling, i couldn't quite read what it said. i'm sure it was something really cute and clever though. i don't remember her name, (you'd have to ask my daughters) but she talked loudly and a lot and quite a bit about herself, and, if i'm being honest here, i'd have to tell you i didn't much care for her at first impression.

except that i sort of want to be her.

yes, you read that correctly. i want to be a desperate housewife.

really, i do.

des·per·ateˈ
despərit/ (adjective) 1. feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

okay jody, where are you going with this? i know you're sitting there thinking this time it's official, you've lost me here, girlfriend. what's so great about being desperate? i suppose we don't ever think about "being desperate" as a good thing.

but DESPERATE is the very thing which DRIVES us closer to Christ. 

the truth is, like it or not, we just tend to seek Him faster, harder, deeper when we're desperate. aren't i right?

king david wasn't a housewife, but he sure as heck was desperate. in so many of his psalms he seems to be at the end of his rope ... completely helpless ... utterly hopeless ... in despair over his own sin and even, fighting for his own life.

psalm 143 
Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgment with your servant, 
for no one living is righteous before you.
For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;

he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.
I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah
Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to you for refuge.
Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground! Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,for I am your servant.

if those bold-faced words don't sound desperate, i don't know what does. "i stretch out my hands to you ... my soul thirsts for you ... answer me quickly ... my spirit fails ... deliver me ... o Lord, preserve my life!"

david is fighting for his life.

david is flat on his face.

david is DESPERATE for a redeemer.

and this very real housewife in minnesota sometimes thinks that when life gets kind of comfy on wisteria lane or wherever ... she loses that kind of desire. she forgets that she's completely lost and hopeless and wretched (yes, wretched) without Christ.

i read the verbs of psalm 42 and matthew 5  ... and i have to wonder why i don't always have that kind of insatiable desire for my savior.

"as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. 

my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
when can i go and meet with God?" ~ psalm 42: 1-2

"blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
for they shall be satisfied." ~ matthew 5:6

that's what i want. i want to hunger and thirst and even pant after the things of Jesus. but in order for that to happen, this woman needs to see herself as she truly is: starved and dehydrated ... utterly desperate.

... think of the blind man who first experiences light.
... consider the prisoner when his shackles dissolve.
... contemplate the cancer patient declared free.
... how about the wayward son who is welcomed home.
... or the emaciated refugee who is finally fed.

that's desperate.

mark clapson, in an article on "history today," writes this,

"Desperate Housewives, the American TV hit series set in  Wisteria Lane, is just the latest in a long line of portrayals of suburbia to show women as troubled creatures in paradise. Behind the manicured hedges and the weather-boarded walls of their comfortable homes, suburban women are apparently desperate because they are discontented."

dear one, i hope we are a little discontented with what this world has to offer. it's not enough. clapson is correct, our "manicured hedges and weather-boarded walls" aren't going to cut in the end. sure, they're nice now. of course we like our comforts and we long for our little luxuries. i get it. but let's never stop seeing ourselves as the desperate people we truly are. not desperate for stuff, but desperate for a savior.

the desperate housewives series might accurately portray the general discontentment of humanity, but you only have to watch 5 minutes of an episode to realize it doesn't come close to providing the accurate answer for satisfaction.

somehow in all this suburbia desperation they mention everything except the only answer for our dry and discontented lives -- Jesus. Jesus meets us in our desperation and He, alone, satisfies. "blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they shall be satisfied." when we peer longingly over the fences of our pretend paradises, we realize how hopeless we are in ourselves and in our stuff.  my prayer, that in our hopelessness, we would turn desperate and press into Jesus.

and that's the real hope, the perfect hope, the only hope for this desperate housewife.

{grace-words:  desperate * thirst * hunger * hope * satisfy}

Jesus empty me of myself, that i might hunger and thirst for you.  show me how desperate i truly am, that i might drop so low i can only cling to your feet. it's easy to get caught up in all that is comfortable, but comfort doesn't truly satisfy. help me in my desperation be driven to the One who does -- You, Jesus.  real comfort, real redemption, real hope. a-men.

don't forget to head over to my friend, becky's blog! she's got some {grace words} for you this morning too! you won't want to miss her post on the word of God and a cup of joe!

THAT woman

i don't want to be THAT woman.

you know the one: the lady who is always too busy to talk. the gal who is in a rush and running out the door. the neighbor who is known only by the tail lights of her departing SUV. the friend always on her way some where ... to some place ... to some thing ... with some one.

i don't want to be known as the woman who breezes in and breezes out all the time.

but that's what i feel like lately -- a lot.

a woman with her hair on fire. that's me.

last week i attended a coffee in a neighbor's home where i am pretty sure, in under ten minutes, i let every other woman present know i had somewhere else i had to be. we were supposed to run from the meet and greet coffee to a meet and greet kindergarten class play date for bella.

both were scheduled from 10-12 am.  that's do-able, right?

in my world, i seem to think it is.

but i'm struggling in my world lately -- a lot.

i don't want to be the mom who can't seem to string together three cohesive sentences because she has a child interrupting or another engagement pending or some ridiculous fire in need of extinguishing.

i certainly don't want to be guilty of half-listening because my mind is jumping ahead to the thing i have to do next. ouch! i type that sentence knowing full-well it happens.

there i was last friday morning, meeting with these delightful new ladies and what i wanted most was to go find a corner, sit down and talk more, hear their stories, tell them mine. i wanted to connect! but instead i was stuffing a muffin into my mouth, gulping coffee and wrangling in bella from the pool (yes, the pool).  all the while i was nodding my head and trying my best to bond a little with these nice, new neighbors.

because a woman can do some bang up bonding when she's in the midst of stuffing, gulping and wrangling, right?

wrong!

as we were leaving (early), my sweet friend, colleen, who hosted the coffee, walked me to the door. i was sweating profusely trying to get bella out of her swimsuit, back into her shoes and out the door -- all the while balancing her plate of goodies, a wet towel and my bag. as we headed down the front walk, colleen called after me, "i'm so glad you were able to fit this into your busy morning!"

she didn't say it sarcastically. colleen, one of the most genuinely kind ladies i know, doesn't have a sarcastic bone in her body. but i walked to my car thinking ... "fit this in ... fit. this. in ..."  yuck! i don't want to be the lady who fits people in. i don't want to be THAT woman.

except that sometimes, i am.

the fact is though, as much as that idea leaves an unpleasant taste, i'm sitting here a few days later not entirely sure what to do about it.

should i say no?

i promise you -- we say no. we decline to the point of being rude. sometimes that's the answer, but not always.

i have a hunch that it has something to do with five kids. it has something to do especially with having five kids all still at home -- all with school and activities and schedules. we've really enjoyed this summer, but i have to tell you, we've never been stretched in so many different directions. recently, i described our family to a friend as seven ships passing in the night. i am not sure that's a very flattering or healthy description, but it is accurate. and good golly, someone remind me, isn't this summer?

i know this season of life is the busy run just before the imminent slow empty of our nest ... but most days it leaves me feeling a little scattered ... a bit scarce ... a tad frantic, in fact. i physically long for the slow and simple. i have been known to crawl under the covers of my bed at 4:00 in the afternoon and shout, "let's pretend mommy's not here for a while!" that works for about five minutes. instead i have high schoolers gulping smoothies at 7:30 am on their way out the door to varsity practices ... middle schoolers racing off on bikes to meet up with friends ... and even a kindergartner last friday morning with two places to be.

i am THAT WOMAN driving down the street in the middle of a summer afternoon who realizes that one of her children was supposed to be at a birthday party two hours earlier. yep ...

i believe this is the time when women like me crack up and move out to the country ...
or begin homeschooling everyone ... (not that that sounds like a solution)!
or start exercising for hours every day...

just between you and me, i would probably be more prone to over-eat or over-shop before i would ever (like, in-a-million-years-ever) over-exercise (or homeschool).  you understand, right? ...

i am fully aware this has something to do with control.

or should i write, lack of control.

i can't control the number of things we have to do or the places we have to be. and it's kind of driving me crazy. i used to be able to do that when they were little. pick and choose. i can remember not telling my little people about a play date or a birthday party or a park opportunity, simply because i knew it would be too much for our family (for me) to say yes. simply because i could. because i held the cards. i called the shots. i was the one in control of the master family schedule.

these days ... well, it just doesn't work quite that same way.

i'm not a flimsy parent. i have no problem saying "no" to my kids. they would probably even tell you i say it a lot. we do have some pretty good boundaries in place. but still ...

the mcnatts are living life at full throttle.

and that's not really a bad thing. we should live life with gusto ... live life with great zest! hooray for life! i get that. i want that. Lord, help us all the day this woman feels slightly bored. but i believe in all this craziness, there's got to be some line of balance. i want my kids to have enough to do, just not too much. i want the same for my husband and the same for me.

enough to do, but not too much to do. i'll be honest that line feels rather thin lately. one mis-step and we find ourselves fallen into either idleness or insanity.

oh dear Jesus, i want that elusive, imponderable, catch-the-butterfly-kind-of balance!

the proverbs 31 girl seems to be a woman always held in high esteem. so let's talk about her for a minute.

would she understand my dilemma? did she have balance? did she feel the same stress when walking the line between "eating the bread of idleness" and "planting her vineyard?"

i really want to know!

in proverbs it says: "her children rise up and call her blessed;  her husband also praises her..." 

so, i'm thinking this woman without a name who dresses her family all in scarlet and still finds time to laugh, plant vineyards, and shop in faraway places has figured out how to be busy enough, but not too busy.

so, what's her secret?

i just spent a little time in this passage today and i pulled out all the verbs which describe her. (fascinating former english teacher stuff -- i know).

SHE: seeks, works, brings, rises, provides,
considers, plants, dresses, makes, perceives,
puts, opens, reaches, clothes, sells, delivers,
laughs, teaches, surpasses, looks.

whew!

okay, seriously, is it just me or is anyone else completely exhausted reading that list???

she does all of that? really? without a high efficiency washing machine or a microwave or even a mini-van?

vineyard in santa barbara -- didn't plant it,
but did have a lovely glass of wine!

maybe there was a proverbs 32 woman working quietly behind her: an assistant, an apprentice, an adjunct ... at the very least an ally!  i think i might be on to something here friends. there's just no way this esteemed woman could do all of this completely on her own, right?  i mean i'd plant that vineyard and consider myself done for the day ... maybe done for the year! i am just so utterly impressed and in awe of this gal's energy!

... and so very thankful she is not my immediate neighbor.

she's making her own clothes and the clothes of her kiddos and i can barely make it to the gap for a sale. what's going on here people? how is she doing it?

but, you know what? i love her. really, i do. i have connected with this passage since my teenage years, knowing that she was a fabulous role model. but i if i was being honest here, (and i do try to be honest most of the time), i also want to sit down and pick her brain a bit. i'd like y'all to know right now, that come heaven-time, i will be blowing right by peter and gabriel and on the hunt for the proverbs 31 woman.  i have a few questions for this proverbially wonder woman. like: how did she do all of that stuff ... all of those VERBS ... and still find time to work the ny times crossword puzzle on saturday mornings with her husband or dangle her feet in the lake with her little ones or enjoy a leisurely walk in the park without a list of stuff rattling around in her head. exhausted women want to know!

here's my big question: how did she do all of that AND still manage to be available to those around her?

this passage doesn't mention friends or neighbors.  did she have them? did they know her by the tail lights of her cart or by the backside of her donkey? did they watch her spinning her scarlet clothes or on her way out to her vineyard and say to themselves, "well, there goes, that always-busy-and-productive-proverbs-31-mama --- who does she think she is anyway?"

this chapter in proverbs doesn't say much about her relationships outside her family, but somehow, i think she found time to visit with other women and encourage them along the way. "she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." i don't think she spent a lot of time on facebook or hanging out in the cul-de-sac gossiping. but i do think she had wise words and kind gestures readily available for those in her circle.

i am pretty sure she delivered a casserole or two in her time.

i'm kind of poking fun at her today. but you know, the truth is, i want to be a woman whose children (and husband) rise up and call her blessed. i want to be a woman known for her wisdom and kindness. and i want to be a woman who strikes the right balance for her family ... and even for her friends.

i do want to be THAT woman, i absolutely want to be THE woman God designed me to be.

sometimes it's hard to figure out who she is, what she looks like, and how in the world she's ever going to get it all done!

but God knows.  He designed each one of us in an unique and purposeful way. and on those days when i can't seem to control the pace or the plan, i need to remember:
God does have a plan and only He can put pEace in the pace.

"for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you

and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ jeremiah 29:11

"LORD, you establish peace for us; 
all that we have accomplished you have done for us." ~ Isaiah 26:12

prudence, the push and a proposal

most people wait until it's "safe" to tell you they’re pregnant.

i was never one of them.

i was teaching high school english when i became pregnant with our firstborn. and i'm pretty sure i told my students about our impending bundle of joy possibly only hours after filling in my husband.

this was probably lacking ... er ... um ... prudence?

i can't help it. i'm just a spill-the-beans kind of gal. i've let you in on this non-secret before: jody mcnatt can do her bit of over-sharing with the best of them -- if you're a regular reader, you know this.

and last week, for some reason, thought it a good idea to let all of facebook know that i'd be attending a writer/speaker conference and submitting a book proposal.

clearly, prudence is not my middle name.

i realize not everyone has this same issue. while at the conference, i talked with a woman who i am pretty sure from our conversation, hadn't even told her own husband she was turning in a proposal and meeting with publishers.

and you want to know why?

A). because she is prudent.

B). because, if it didn't go well...NO ONE HAD TO KNOW.

no one gets hurt.

there’d be no skin peeling off this prudent woman’s back.

so maybe i can be a tad bit idealistic on occasion (eye-roll), but still, i really don't think everything always goes well. in fact, when i over-shared about my appointments, i wasn't tooting my own horn or trying to set some high expectation. i actually confessed i was rather worried about throwing up on the publisher's shoes. (i didn't, by the way).

i am fine letting y'all know that i was nervous and unsure and REALLY SCARED. but still, i suppose i could have kept it all hushed up and buttoned up and shut up and safe. i could have. but i didn't. i shared -- girl, you know i did!

but i want you to know something else: in that sharing, i was vulnerable - yes. but also in that sharing, i was blessed - yes!

when i landed in charlotte and had to wait at baggage claim, i did what every other person waiting was doing: i checked my phone.(is there anyone in an airport these days not on their phone? -- another post for another day). anyway, opening up facebook i saw the amount of “likes” and comments, and oh, friends, it moved me. reading through the words, my eyes welled up, threatening to ruin my carefully applied, going-to-a-conference-make-up and my carefully chosen, going-to-a-conference-blouse. it was uplifting to read through the encouragement. i could almost hear some of you cheering from your homes across the states. one friend, even mentioned she was standing up on a chair cheering. (gina mccarn, you kill me)!

i'm not particularly needy in the affirmation department (at least i like to tell myself this), but who doesn't like to be cheered? we all do! each one of us needs to have some peeps in our corner. right? and each one of us needs to be affirmed -- needy or not, it feels like a warm hug in the hallways of life where we are too busy or too far to pass one another often.

and that's how i felt sitting near the baggage carousel sniveling into the crook of my elbow. i felt like i had a few people in my corner and i felt hugged. loved.

and then immediately after that warm, fuzzy feeling, i felt something else all together different:

dread.

i felt the slow creep of possible high expectation and i felt exposed. vulnerable. naked. (well, i was still wearing my carefully chosen conference blouse, but you get it).

because that's the reason people keep things to themselves. they don't want the pressure of someone else's expectations or enthusiasm. they don't want to feel exposed. they don't want to fail on a bar set too high or too public. it's just flat out easier to fail privately, wouldn't you agree?

i get it.

and this weekend as my publisher appointments loomed closer, i REALLY began to get it.

i’m curious, where do you fall on that line between buttoned up and all spilled out? are you a runner from risk or are you a walker on the line of potential public humiliation.

it’s important to know.

because some of us might need to be reigned in on occasion and other’s might need to be pushed.

in last week’s post -- the push -- i wrote about how good it is for us to push out from the safe place of our comfort. and i want to continue this piece and connect back to last week's writing. think of it as the push - part two. 

i realize it’s getting a bit long (give me some grace, i’m fresh from a writer’s conference, y’all). but because this is a blog, you have options: you can continue reading; save it for another day; or, you can take a break, refill your coffee, throw in another load of laundry, and check on your kids. i suppose you could also stop altogether -- but don’t do that, i’m about to tell you what happened in my publisher appointments.

anyway, in my she-wants-to-write-a-book-brain, i’ve even given this second half of my post it’s own special name or chapter.

okay, forget your options, i’m going to highly recommend you at least go get a coke.

back now? great, here we go...

 "the push - part two"

a few days ago, i wrote about pushing ourselves a little bit and pushing toward what God wants to give us.  (the push).

that thing. that desire. that seed.

not out of a lack of contentment, but out of a calling.

this weekend, i was pushed a little -- okay, truthfully, i was pushed a lot. i was pushed to attend, pushed to come alone, pushed to take part in some unbelievable sessions and hear some incredible and (ouch!) convicting words. mostly, i was pushed to consider just what God might be trying to tell me.

i mean, don't get me wrong, no one actually pushed me. the push came from within, but make no mistake, a push is a push.

and as inspiring as everything has been, there were a few times when i kind of wanted to push it away, to push it all back. it’s a little scary when you find yourself at the intersection of inspiration and conviction.

i'm not ready for this God. i'm not ready for this kind of push. not yet. not now. Lord, let me just stick my nose around the corner and look a little. but don't ask me to turn. don't make me cross the street and show myself fully. let me just take it all in from a distance.

that sounded good.

that sounded safe.

but it wasn't like that. not with the women of proverbs 31. oh no! one foot inside the hotel door, and baby, i was in! there were no corners to turn and nothing to hide behind...it was wide open space and i was right there in the press of 700 women ... exposed.

but it didn't just begin there.

weeks before the conference God pushed me to work on a proposal i wasn't at all sure i could write. for months now i've been pushing down the ideas and trying to hide from the process. but i couldn't ignore the shove -- especially when rick offered to take the kids away for a week. and so i started to put words to paper. i pushed the keys of my computer and i pushed my creativity to the limit. i even had to push back my bedtime and, on occasion, push away some of the good things in our home.

and somehow i got here with a kinda-grown-up-girl book proposal, a good dose of nerves and, of course, a little bit of a dream.

it's been an amazing few days sitting under the teaching of lysa teurkeurst, michael hyatt and many others. worth all the pushing and all the planning and even all the late night plodding of words. though it pushed me to my limit, it was the perfect place for me to land.

i met with some publishers yesterday. i have to tell you though, it wasn't easy. at one point i wanted to just run back up to my room and push the door closed behind me. i wanted to hide out.

(if you didn’t go get that original coke i suggested 1000 words earlier, now might be another good opportunity).

in my first meeting, i eased myself into the hot seat and tore into my pitch, all the while smoothly pushing my proposal across the table to the serious woman on the other side. she glanced through it nodding and humphing and listening -- two eyes on my proposal and maybe one ear on my pitch. then she looked up and began to push it back across the table toward me. "uh-uh," i thought, and as i continued to construct my case for things like "felt need" and "strong platform," i pushed it back across to her. we continued our little pushing war in the midst of discussing my slightly "esoteric title" and the proposal's "comparable analysis." though fair and kind, i felt her pushing back on my ideas, pushing back on me. "you're a strong writer,” she said, “that's clear. but i'm not sure this proposal is ready for book form just yet." she presented me with some valid suggestions and some excellent insight and she began to rise and push back from the table.

but i have to tell you, as she was politely declining my word-baby, a part of me was tallying up the copious amount of hours i'd already forked over to this project. i wanted to tell her about my husband taking the kids away for a week and how i had been waking at 4 in the morning and how some nights we ate cereal for dinner. it costs a lot for a mother of five to find a few minutes to write. what she was suggesting in "building my audience" and "strengthening my storyline" felt like a shove to my gut. it pushed right against the grain of my spirit. i wanted to push my chair back and cry, "no wait. please hear my heart...see my work...read my words. there might be something here. can't we go a little further? can't we push a little deeper into the proposal?"

but, she pushed it back to me again. and i knew at this point, she wasn't going to take my proposal regardless of my persistence or pushing.

we wrapped up our session and publisher appointment one had come to a not so satisfactory close.

i had a short break in between appointments and made a beeline for my room. pushing a few tears away in the buzz of my hurry. i felt like everyone waiting outside in the hallway had their eyes on me, on my humiliation.

it's like sometimes in the push, isn't it?

we push and we push and we push, but someone pushes it all right back at us. it's not an easy place to be. i felt completely defeated. immediately, i could hear satan's slippery seduction of self-doubt begin, "you're not cut out for this." and,"who do you think you are, anyway?"

in the very first session of the weekend, one of the speakers, sharon glasgow, talked to us about those words that the devil would be working hard to whisper into us. i mean she just flat out told us, “he’s gonna show up girls. if you put yourself out there wanting to proclaim Christ, he’s going to come calling.”

and come calling he did. he was right there waiting to pounce when i walked out the door from that first appointment. and he stalked me all the way back to my room hovering over my shoulder and continuing to taunt, "maybe, jody mcnatt, maybe this just isn't for you..."

the speaker had not only warned us in that first session, but she had also equipped us. "get thee behind me satan!” she had us practice out loud. and it came in handy.  i literally had to stand in my hotel room and yell, “get thee behind me satan!” (don’t you sort of wish you could have been a fly on the wall). but, as funny as that sounds, in all seriousness, i really did have to push the devil down and push closer in to Jesus.

i knew it would be the only way.

rejection is hard.

and this was (and is) only the beginning.

i powdered my nose, pulled myself together and pushed myself back out the door. slamming satan’s slivery self in the heavy hotel door i hoped. i had a few more appointments. the push was going to get easier, i had not only tasted my first rejection, but i had given the evil one a swift kick in his can.

the good news is i did get a lot of great feedback. the other publishers had some positive comments about my writing, my story and the strength of my voice. that was really cool. tell me more. tell me more. oh pullleeeaase tell me more. 

but, guess what? the second person pushed it back across the table, too.

get thee behind me satan!

well, i have no intention to give you a play by play of every publisher moment, (is that cheering i hear?) but here’s the wrap up: by the time the day was over, i had two publishers reject it and two publishers agree to accept and consider it further. i guess that's not all that bad. no one stood up on a chair and clapped for me. and no one took one look and asked where i’d been all these years, but the experience taught me, the experience pushed me.

and the silver lining: i didn’t throw up on anyone’s shoes.

hard things are like that.  they push. and i guess what i learned a little bit better this weekend?  we have a choice in the push. are they going to push us down or push us forward?

are we going to hold our God-given ground and say, get thee behind me satan or are we going to push the door closed and collapse?

one thing i kept hearing this weekend was how important it is that we not tie our identity to our insecurities. think about that. in fact, maybe write it in your journal. if i had decided to anchor myself to my book proposal, i would have sank right down with it. i put a lot of myself into that proposal last month, but it is not me and it will not define me, but be a defining moment for me. there’s a difference, sweet friends.

i don't really think those publishers who rejected my proposal are exactly agents of the devil. really i don't. as hard as rejection is, we have to remember God uses it to call us to something else.

Christ came and... "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain." (isaiah 53:3). Jesus knows what rejection feels like. He came to earth with the best proposal ever written ... ever told ... ever pushed across any table.

and His proposal took Him to the cross.

as hard as it was and as much as He wanted his Father to take it from Him, He allowed Himself to be nailed down and pushed up onto a hill called golgotha.

at any moment He could have pushed the entire menacing world into the pit of hell, but, instead, He pushed closer to His Father and He pushed for us out of love.

i guess that quickly puts my piddly little book proposal in perspective, doesn't it?

but the fantastic thing is, because of what Christ did on that cross, even the piddly things we do, even the baby steps of faith we take, are covered in the same powerful push of His love. He cares about them because He cares about us.

and when we have those little doubts that we aren’t enough or we’re not so great, remember the push of His love on the cross and remember the words, “get thee behind me satan!”

oh, and if i caused any confusion with my opening sentence, i'm sorry. we're absolutely not pregnant!

the push (a letter to myself).

most mothers don’t encourage their children to push -- but, i do.

i tell my kids all the time to push themselves: to push themselves in their studies; to push themselves out on the field or court; to push themselves in helping around the house; i've even had to tell them to push down on the gas pedal (ever pull out into traffic with a teen learning to drive? -- heaven help us all!) mostly, though, i encourage my crew to push themselves out of their comfort zones.

i tell them that. but what about me?

what do i tell me about my nice little comfort zone?

it’s easy for us mamas who are always talking and forever teaching, and even cheering our kiddos on, to forget this message is meant just as much for us.

for us: for those of us wearing jeans with peanut butter smudges across the backside. for those of us 17 weeks overdue for a highlight. for those of us who break nails scraping rice krispies from bowls and old gum from inside the dryer. for those of us who, while standing in line at target, realize we’re wearing two different shoes (yes, it’s happened), for those of us who are at target because our pre-schooler forgot to put on her panties (yes, that’s happened too -- but not on the same day, thankfully. Lord have mercy.

but we women, we need to push a little too.

and, girls, i’m not talking about the vacuum cleaner!

i’m not even talking about pushing it on the power walk or pushing young ones in strollers or toddlers on swings.

i’m writing today about the place deep inside each one of us where we know there’s this little seed ready to get going, ready to grow.

but if you’re at all like me (and i know a lot of you are!) it’s easy to forget about that seed. it’s easy to leave it alone. it’s easy even to pretend it doesn’t exist.

seed? what seed?

instead of pushing ourselves, it’s easier to push that seed back in the soil of our busyness or our burned-out-kind-of-days. it’s just easier somedays to bury it deep inside our mama-blah brain.

i know. i do it. guilty hand raised here in minnesota, ladies! i am a woman who can often look the other way when a dream or a thought or an idea comes waltzing along.

“i’m busssyyyy,” i whine.

“i’m tiiireed,” i whimper.

because let’s face it, when the seed is given a glance; when it’s watered and fed, it can all of a sudden become this big, gangly, out-of-control kind of thing. we have no place for something so large to be looming up inside us. there’s no room for anything extra. we’ve got our plates full and our hands fuller, and for a lot of us, the last thing we want is one more bless-ed thing to take care of. and in case He forgot, i remind Him: good gracious, Lord, i'm raising five children right now, don't you know? don't you see me running like a woman with her hair all on fire?

we don't have time to be called. and if we find a few minutes in the evening, we are flat out of energy.

i know. i’ve been there too. i’ve wasted some good time at night on the couch with reality television droning on the screen and a bag of doritos waning in my lap. i’ve even tried to convince myself that i’ve earned it. and maybe i have on occasion, but not all the time. not often. nope, sorry, you can't convince me of that one. it's about the push.

now, i’m going to stop right here for a moment and make sure we are still all on the same page. just in case one of you has wandered a bit ...  (we women, we are prone to wander)!

hear me girls: I AM IN NO WAY undermining or belittling or bemoaning motherhood. from the time i was two it was all i wanted to do ... to be ... to become. and it still is. after five kids, i can honestly say, it’s been my favorite season, my biggest blessing, my sweetest place. i flat out adore the wild-riot of it. and there’s not a day that goes by where i don’t give thanks for the chance to be home right now with my brood...even when they wipe their peanut butter on my backside or use my pricey salon shampoo for a science experiment. (yep, uh-huh, happened).

but...

i still think we’ve got some other good stuff inside of us. i don’t think the-great-mommy-hood has to trump all other places of productivity. it is an amazing part of God's plan, but it is not our only purpose. i know some of you handle careers and run companies and chair incredible events and lead 14 different bible studies ... and some of you do it eating all organically and wearing snazzy high heels. and maybe i’m not writing to you ... or maybe i am. maybe it’s your career or your calling that’s taken the place of the real dream ... stepped over that seed ... ignored the idea. maybe for you it’s not about doing one thing more, but about doing one thing less. i don’t know. either way, i am always in awe of women who juggle jobs and juice cups and just about everything. simply in awe.

so what am i suggesting?

i’m not entirely sure ...
oooh, i wince as i type that. face scrunched, teeth clenched, head bowed and shoulders up tight at my ears. i can feel your disappointment seeping out of my laptop even now as i pound out those words. i know you want an answer. i know you'd like a really helpful "how to." come on jody lynn, can't you please come up with something better than that?

but  here’s the deal girl: i’m not entirely sure what your seed is or how it’s best to be fed. i don’t want to pretend that i know your stuff. your stuff is your stuff. my stuff is my stuff.

but here’s what i do know:

YOU’VE GOT A SEED!

each one of you has a unique gift and talent from God. he’s called you to something special. he may have called you to children and, believe me, that is both a gift and a talent, and it takes a whole lot of special. Amen? but maybe in the middle of all that, there’s also something else that’s waiting to be watered. waiting to be dug up and carefully considered.

i’m not telling you how. i’m just encouraging you to dig around a little... and consider.

hear me again girls, this post isn't about pressure. it's about the push to keep digging for God's holy purpose. He will use us right where we are. i am only submitting to you today, that God wants to use you -- all of you.

i’m giving you (and mostly me) the same lecture i give my kids: YOU CAN DO IT. you have something special. go ahead and push yourself. push through the pain. push through the problems. push through the places of maybe too much comfort ... and climb closer to Him.

“press on toward the goal for the prize 
of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
~ philippians 3:14

a little note:
i wrote this post on the plane this morning while flying to the She Speaks conference in charlotte. i'm here now and just wrapped up day one. it's been fantastic so far. 
so, guess what analogy the kick-off speaker (sharon glasgow) used in the opening session earlier today (after i wrote this post on the plane)?  pushing the gas pedal down and beginning to go! 

perhaps more on that tomorrow!  God has such a sense of timing...and humor!