twenty answers

a tiny glimpse...
below are the questions we submitted to "a source" inside the orphanage. it took almost a month, but we have 20 answers to our questions. not quite elaborate answers, mind you, but at least it is something. we really do not know who provided the information or exactly how accurate it is. however, considering we have heard nothing since early august, we are very thankful for even this tiny glimpse.

1. medically, how is she doing?
Since her surgery, her recovery has been well. But still can hear the murmur of 2/62. has she had any complications since the surgery?
No3. any illness or irregularities?
No
4. is xue zhu active?
她的性格活泼吗
Yes, she is very active now5. is she still with the same nanny?
Yes6. did she and the nanny ever receive our care package?
Yes7. is there anything else we can send? will she get it?
We don’t need anything so far and we will let you know if she needs anything we can’t get from here.8. is there any way we could visit her this fall/winter?
If you can get approval from both local civil affair and CCAA, you can.
9. how often is she evaluated (medically/developmentally)?
The doctor advised us only to take her to do the check if she has anything wrong. Otherwise, we don’t need to do it.10. what are her favorite activities? favorite things?
She likes rattle the most. Any toy with sound.
11. does she show an interest in something specific?
She likes to be held all the time.
12. we were told she would need another surgery before her 2nd birthday (in february), is there any plan for that?
So far we don’t think so.
13. is she crawling or walking?
She can crawl and stand by holding
14. how is her language development?
She can say one character words15. does she seem peaceful or stressed?
She looks very peaceful16. does she seem to be developing on track, physically and cognitively? has anyone observed this? evaluated? noticed anything?
She does. We just evaluate everything by her daily behavior17. is there anything we can do or provide from our end?
So far, no18. is "half the sky" involved with her? i heard they are known to be in this orphanage in particular.
Yes, she is in the program19. can we please receive more pictures or video?
We only can provide pics20. is there a way to get a current prognosis of her medical state? we were told they would give us this after she could be observed for a while after her surgery...is this possible?
Sorry, we can’t give this to you now.

a list of questions...

though we have been plenty busy filling out forms and providing information these past couple of months, we haven't really been able to get anything new on xue zhu. the last update we received was a post surgery report and 3 pictures from the first week in august. our agency explained that the orphanage director basically "shut down" all forms of communication regarding matched children in his orphanage. in late july there was some kind of major snafu with an american family adopting a child from this xue zhu's orphanage. something was botched. the government got involved. fingers were pointed. blame was cast. tempers flared. and because the director isn't obligated to provide information, he has chosen to halt all communication. believe it or not, he can do this. our agent spent 3 weeks in china during august...though he petitioned many times to visit with the children in this orphanage that were matched with families in his agency, he was never granted permission. he left china without ever seeing xue zhu.


i had considered trying to go this fall and see her, but was told that the same would most likely happen to me. i could get all the way to guanzhou city, china and would get no further than the orphanage gate. how can this be? we have a pre-approval document from the government of china. they told us our name "is upon her." how could they possibly deny us information? a visit? an update? a picture? a tiny glimpse?


 just this week we received an email from our agent saying, "we have found a line of communicaton inside the orphanage. our source tells us that xue zhu is doing quite well since the surgery." our agent suggested we should make a list of questions we might have and he would forward them to this new source.


a list of questions? really? no guidelines? no number? no word limit? no boundaries? just an open ended list? yes, i suppose i could come up with just a few...i want to know Everything and when i am through knowing Everything, i want to know More. i want to know about her health, and her spirits, and her care...but i also want to know the sound of her laugh, the shape of toes, the feel of her hair. i am greedy in my wanting...in my knowing.
i am just a mother who wants to know her child. so i will ask..

is she happy?
is she held?
is she safe?
is she cared for?
is she comforted?

does she smile?
does she sing?
does she laugh?
does she cry?
does she call out?

is she crawling?
standing?
walking?
running?
skipping?
jumping?
dancing?

what did she wear today?
yesterday?
tomorrow?

has anyone read her a book?
tucked her in?
played a game with her?
rocked her gently?
tickled her tummy?
laughed with her?
smiled at her?
soothed her?
sung to her?
stroked her hair?
praised her?
corrected her?
noticed her?

what fills her days?
her hours?
her minutes?

has she felt the warmth of the sun?
the cool of the breeze?
the drops of gentle rain?
has she ever sat in the grass?
been pushed on a swing?
strolled through a park?
twirled around?
stepped in a puddle?
giggled?

is she warm enough?
is she full enough?
is she clean enough?
is she held enough?

does she like balls?
or books?
or dolls?
or trucks?
or animals?
or bubbles?

is there someone to call her by name?
whisper in her ear?
listen to her cry?
comfort her with touch?
wipe her face?
brush her hair?
wash her hands?
is she talking?
what does she say?
is there someone to listen?
is there someone to answer?
how soft is her skin?
her hair?
her voice?
her heart?


what does she wonder?
wish?
dream?
desire?
think?
know?
hope?
hold?


. . . just to mention a few.