from pink tulle to red silk

i don't typically decorate with snakes.  in fact,  this was kind of a first for me. and it ended up being one of those table decorations which i felt the need to "explain" all evening long, at least to the cute little girls who were hesitantly sizing up the slithery things while reaching for an egg roll.  but, after all, it is the year of the snake and for this chinese new year we decided to pull out all the stops and throw in a few serpents.  (vintage dollar store... spray painted antique gold). sssss...

sienna, ruby, bella and emme jade!

really, take one look at these pictures and you'll know we had some fun.  my good friend, diana, and i joined together in our mandarin madness and, along with our husbands, hosted a chinese new year party this past saturday night. rick and i have been wanting to do this since bringing bella home from china. it seemed a wonderful way to celebrate a tiny part of her culture and homeland.  yes, she lives in america. and yes, she is now 100% a part of an american family,  but our little girl was born on the other side of the world in a unique and extraordinary land.  as much as we are thrilled that she's here, we do desire, in some way, to embrace the beauty and rich history of her incredible heritage.

though we have no immediate plans to follow the zodiac calendar or worship our ancestors, there is much about the chinese culture to celebrate.   and that's what we did saturday night.  we aren't going to be adding buddha to our home anytime soon, there will be no following of multiple gods or reverence for the dragon...but we can pull out the artful aspects of china's opulent beauty and we can very much celebrate the place of our daughters' birth.  one of my favorite things on saturday night was when our friend, michelle, brought us a lovely hostess gift.  in our gift she also included a red envelope for each of our children (my 5 and diana's 4).  inside each envelope she had placed a two dollar bill (giving money to children on this holiday is customary), but on the outside of the envelope she had taken the time to write "Jesus loves you" in chinese.  the ancient chinese ancestors might not like that, but we sure loved it!

i'm glad we pushed ourselves along with this party plan.  it wasn't completely easy.  with two of my girls sharing an early february birthday, there's a part of me which feels all party-ed out this month -- understandably.  but, again, i'm pleased we found the margin to make this happen. it was worth every detailed list or late night. and it was such a blast to work with a kindred party planning buddy -- thanks diana rouse!  so this week my thoughts and plans moved rapidly from pink tulle (bella's ballet party -- last saturday) to red silk.  i've included some interesting tidbits about this holiday and a few photos (the really good photos are from diana's camera) from our party.  i hope you enjoy!

a few facts about the chinese new year:

Chinese New Year is celebrated in countries and territories with significant Chinese populations, including Mainland China, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Mauritius, Philippines, and also in Chinatowns elsewhere.
bella may be our only chinese child, but she's significant enough for us to celebrate!

It is also traditional for every family to thoroughly cleanse the house, in order to sweep away any ill-fortune and to make way for good incoming luck. 
well, we really don't believe in the ideas of "luck" and "fortune"...but i am absolutely a big fan of a thorough house cleansing.   i am not sure we swept away any ill-fortune, but i did have a great big pile of dog hair when i finished with my broom!

Legend has it that in ancient times, Buddha asked all the animals to meet him on Chinese New Year. Twelve came, and Buddha named a year after each one. He announced that the people born in each animal's year would have some of that animal's personality. Those born in snake years are wise, charming, gregarious, introverted, generous, and smart.

so, i guess that explains the snake.  he must have been one of the 12 animals hanging out with buddha.  a few other animals attending the buddha meeting were the rat, ox, dragon and pig....personally i wouldn't have incorporated rats or snakes, i think we could have come up with some other, more charming creatures, but okay.  whatever.  we'll go with it. bella, by the way, is the year of the rat.  i know this because her orphanage gave us a statue with a rat on it.  it was a nice thought, but needless to say, the rat statue isn't on display in her bedroom. 

Windows and doors will be decorated with red colour paper-cuts and couplets with popular themes of "good fortune" or "happiness", "wealth", and "longevity." Other activities include lighting firecrackers and giving money in red paper envelopes.
yes.  we embraced this part with great enthusiasm.  (did someone say "decorating???") lots and lots of red and gold.  i ordered paper lanterns and then even ordered some more...because can you ever have enough paper lanterns?  remind me to tell you the story sometime about how i wrangled rick into hanging them for me.  "a little to the left...no, honey, a little to the right...a little higher...no, a little lower."  we were able to hang exactly 3 together before he, in order to save our marriage, carefully removed himself from the dining room and my gigantic pile of lanterns.  what can i say, i had a vision...

At Chinese New Year celebrations people wear red clothes, decorate with poems on red paper, and give children "lucky money" in red envelopes. Red symbolizes fire, which according to legend can drive away bad luck. The fireworks that shower the festivities are rooted in a similar ancient custom. Long ago, people in China lit bamboo stalks, believing that the crackling flames would frighten evil spirits.
i hadn't thought at all about fireworks, but thankfully our good friends, leslie and greg robertson, were on it.  greg brought his supply and shot a few off for the kids down on the lake.  by the way, please don't tell my boys about the bamboo stalks of fire custom ...they'd be all over that one... and knowing us, we'd probably end up burning away more than just some bad luck.

one part of our party which we didn't photograph, but i must mention, is the minnesota influence.  in minnesota, it is customary to remove your shoes at the front door.  (i think that's kind of chinese too -- but for different reasons of course).  i WISH i could show you a picture of what our foyer looked like after approximately 75 people shed their shoes....just imagine!  it was right up there with the golden snakes. when we first moved to minnesota, i had a hard time with this. for you see,  i am a shoe girl.  i wear them and i like them.  i like them on my feet, not at the front door.  sometimes i even plan my outfit around my shoes. (i realize i have just given you some really, really, really shallow information about myself....oh well...judge if you must).  but i suppose it was a really good thing after the mushy, wet wintry weather we've had this week, that most of the minnesotans removed their shoes saturday night.  next year, we plan to have chinese flip flops or silk slippers available for everyone! new shoes? happy chinese new year, indeed!

so, that's it.  that was chinese new year 2013.  what i loved most about this evening was the fun.  it was a really fun night watching so many different people come together.  it was a blessing to see friends who had probably never attended a chinese new year party stop by and celebrate with great enthusiasm...not because they are necessarily connected to the chinese new year, but because they have a connection with our families -- and that's something worth celebrating for sure!

feeling really blessed tonight as i write this...blessed...(and i'll admit) a little bit exhausted.

and just in case you were wondering...next year...it's the year of the horse.  giddy up!  let the party planning begin!

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY y'all!

almond tea cookies.  we made these.  yes, yes we did.  

diana and i got together on friday for some chinese cooking in my kitchen. we were especially proud of our asian dumplings AKA "pot stickers."  they weren't the prettiest pot stickers ever to grace a chinese table (thus, we didn't photograph them)...but they were super yummy!

i took these photos the next morning.  we had several inches of snow that night and throughout the day...  snow tipped chinese lanterns....minnesota style!

a glimpse of how God works

don't you just love how God works?  so this morning i got to skype with my friend meritt (she's in china at the moment adopting two girls).  there we were,  just two friends chatting.  she in her pjs (ready for bed) me in my pjs (just waking up). i had my coffee cup in hand and was perched on a stool at my kitchen counter, like she and i have sat there together 100 times.  it was just the two of us with our technology.  well, i guess her husband, mike, was close by, but he was being well behaved for once (i.e, quiet)...so all was well.   we were catching up on all the news there in china and back here at home when she said, "hey, by the way,  i met someone here who knows you."  did i mention meritt is in china?  "really?" i was surprised. "yes, we had dinner last night with her and her husband."


let me back up a bit...
so this lovely woman who has been following along on my blog wrote me awhile back.  they had been also pursuing a special needs adoption in china and had been finally matched with a little girl last may.  they were feeling quite overwhelmed in the decision of it all.  this little girl also had some very complex heart issues like bella.  my new blog-friend, amy, shared a bit of her story with me and was asking for encouragement.  this step felt huge for them.  unbelievably huge and incredibly scary.  i was so overwhelmed with her story and her bravery -- because these things DO require just a little courage -- i wrote her back immediately.  by a strange turn of events, the post showed up back on my own blog (june 6th - "mama's mooncake"...you can read what i wrote, but click on the title and it will direct you to amy's blog as well --- go ahead, look for it and read!).  i was so tickled with her story and moved by her honesty, instead of erasing the accidental post, i left it there thinking to myself, "you never know...you just never know who might read this and be touched."


i am not really sure what i want from my blog.  honestly, i'm conflicted at times on the things i choose to post.  too much? too little?  too what?  not quite certain, i just kind of go with my heart on it all.  but i can say with confidence, i very much want my writing to encourage others to consider adoption.  i don't mean inspire -- that assumes too much. but i do mean encourage.  sometimes we just need a little push when we're ready to jump.  sometimes we need a big old shove.  i know we did.  i know rick did. i certainly did.  i would love to chronicle someday all the little pushes and big shoves we received in the days leading up to us saying YES! it's an amazing story -- one that only God could think up and one that only God could weave together.


anyway, this sweet woman, who wrote me months ago -- well, yep, you guessed it...she and her husband were the ones at the dinner table with the sims last night in china.  and between these two couples from georgia, sat three little girls:  mary henley, maggie and qwinn!  i mean can't you just see it?  how can any of us not get teary-eyed over that image.  maybe because i know a little bit about both of these stories and the fears and the hardships and the worries and the work and the wonder involved.  maybe that is why i can't hear this kind of stuff without feeling overwhelmed with God's sovereignty and grace and goodness.  i hadn't caught up with amy in awhile and had no idea she was traveling at the exact same time as mike and meritt.  but there they all are.  two families with big lives back here in georgia...and even bigger hearts opening up to their new daughters in china.  it is truly amazing. (and, it goes without saying,  i am truly j e a l o u s).


none of this is about me, however.  but i am feeling a little giddy this morning that God allowed me a small glimpse into how He works.   how He calls people for a time such as this.  how He calls people for a need such as this.  how He calls people for children such as these.  how He calls ordinary, average, everyday, normal people.  there are over 165 million orphans in our world today.  children like bella and mary henley and maggie and qwinn.  oh friends, the need is so great, it is staggering to think about.  but what i want to reflect in my writing and my sharing of these other stories, is that the blessing is even greater.  it is greater than we can possibly imagine.  i don't mean everything is perfect or easy.  good heavens no!  read a little bit about maggie's tearful leaving of her caregivers...read a little bit about bella's life saving surgery at 18months alone in a hospital...read a little bit about the freezing cold orphanage mary henley was living in...look at the pictures of where these girls were abandoned as tiny babies...these are not easy things.   i won't ever write that all of this is easy, but it is good.  so good.  so very good.  not just for these girls who get to come home to warm beds and big brothers and sweet sisters and bowls of oatmeal and christmas mornings and bedtime stories... but it is good for us -- the families who wait for them and then welcome them home.  it is amazing for us, in fact.  i often have people stop me and ask about bella.  (my family will tell you i ALWAYS stop and talk to these people). they want to know her story.  and when i quickly tell them even the littlest bit about her, their reaction is always the same:  "oh, what a fortunate little girl.  oh, what a lucky little girl.  oh, what a blessed little girl!"  that's what i hear, time and time again, and without fail, my response is always, "yes, but we are even more blessed.  we are the lucky ones.  we are the fortunate ones."  sometimes it seems a pat kind of answer, but i only have to watch bella being tickled by a big brother and hear her uncontrollable laughter.  i only have to walk into her room at night and watch the even breathing of her body and the heavy lashes of her closed eyes.  i only have to feel her tiny arms tight around my neck to know we are blessed abundantly with the gift of this girl.


one other thing...this friend, amy, also wrote me several times to encourage me in my cancer battle.  she was praying for me all the way through.  her own mother battled cancer... and she could relate.  and well, most of you know, meritt was my right hand woman throughout this journey.  she attended every doctor's visit and was with me every step of the ugly way. i had an appointment this past week, and i believe it was the very first one she was not along for.  (i think she has a good excuse). anyway, i find that kind of cool too...these women, this journey, that journey, china, blogposts and precious girls... how do we ever doubt the Master Creator, the Weaver Designer, the Ordainer of Days, the Alpha and Omega...the one who loved and pursued and adopted us.


so, i've asked my friends and readers to pray for the sims family as they bring home their girls. i love that so many of you are following along in their unbelievably cool journey.  and now, let me add another precious family...amy, anthony and their daughter qwinn.  qwinn's adoption was in the same room as bella's.  you'll maybe recognize the wall behind them. seems hard to believe we stood there only 18 months ago with our little girl.  

if you do happen to get to amy's blog "mama's mooncake" ... you'll find this prayer in the upper right hand corner.  i think it kind of sums up what this is really all about. 

Lord,

I know that you are growing our hearts so that we will have a love for this baby, that is from you. One that exceeds the boundaries of the womb. The kind of love that put Christ on the cross....the kind that sent Him to die, so that you could adopt me. Thank you for this love. Amen

whoever welcomes one of these little ones...

january first and i sat in church, pretty much like i do every sunday.  but this morning,  the tears just kept coming.  it had something to do with all the talk of new and hope and beginnings.   and it had something to do with the fact that two of our very best friends, mike and meritt, had just boarded a plane heading for china. 


 talk about new and hope and beginnings... 

mike and meritt started their pursuit of maggie back in the late summer of 2010.  maggie was on the special needs list with a heart defect.  she had had surgery in china and was doing well, living in an orphanage in xi'an.  they fell in love with this little girl and as a family of five they began the lengthy adoption process.  the plan was to get her within a year.  the plan was getting only her.  but with some changes in china adoption, one year later,  they were presented with the chance to adopt a second special needs child.  


i remember meritt's phone call.  the deliberation.  the heart-wrenching discussion.  the what ifs.  "can we do this?"  she asked.  "is this the best thing? is it what God wants for us?"  it was big enough bringing home one little girl, but two? they prayed over the situation.  it wasn't so cut and dried.  if they pursued a second child, it would push back their travel to maggie.  maggie was turning 4 in october -- what mother doesn't want her little girl home for her birthday?  there would be no way the sims would be able to get maggie in time to celebrate.  and i have to tell you, the missed moments, the missed birthdays and christmases...well those add up in a mother's heart.  i remember so well when we were waiting for bella and we watched a christmas and then a birthday go by without her in our arms.  it seemed impossible, but i already loved this little girl half a world away. when you begin the process of pursuing a child across oceans and continents, patience takes on whole different meaning.  how could the sims delay their trip one extra minute more to bring home maggie?  but then there was this other little girl.  and her file sat with them on their desk...in their thoughts...all over their hearts.  


and somehow God whispered into mike and meritt words of encouragement.  words of hope.  words of His faithfulness.  you can do this!  maybe maggie wouldn't be home in time for birthday cake, but she'd come home with something much sweeter -- a sister from her homeland.  push back the travel a bit and bring home two little girls - amazing.   imagine, two little girls from china joining an already busy and half-raised family of five.  incredible, isn't it? perfect, wouldn't you say?  my joke with meritt is that when she told me about this new turn of events, i knew immediately they would be bringing home two girls.  as soon as she explained the possibility, i was completely on board.  "of course," i thought.  it seemed perfect to me. (is there anything more annoying then when the friend thinks she knows?).  the sims' children are a little older: marshall, a college senior and about to be married;  macey, a high school senior and about to head off to college; and matt, an 8th grader, getting ready to graduate and head into the busy years of high school.   what a perfect time to bring home a toddler (or two), right?  

and so enter mary henley.  a second little girl in a totally different province.  mary henley who also had a similar heart defect as maggie.   mary henley who also had her heart surgery in china.  and mary henley who also, very much, needed a mama and a daddy of her own.  the sims would push back travel and pursue two little girls.  maggie turned 4 last october and mary henley will be 4 this coming april.  two girls in two parts of china coming together to one family.  can i get an A-men!  is adoption not the coolest thing ever?  does God not have the most amazing ideas ever? 


as i write this today, our friends have finally landed in hefie and are just hours away from meeting their first daughter.  at 10 am january 4th, (their time - about 9pm our time tonight) they will welcome mary henley into their arms.  a few days later the three of them will leave hefie and travel to  xi'an to embrace their precious maggie.  it has only been 18 months since we traveled this same road to our bella.   there simply are no words to express the emotion of this experience.  i cannot imagine doing it once and then boarding a plane and doing it a few days later.  but that is exactly the story unfolding on the other side of the world this week.  


would you keep our friends in your prayers?  these days and weeks are huge.  traveling around a foreign country with two toddler girls.  girls speaking a different language.  girls who are leaving all they've ever known,  all that is familiar.  we know from experience the supernatural which can occur.  the quick bonding.  the amazing non-verbal communication.  the language of immediate love -- all of it pure and sweet Jesus.  but this family would covet your prayers as their arms and hearts expand and as they stretch wide the borders of possibility.   we've known meritt and mike and their children for a very long time, they will be incredible parents to these girls.  they will bring maggie and mary henley home to more than america though...they will bring them to a family, a home, a chance to hear about Jesus.  i write this today and the tears just flow for the 
beauty of it all.  to God be the glory.


thank you Lord for stirring in the hearts of this family.  thank you for the work you are about to do.  
"He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever welcomes one of these little ones in my name, welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." ~ Mark 9:36    this is the verse mike selected for the top of their blog.  and this is exactly it.   what a picture of God's tender love for children and His tender love for us.  

"we adopt not because we are rescuers, 
but because we, ourselves, have been rescued." 

follow the sims' story at:    http://msims7.blogspot.com/

operating instructions

you've heard the expression babies don't always come with operating instructions, right? every new parent secretly wishes the stork would have dropped off a special manual when he made his bouncing baby delivery. i know. i was that new parent once. actually, i would have eagerly accepted a directional booklet for any of my children at any age.  there is always so much to find out...so much to figure out. adopting a 2 and 1/2 year old is no different. we have used the past week to decipher the meaning of each look, sound and mood.  we've figured out little things like bella loves ice cream.  and we've figured out some bigger things like bella sometimes prefers not to be touched. she probably didn't always have an eager mommy or daddy's hands on her and we can see that. she wakes from her nap and wants us to sit near her, but not hug her tight or stroke her arm. at other times she wants very much for us to hold her closely and rub her back. it has been a terrific exercise in reading her body language.  we have figured out how she can be seemingly helpless, asking us to feed her or do something simple and the next thing i know she insists on running ahead or doing it her way. i can almost hear her adamant voice demand, "I DO IT!" we are just weeks, maybe days, away from hearing that expression come squealing out of her determined little mouth. she has this feisty little side that kind of takes people by surprise. she is tiny and delicate and sweet, but completely unannounced bossy betty moves in. she begins pointing and chattering and positioning herself. it is really something to watch. i am a little intimidated, but please don't tell her that...or at least wait until she is 18 or so. no, let's make that 30. in the meantime, i am doing my best to put on my seasoned mommy face, as i tell her, "yeah, been there...done that. you don't scare me, little miss." i find it so interesting that God has chosen for me three daughters who all have this brilliantly strong streak in them. my parents would quickly tell you it is paybacks. at the very least, it is evidence we serve a God with a great sense of humor.   anyway, she is most definitely doing all of the wonderful and terrible things two year olds do. i have a feeling this will be humbling year for me. a blessed year, no doubt, but also humbling. if you happen to see me giving in or bribing her or choosing that lovely path of least resistance parenting, would you kindly look away...or at least smile kindly? i am making her sound like a terror. she is not. she is absolutely delicious. but she is two. enough said.

bella did not come with operating instructions, but she did have a few odds and ends with her when we met:


her outfit - bright green shorts and a yellow top and garfield sandals.
a throw pillow - with which she likes to sleep. actually with which she needs to sleep. we haven't attempted to experiment otherwise.
a strange sculpture of a rat - a gift from the orphanage - umm...not sure about the rat thing.
a bag of medicine for her cold - all of which was in chinese and most of which we were clueless on how to use.   we went to see the american/canadian doctor quickly.
a baby blanket and photo album -  last year we had sent her a care package.  these were two of the items in the package. we had never been able to find out if she received them. so we were floored to see them show up with her.  the album had pictures of our family, her home, our pets and our life...perhaps someone did take the time to thumb through it with her on occasion. 
a milk container - she had in her hands a little container of milk when she walked up to us. perhaps it was supposed to be a hint about what she might drink.  when we we first layed eyes on her, we weren't thinkng about the milk container.  the only reason i know she had it, is from the pictures.  we should have paid more attention.


there is one other thing bella brought which i think is worth sharing.  we didn't recognize this gift right away, but we have grown very much to appreciate it.  we can tell bella was well cared for in her orphanage. this is not such a tangible item as those listed above, but i have had so much pleasure in seeing evidence of this gift. let me explain.  bella pays special attention to her grooming needs. she is careful to wash and wipe her hands and face. i know this seems really small, but it isn't. it tells me someone took the time to keep her clean and even to teach her good habits. last night after wiping her hands on a towel in the bathroom, it fell off the rack. she worked very hard to get it back up to where it belonged. she didn't just drop it on the floor or ignore it.  perhaps she can work with her 12 year old brother when we return. anyway, i have noticed this in how she cares for her toys and things as well. she is careful to put things back in their place.  i can tell she likes order.  in addition, if there are crumbs on the table, or a spot of something spills she insists on wiping it up.  what a bonus in a soon to be household of seven!  now you may think i am reading too much into this, but i assure you, it is a good sign. bella lived two full years in this orphanage, during a time where she was developing important building blocks for her future. i will glory in every little glimpse i discover. when the nanny handed her to us she told us (via our interpreter) that she was a favorite at the orphanage with all the nannies. they all loved her and referred to her as the "angel of the orphanage"...that was the first thing we were told about our daughter as she was placed into our arms. i couldn't agree more. when we returned a few days later and watched some of the children and nannies with her, it was clear, she had been well loved.  above and beyond all things, i am most grateful for this.  it was my specific and even desperate prayer the entire year we pursued her.  "please, Lord, let there be people around her to offer comfort, attention,  love, and a soft touch. please, Lord, allow someone to provide a soft touch for our child."
none of these items on the above list are incredibly special.  but i will never forget them.  they are all bella carried from her old life to her new life.  a typical two year old could usually fill a wagon with all their special and favorite items.  our other kids at two were well versed in the expression, "mine!" they had heaping piles of treasures by 30 months. bella held in her hand a small milk container.  is it any wonder rick and i have fallen over one another this week as we've given her toys, touches, clothes, baths, books, hugs, smiles,  puzzles, experiences, food, laughter, memories, drinks, shoes, time, boundaries, naps, medicine, ice cream cones....our love.  is it any wonder?

a sweet spot with bella

dearest bella ~ it is monday morning in china.  i woke early today.  very early.  there is rain on my 15th story window, but i don't really see it.  this past week we have walked in pure sunshine.  i don't really have the words to describe how we've felt since first meeting you, but pure sunshine is as close as i can come.  today we celebrate one week together.  only one week?  can it be possible?  perhaps it was the journey toward you that began this tremendous burst of  love for you. there is no logical explanation.  but it seems you've always been woven into our family.  into our hearts.  we know you so well already.  it might have something to do with the hours of staring we do.  you sleep.  we stare.  you eat.  we stare.  you laugh. we laugh.  oh how we've laughed at you and with you in these seven days.  there is so much to enjoy.  it is like a spring overflowing and we just can't keep up with the rush of water.  consumed and happily drowning.  now, sweet girl, we will board a plane in just a matter of days.  i have no doubt you'll be just as delightful on american soil, but life is about to change.   i keep whispering into your tiny ear, "bella, you are the youngest of five.  repeat after mama, 'youngest of five.'"  it is a place of honor.  a place of privilege. a place of occasional indulgence.  but it is, indeed,  a different place then where we have resided this week.   we have grown accustomed to waking up and enjoying a leisurely breakfast buffet in a beautiful hotel.  people pour our coffee and bring us silverware and stand nearby ready to assist with our smallest want.  oh, my darling, not so in the mcnatt morning kitchen.  it is a place where you get your own silverware (and wash it if there is none clean to be found---always a possibility).  it is a place where the waffles come out of boxes and the breakfast isn't always a warm one.  if you're not especially quick the last cinnamon roll will be snatched right off the plate in front of you and somedays the milk container runs empty.  right now i cannot imagine not making you a special bowl of congee each morning.  i cannot fathom not sitting and spoon feeding you bite sized morsels each meal.  but bite-size-morsel-feeding just isn't on the  menu when you are the youngest of five.  especially when you are a 2 and 1/2 year old who is quite capable of feeding herself.  you have been so funny bella.  i know you have spent two years in an orphanage and have finely tuned survival skills.  we have seen evidence of those most amazing skills.  but you are also so willing to let us coddle and cuddle and comfort you.  you figured out quickly you didn't have to fight for your food and protect your plate at meals.  and quickly you began asking us to feed you.  even raisins and cheerios.  you love to point at each piece of food, asking us with your eyes to spoon it into your open mouth. like a baby bird.  i know by some standards this is ridiculous.  but it is like you have this instinct which knows you need to go backwards a bit.  i imagine your spoon feeding days at the orphanage were short lived.  i imagine you've never sat a table as center of attention.  every child needs that...at least for a little while.  no doubt when we arrive home there will be plenty of people who will continue to promote and protect your queen-bee status.   there will be no shortage of spoon feeders and hand holders. i know of at least four children ready and waiting to gobble you right up.  i am already imagining my job refereeing.    but, life will have to, at some point, resume again in our household of seven.   you were made for our family.  God hand chose you to be our baby.  our youngest.  He knew what He was doing and i have no doubt, somehow, He goes before us in this time of transition.  what we want you to know is how much we adore you after only seven days.  we cannot imagine it had we missed this opportunity to find you.   i lay in bed at night and think how easily it would have been to logically and practically and even responsibly have said, "no."   i am almost paralyzed with the thought of it.  you, bella-b, are a great big YES child.  you are as much a wonderful decision as your four older brothers and sisters.  i praise God even right this very moment that somehow He kept tapping on the door of our hearts.  He didn't allow us to stop.  He pushed us forward in our fear and He knocked down the walls of our logical thinking.  most of all,  He promised us along the way He would be with us.  i cannot tell you that i have always felt at the center of His will.  i wish i could say i live there daily.  but, i am afraid that might not be fully true.  but with you...we have very much experienced the sweet spot of knowing we were exactly where Jesus asked us to be.  and whether at a table covered in fine linen or a counter sticky with eggo syrup...it is a sweet spot indeed.

shopping, drinking and hoping in guangzhou city china

so in the past couple of days we've had some time to do a little shopping.  we've strolled in and out of  stores and around the markets. i am fascinated by it all.  i could easily stand and watch a duck being de-feathered or listen to a wizened old woman share with me (in rapid chinese) the details of her jade.  no matter, i am delighted. i love just shaking my head and making affirming noises.  i think we understand each other in some small way.   i am, however, driving my husband crazy.  i enjoy weaving from stall to stall, taking pictures and having funny conversations.  he follows me with bella in the stroller doing his best to act as body guard to us both.   he is 6'4...picture him in "the stance"... arms crossed,  shades on and shoulders back.  he is so not messing around.  he knows we are somewhat of a spectacle.  people are fascinated with the fact that,  A. we are americans, and B. we have a chinese daughter...oh, and C.  she sucks her fingers.  apparently sucking your fingers in china is a terrible offense.  we've had countless people try to tell us to make her stop.  several people have gotten down at her level and harshly said, NO!  or something like NO in chinese.   really, we have NO idea what they are telling her.  yesterday one woman kept following us around. she made a sour face and smacked her ear (not bella's ear - that would have been "go time" for body guard daddy).  she kept following us and smacking her own ear.  i had no idea what the ear had to do with it, but  i finally had to tell her in my sweetest american voice to get lost.  bella's lived two years in an orphanage. she's had no one to offer consistent comfort, nothing but her two fingers...if she wants to suck on them, she sure as heck can.  we'll deal with the ortho bills later. and besides, we find it kind of cute.   anyway, going out on the streets is always an adventure.  we are staying in this great hotel, but once you exit off its premesis, it truly is every man, woman and child for themselves.  i have never seen anything like it.  bangkok was busy and crazy, but the crowd seemed more respectful of one another.  new york city is congested and chaotic, but i am telling you the streets in guangzhou make nyc seem almost idyllic.  if you are not paying attention you could easily be plowed down by a pedestrian, a bicycle or vehicle - i use the term loosely.   it is wall to wall people and bumper to bumper cars.   yesterday we had to take a taxi to the medical clinic.  we could not go with our group because i had woken up with "travelers flu" (a whole other story, one that i'm NOT about to tell) and was just not able to get on the bus at 9:30 am with everyone else.   so we were on our own.  it was imperative that we get to the clinic before noon and have bella's TB test read.   our guide had written down on a piece of paper the address of the clinic and when it came time to go we handed it to the taxi driver.  what should have taken 20 minutes and cost 20 yen turned into a 50 minute and 50 yen trip.  it was the ride of a lifetime.  i already had a sick stomach, there was no air conditioning,  some loud clanging music was playing repeatedly, and the driver was weaving around cars and turning sharply in front of oncoming buses...it was the craziest thing ever. about 10  minutes into the trip  i realized the only way i was getting through this experience was to close my eyes.  of course there also are no car seats in china, i held bella on my lap and we were both a sweaty mess by the time we arrived at the clinic, 50 yen and 50 minutes later.  we were all pretty much  in need of the clinic by the time we arrived.

drink shopping at trust-mart

okay, i have to tell you also about the issues we've had getting bella to drink.  you know from the posts and the pictures (and the crazy dinner video) this girl never stops eating.  this is true.  we are amazed at her appetite.  but drinking has been entirely a different matter.   with her cough and cold the liquids are quite important.  we are in a climate with heat so intense it is easily to get zapped just sitting still.   however, bella has been quite resistant about what she will drink.  the nanny who handed her to us last monday said she liked a bottle first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  that worked for about one day...then she was done with her bottle (not entirely a bad thing at age 2).  but since then we've been working on every type of drink,  drinking device and drinking methodology known to man.  i mean it, barring alcohol, there is no liquid in all of guangzhou city which we haven't offered bella.  rick is the most adamant about getting her to drink. when he was offering her a milk yesterday i got up and left the room, i told him i couldn't stand to see him rejected one more time.   now, before any of you get too worried, she is getting enough.  we are monitoring all the signs...and have no reason for real alarm.  and yesterday we finally had a breakthrough.  i allowed miss independent pants the chance to pour her own water bottle into the cap of the bottle (looks like a little cup)...ooh she was delighted!  reminder for jody:  two year olds like everything to be a game. even their hydration needs.   uuugggh.....i knew that...but it has been a few years and i have to get back on my toddler game.   rick would probably also like me to tell you how he scoured the city and came up with a drink called gigi.  it is in a pouch and is sort of a jello-like substance...i like to refer to it as gelatinous gunk...but he is certain it is full of vitamins and minerals.   nonetheless, it has a picture of a young chinese rockstar on it...sort of a justin beiber looking young man.  i don't know if it is the rockstar influence or what, but bella seems to really like her gelatinous gunk.  our guides did assure us it was pretty much only fruit juice.    but between heading off to buy specialty drinks for bella and gatorade for me, rick has been earning his keep.  i wish you could see where he has been shopping as well, the local, "trust-mart."  it is a giant kind of wal-mart.  but think a little more rustic and lot more smelly.  next to the diaper aisle you are sure to find pickled duck feet and fish heads.  it is quite an adventure.  i try to send him at least once a day...he'll never again mind being asked to run in for milk at the publix back home.  seriously, it is fabulous.  i wish i could capture all the wonderful and terrible things that are a part of our experience.  even the stuff that is uncomfortable and unappetizing...it is all good.  different, yes...but good.

one of the things we have been doing while we shop is collecting gifts which we will give bella each year at her gotcha day celebration.  we'd like to present her with something every year until she is 18 (i so stole this idea from my friend, anna)... today i picked out a pearl ring for her 16th birthday.   before you get really impressed with our shopping ahead for 18 years, please know we are only doing this because we are in china.  i can't shop ahead for anything anymore.  i tried to do that for a while...it sounded so organized and well planned...but at 41 years of age, i can readily admit, i am too impetuous.  i find entirely too much pleasure in the heat of the moment type shopping - a character flaw, to be sure.  anyway, back to the pearl ring.  i looked at this ring and thought about her fingers at that age...i thought about her at that age.  we have possibly a long road ahead as we figure out bella's medical needs. but i can't wait to get home and tuck away this ring and the other precious items for our girl. it is a little bit like her hope chest.  and we do have great hope for our girl...great hope for her future.  it is exactly what our God promises.  "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  ~ jeremiah 29:11  it doesn't get any better than that.

bella of the ball

it has taken us less than 24 hours to realize we have a party girl on our hands.  oh yes, our bella is indeed the belle of the ball.  there's this sparkle.  we can't hardly describe the sparkle.  it is in her eyes...across her lips...within her laughter.  it makes everyone around her want to party and laugh and sparkle too.  


i wrote a note earlier today on facebook about how we know she is a princess...listed ten reasons.  i'll have to copy that into this post eventually.  let's just suffice it to say: she is.  what is amazing to me is i knew this before meeting her.  last december 22nd i posted a piece about a princess on the other side of the world.  well, we are now on her side of the world, and i can tell you my instincts were right on.  she is captivating.  wait until you meet her...you'll have to agree.  


in my december 22nd post i claimed psalm 45 for our bella.  it is the psalm i have claimed for all three of my daughters.  this psalm tells them exactly who they are:  daughters of the King.  now rick can sometimes be sort of kingly, and if i was being honest, i, personally, adore the idea of being queen...but this has really nothing to do with us.  this is entirely about our Heavenly Father, The King.    psalm 45 says,


"listen, o daughter, consider and give ear...the King is enthralled by your beauty, honor him for he is your Lord....all glorious is the princess within her chamber."
   
girls, isn't that wonderful?  whether we are born into wealth and security or left alone in a corridor, the King is enthralled with our beauty.  why do we have such a hard time believing that?  doesn't every little (and big girl) desire to be "all glorious within her chamber?"  


tomorrow we will travel to the orphanage which has raised bella for two years.  it is an orphanage with 3000 children - most of which are special needs kids.  this will not be easy.  i will see the room in which our darling daughter has slept. i assure you there won't be much about it which will seem glorioius.  i will see thousands of orphans...how am i to believe that they are all daughters of the King?  this is hard.  my faith is small. i see what is going on here in china and it is heartbreaking.  most of the kids today in orphanages are special needs babies.   these children are not considered worth much.  an orphan, especially a special needs orphan, is considered bad luck.  the lowest level in society.   there has been some change in china in regard to baby girls.   with much education, they are no longer dubbed worthless, but special needs cases are different.  often family members insist that a child born with any type of birth defect must be abandoned for the good of the family.  it is believed to be the worst sign of bad luck and the child simply cannot stay within the family.    it has become epidemic in china.  the government is doing its best to educate its people...but in a country that does not have the light of Jesus, it is so steeped in this archaic and  superstitious way of thinking.  


tomorrow we will also visit what is called the "finding place."  it is the place where bella was left two years ago.  we were told today it is only about 10 minutes away from our hotel.  since learning that piece of information i cannot stop thinking about the fact that as we walk around town we could very well be passing bella's birth parents or her birth home. after getting bella on monday, our travel guide called a meeting with all the adoptive families in our group.  he wanted to go through each child's file which was given to him that day and finalize some paperwork.  as he was thumbing through bella's file he gasped as he came across the original note left by her parents.  (we had no idea there was anything but a birthdate given).  but her biological parents had written this note and explained what desperate circumstances they were in.   (i will try to embed the video of simon reading the note in my blog at some point - it is on facebook though). these parents had no money and no means of providing medical care for bella. they realized after she was born how very sick she was and how much treatment she would need.  they explain that neither they, nor their family, has the ability to pay for what is needed.   they were abandoning her with hopes that someone "with loving arms" would be able to care for her medical needs.  what a treasure to have this note.  someday we will be able to share it with bella.  i have always felt that this was the case, but now we have confirmation.  when bella's 2nd birthday came this past year, i could not help but think of her birth mother.  throughout that day i continued to pray for this young woman ...i just knew she was remembering her little girl...i just knew she had to be carrying enormous grief.   i wish so desperately i could talk with this woman tonight.  she could very well be within walking distance to where i sit and type.   i wish i could somehow let her know that exactly two years after she abandoned her child out of love,  two scared americans boarded a plane and were headed to pick up where she left off.  i wish i could tell her this evening after spending only two days with this little girl how sparkly and precious and lovely she is.  oh, how i wish it.  


discovering this note will only spur me on to continue to pray for this mother and her pain.  after this incredible one year journey to bella, it would not surprise me if God somehow connected more dots in this story. i am convinced, He takes great pleasure in doing that for us.   needless to say,  tomorrow will be a day full of emotion.  i will sit and pray in the same stairwell this young mother left her baby girl in two years ago.  i will consider that out of her pain,  God already had a plan.  bella's life, even then, had a direction and a purpose...even as she was layed and left in this corridor, she was glorious in her Father's eyes.  and i will rejoice that this little girl is indeed a daughter of the King and He is most enthralled with her beauty.  and it goes without saying, we are too...

bella!

at some point the words will catch up with me.  but right now, i am just racing out ahead.  it is like being caught in a thunderstorm...the good kind.  i am drenched to the skin.  completely saturated in the blessings of the past 24 hours.  rick and i decided this morning at breakfast we wouldn't be even able to describe how wonderful the past day has been.  we met our daughter.  enough said.  we have prayed for this child...longed for this child...and here she finally is, in our arms.   we fell head over heels in love with her...it is completely miraculous how God can draw up this kind of love for a child we have only just met.  she was immediately ours.  she fit into the crook of my lap...nestled in like she had always been there.  she rides in her daddy's arms like she has been at this command post her entire life.  her smile is sweet....her giggle infectious...her personality joyful.  we are simply amazed.  we just keep staring and staring and staring.  rick had to prompt me to eat at breakfast this morning...i only wanted to sit and watch her.  it was our first meal together.  
 

my only regret is that our four other children cannot be here too.  we should have taken another mortgage out on the house...sold all that we had...it would have been worth it.   i cannot wait for the day when we walk off that airplane and they meet their new sister.  they will adore her...and she them. i am sure of it.  leaving the civil affairs office yesterday i was overcome with the desire to just grab our bags and head for the airport.  we wouldn't have gotten very far...i realize that.  but i simply cannot wait for our family of 7 to be all on one continent...all under one roof...all in one place.   we were able to skype with the children last night.  as we dialed them and waited for the video connection bella fell asleep in rick's arms.  they met their sister through the computer line...their first glimpse was bella fast asleep.  she'd better rest up...the mcnatt household is not for the weary! 

i know some of you would like me to chronicle step by step what our gotcha day was like yesterday and what our adoption day was like this morning...but i just cannot do it quite yet.  my words seem entirely inadequate.  i will post some pictures and am hoping these tell enough of the story for the time being.  i am sure at some point the words will catch up...just not quite yet. 

going to get bella

"sing to God, sing praise to His name,

extol Him who rides on the clouds --

His name is the Lord --

and rejoice before Him.

a father to the fatherless,

defender of widows,

is God in His holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families,

He leads forth the prisoners

with singing..."  ~ psalm 68:6

we woke this morning to the china sunshine streaming through our windows.  our first waking thought: this is the day.  this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it....this is the day ordained by God long ago.  this is the day bella grace will be set in our family.  this is the day.  we sing, we extol, we rejoice.  and we thank you, our faithful, faithful friends for joining in our complete and incredible  joy. this is, indeed, the day.

*** less than four hours.  we will leave for the meeting place at 2pm our time.