if these walls could talk

while pounding my 189th nail in the wall yesterday, i found myself humming amy grant's, "if these walls could speak."

i suppose when a woman begins to personify the walls of her home, it's officially {high} time to take a break.

but after two solid weeks of figuring out corners and closets and cupboards and paint colors ... let me tell you ... it could be a whole lot worse. 

if these walls could speak ... "if hallowed halls could talk these would have a tale to tell ... "

what these walls would tell you is that this woman is frantically trying to set up her home.

like, FRAN-TIC-LLY, people.

with the oldest girl heading off to college next month and the other four beginning school and sports and crazy schedules in exactly one month from last friday (OH.MY.GOSH) this woman is desperate to make sure we can locate lunch boxes, laundry hampers and every little last thing! 

a rush.

a race against time.

a reality tv show in the making.

confession: i've even found myself pretending (just a little bit, mind you, and at very late hours) that i was a designer in one of those HGTV home shows. 24 hours. 24 dollars. GOOOOOOOOO!

maybe not 100% socially acceptable to pretend like this, but i'm game for anything that helps hold me from the edges of homemaking insanity.

yesterday, as i was putting the finishing touches on emily's room, she said, "mom, you know you really missed your calling." i mean, seriously, how many rooms has my daughter watched me flip ... furnish ...  fuss-over and finish?

oh yes, if these walls could talk ...

but, here's the deal:  they can't. 

i know talking walls is a (kinda) romantic notion ... and i'm a (kinda) romantic woman ... 

but seriously, even beyond the incredibly creepy factor, talking walls would be (kinda) annoying. right?

and IF these walls COULD talk in these past couple of weeks i'm pretty certain i wouldn't want to hear the tale they had to tell.

no, i need no one -- not even talking walls -- to converse with me about our most recent case of crazy.

we bought this house from the nicest people -- empty-nesters who were ready to down-size. they were barely out the door when our super-sized family came rifling right through. a semi-truck followed and the serene, empty nest began to bulge ... the walls began to shake, the floors to quake and the roof, well i'm sure, it just shrugged its shoulders and sighed. 

here. we. go.

empty-nesters out. obscene-nesters in.

and as is the case with any home we have lived in, we cover it well. we fill all the rooms. we invade the corners. we seize the square footage. we occupy the space.
c o m p l e t e l y.

there is no unused air in our home (homes). there is nothing which escapes unruffled by my ruffly, riotous kind of crew.
n o t h i n g.

it's not a relocation, but an invasion.

and even though i'm pretty sure the walls don't talk, i wonder if my new neighbors might. there's a tiny piece of me which wonders what the neighbors are thinking as they peer out from behind their blinds.

in between spackling and sprucing, i'll be honest, i've been feeling sort of compelled to go and apologize to anyone within earshot.

because ... here. we. are.

and because ... we are THAT family. 

we are the cacophonous circus which showed up on this sleepy southern street with one cat, two dog-horses, three teens, four cars, five children, six bikes, seven people and eight thousand pounds of garbage each week.

did i mention my almost 17 year old son now drives a pickup truck. it's red. and  it's big. and it's everything nice, neat neighbor-people shake their heads and sigh over. 

and when he drives that big-red-thing up the driveway, these walls which don't really talk sure do shake. they do. and, i'll be honest, this mother kinda shakes, too. i wasn't all that sure about adding a truck to our automotive arsenal, but rick persuaded me it was a purely practical thing. "honey, think how easy it will be to haul things ... pine straw and mulch and costco stuff. honey, think about the FURNITURE you can fit in it." 

did someone say FURNITURE?

smart man.

man-ip-u-lat-or.

so, i now have a big red truck parked in my driveway. and ... (if you'll allow me to whine for one minute more) the shade of red clashes horrifically with my shutter color. the sacrifices we make as mothers ... 

just sayin ...

anyway, here we are. pounding on walls and doors and floors. arrived and arranging our new life in this new space. feeling a little bit like a tetris junkie as i fit old things into fresh facades. organizing cabinets and orchestrating projects. hanging pictures and clothing and curtains. hanging on to the brink of sanity while trying to set up and fix up and cover up. 

holding on, that is, with paint covered hands. i've been busy not only pounding nails in our walls, but also painting like a mad woman. i'm telling you, it's therapeutic for my kind of madness. we've knocked out the dining room, the laundry room, and emily's bedroom and bath.

"aloof gray" - sherwin williams

"palladian blue" - benjamin moore

also "aloof gray." we started with a color called "pensive sky," but it looked a little too um ... pensive periwinkle ...
and so we grabbed the leftover dining room paint and gave that a try! and it worked!
it looks gray in em's room and more blue in the dining room light. color is so very strange. 

emily tackled this old blue bookshelf her first week in the house.
changing it from her brother's navy blue to gray.

i assure you, the bulletin board won't remain empty for long!

painting and pounding ...
refining, recreating and repurposing ...

speaking of repurposing ... i have to share with you the story of the wine cellar. see, the previous owners did a bang up job creating a lovely wine room in the basement. like, i'm serious, four walls with floor to ceiling wine racks ... teak stained and climate controlled. it's like SO BEAU-TI-FUL. but even though this woman can appreciate a good bottle of wine (especially when she's pretending to star in her own HGTV show), i've got to tell you, i'll never fill an entire cellar with fine bottles. BUT ... i DO happen to have two furry beasts trying to acclimate from cool minnesota to the horrific-heat of georgia AND SO ... it just seemed too obvious a match.
wine bottles out and big dogs in.
cooper and minne now have their own refrigerated room to cool off in.  cheers!

oh, yes, if these walls could talk ...

they'd tell you a bunch of crazy loons have moved in on whitney valley walk (what a name, huh? just like a lot of southern children get multiple names -- so do southern streets). 

they'd tell you this family is loud and that they leave their bikes in the front yard and that a bunch of extra kids come and go. i'm sure the neighbors would like to know if we have five or fifteen kids living in this home.

they'd tell you the dog is often wet from the river and the children sometimes run wild.
they might tell you about how one morning they met the woman of the house when she - clad in strangely mismatching and rather raggedy pajamas - had to retrieve one of her big beastly dogs from their garage.

and if the walls were really being honest, they would tell you that sometimes the pictures hang crooked, the color is wrong, the furniture doesn't quite fit and the people aren't always patient or polite or even very kind.

because ... real life will be lived on whitney valley walk.

they might tell you the front door, even in the hot georgia heat, is often left wide open.
they might tell you there's sometimes some odd hooting and hollering, but hopefully even more laughter.
they might tell you there's plenty to watch and wonder about.
that there's some loose-screws ... some loud-living ...  and some life.

but, what i hope these walls would tell most of all is that in the middle of this lunacy, what there really is ... is some love.

if these walls could talk ... 

"If These Walls Could Speak"

~ amy grant

If these old walls

If these old walls could speak

Of things that they remembered well

Stories and faces dearly held

A couple in love

Livin' week to week

Rooms full of laughter

If these walls could speak

If these old halls

If hallowed halls could talk

These would have a tale to tell

Of sun goin' down and dinner bell

And children playing at hide and seek

From floor to rafter

If these halls could speak

They would tell you that I'm sorry

For bein' cold and blind and weak

They would tell you that it's only

That I have a stubborn streak

If these walls could speak

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes

I guess they would have seen it all

Each little tear and sigh and footfall

And every dream that we came to seek

Or followed after

If these walls could speak

They would tell you that I owe you

More than I could ever pay

Here's someone who really loves you

Don't ever go away

That's what these walls would say

They would tell you that I owe you

More than I could ever pay

Here's someone who really loves you

Don't ever go away

That's what these walls would say

That's what these walls would say

That's what these walls would say

one last thing, i'd like to give a quick shout out to my minnesota flowers for making the trek to georgia and surviving! i won't tell you my family didn't grumble about sharing vehicle space with the foliage ... but, grumbles or not, i am SO GLAD i insisted on fitting them in!

and while we're on the subject of flowers ... here's my deal of the week: i found these urn/planters at goodwill. five dollars, baby! gotta love the goodwill. they were a light shade of gray and looking a little rough around the edges, but spray paint works wonders and now i have two matching planters at my garage. (which also probably clash a little with the big red truck).

to see something grand

"splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty fill His sanctuary." ~ psalm 96:6

when i was 12 my parents decided it was high time for our family to go gaze at the grand canyon.

we lived in cleveland, ohio, and since money wasn’t growing on trees in our yard, the plan was, we would use our christmas break and we would drive --- from cleveland to the grand canyon. 2000 miles across the country. and because it wasn’t exciting enough for six of us to travel all those miles together in one van, my grandparents were invited to join our expedition.

1 van. 8 people. 2000 miles.

now in order for you to get the full picture, it's important to also explain our seating issues. though my dad's van was great for his painting business, it was a little lacking for his passengers. you see, the van only had two seats: driver and front passenger. but dad, being the ever-resourceful guy that he is, figured out a way to attach two aluminum lawn chairs inside the van for grandma and grandpa's seating pleasure. the children?  well, we, in  typical 1970-something fashion, were left to roll around like a quartet of paint cans in the empty shell of the van's back.

and so on a snowy, december day, our gray van holding 8 people, all their luggage, and a whole bunch of high expectations, left ohio and headed for sunny arizona.  and it was good for a little while.  we didn’t have iphones or ipads or itouches or i-anythings, but somehow we survived. somehow in the back of that van, my siblings and i kept ourselves occupied for several days.  i'm not certain what exactly my brother and sisters did,  but i read through every nancy drew mystery i had been able to stuff into my suitcase. in fact, i remember reading the last one slowly, afraid i'd have to make the return trip home without the escape of my reading material.

i'm sure we also did our share of antagonizing my parents with comments like, "i'm hungry" and "she's touching me" and "when are we going to be there?" i don't exactly remember my dad threatening to pull over and spank any of us, but i'm pretty certain that scenario must have occurred. in fact, i'm positive.

one of the most vivid memories from that journey is my grandmother. you see, every time we’d go around a little bend or curve in the road, grandma and grandpa, in their aluminum chairs, would sway slightly left or slightly right. for grandma this was on par with riding a roller coaster and she reacted in like fashion giving a big "whoo-hoo!" though grandma might have enjoyed her theme park experience in  the back of our van, i'm sure she and grandpa were doubting their decision to tag along by the time we crossed into kentucky.

add to grandmother's whoo-hoos, my own mother's, "would you look at THAT, kids!" and the memory is pretty much complete. though i get it now, i didn't understand her enthusiasm back then. every 10 minutes or so, my excited mom would yell out, “look kids, look. would you just look at THAT!” and we’d all clamor out from the depths of the van only to just miss that amazing wildflower display roadside or a piece of texas tumbleweed rolling down the highway.

and this went on hour after hour, day after day, and somewhere around oklahoma, i remember saying to my almost-teenage self .... "how in the world did i get here?”

........

that was 33 years ago.

this past week, my husband and i took our own kids to go gaze at the grand canyon. we too, thought it "high time" for this adventure.

assuredly, our travel looked a little different. we all had, not only seats on our 747, but also a variety of apple products in hand to occupy us for our 2 and 1/2 hour flight. gone were the aluminum lawn chairs, gone were the nancy drew mysteries, gone were the long hours of a long road trip.

and though travel and time and even i have changed, i found myself asking that same question: "how in the world did i get here?"

except this time it wasn't about the circumstances of my travel, but it was me watching my kids gaze into the canyon with mouths open and eyes wide in disbelief. this time it wasn't me escaping into my mystery book, but me enjoying my kids take in the mystery and grandeur and wonder of this great canyon.

for as i thrilled as i was to see the grand canyon again, i was even more thrilled as a mother to witness my kids seeing it for their first time.

and though i am happy our travel didn't require lawn chairs or long hours, i am thankful, even now, for that experience my parents gave us 30 some years ago.

regardless of how we travel, regardless of the time, regardless of the trip, it is always a gift to go see something grand and to experience some adventure.

can't pass up an opportunity to have a little extra fun ...

we used sedona as our home base. loved sedona and the red rock!

emily, getting her sedona on.

we celebrated sarah's 14th birthday with a surprise helicopter ride! wow. just wow.

my trio of photographers! we've all got the photography bug.

3 sisters

the adventurers! what a tribe.

ATV-ing in the desert

climbing camelback mountain -- to the tip top!

mountain climber connor

back to phoenix for a little RandR after all that adventure.

lazy river. lazy mama!

made a shutterfly book on the way home ... they sent the link to my blog.  slightly obsessed over here with shutterfly books!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create your own custom photo books at Shutterfly.com.

what is knitting your family together this christmas?

i was fumbling with the coffee maker when i noticed it sitting there on the counter: two needles plunged securely into a round ball of gray yarn. things sometimes aren't what they seem in the murky hour of 6am. and my son's knitting might have been one of those things.

attached to the needles and ball was about 18 inches of knitting. 18 inches of neatly ordered rows. the work of my boy's hands.

you heard me right, my 16 year old son is knitting -- a scarf, to be exact.

early morning or not, coffee coursing through my body or not -- it's true.

this boy who can throw it down on the soccer field or kick it up on a dirt bike; this boy who can gut a fish or track a deer or handle a jump on his snowboard; this boy, this same boy, my boy, is knitting.

your eyebrows raise a bit. i know ... mine, too.

while waiting for the keuring to spew out my first morning cup, i picked up his project, studying his handiwork. "not bad for a first time knitter," i thought to myself.

who am i kidding? not.bad.for.a.16.year.old.boy.period!

grabbing that warm mug, now ready, i smiled. how did this happen?

i'm not exactly sure, but it was a thursday night last week. a school night and both boys -- connor (10) and tyler (16) wandered into the office where i was up to my eyeballs in christmas cards. they came in to chat, but after staring at my basket of yarn for a minute, they announced they'd like to learn how to knit. "mom, will you show us?" just like that. it was late and i was skeptical. surely they weren't serious. but, rick was traveling and i was tired of sticking address labels on envelopes ... and so, i said, "sure, we can knit."

--- after all, it's not every thursday night when a woman's two sons approach her with a request to knit.

and as a mother, i know, when your boys want to knit. you knit. it really is that simple

i mean i was pretty sure they were just trying to stall and push back on bedtime. obviously that thought crossed my mind. except they were extremely focused on what i was teaching them. they were serious. intent. even kind of boyishly-determined. they really did seem to want to learn.

hmm ... i thought. strange.

i posted this unlikely event on facebook and got a lot of "likes" and some funny comments. i was sure it was no more than an evening distraction ... a phase ... a passing fancy ... an odd alignment of the handiwork stars. except they are still both knitting. and, except that a few nights later, the girls and a couple of friends joined them, too! one night last week i had 6 kids knitting in my family room by the fire. no television. no netflix. no phones. no you tube or snap chat or instagram or twitter. only the clicking of bamboo needles and some fun conversation. let's just go ahead now and file this into that you-can't-make-this-stuff-up AND i-can't-believe-my-eyes folder!

and what's more, tonight, and i kid you not, tyler went to the gym to work out and on his way home he STOPPED AT THE KNITTING STORE. he not only stopped at the knitting store, but HE BROUGHT ALONG THE BUDDY WHO WAS WORKING OUT WITH HIM.

again, all together now: YOU-CAN'T-MAKE-THIS-STUFF-UP!

the truth is though, you know i love it. i love the unexpected twist. i love the unsuspecting turn. and i really love that for several nights now, the kids and i have been sitting around knitting our scarves in this month of december. i love that in these new and strange stitches our family is being kind of knit together in a new way.

it's the things we can't plan, isn't it? it's those things which often work to make connections with our kids in our homes. i could have spent a month talking up the great knitting project of christmas 2013 and i'm telling you, it would never have left the starting block. but my boys wander into my office on a thursday night and ask me to teach them to knit and voila! we have knitters.

we even had talk with some good family friends about a "knitting tournament!" best knitting project by the end of christmas wins ... or something like that. (between you and me, our family will turn anything -- even knitting -- into a competition).

i love how unpredictable life can be. especially with kids. especially with teens. you just never know what's coming down the pike ... and, though that can be scary, it can also be delightful. and this knitting thing, well, that's on the side of delightful. delightful because we're all together. we're doing something. we're connecting. we're knitting ourselves as a family when we sit fireside for a few minutes.

people have remarked before, "you're such a close knit family." and we are. but i have to wonder what will keep us that way? as the kids begin journeying off in different directions -- emily will begin college in just a matter of months (gasp)! -- what will keep our crazy family of seven knit tightly together?

what is knitting your family together this christmas?
maybe the better question is, WHO is knitting your family together this christmas?

i had lunch with a couple of girlfriends on monday and we were talking about this very thing. we were talking about how easy (and even common) it is for families to become fragmented and fall apart as kids grow up and leave home. all three of us have witnessed that: brothers and sisters no longer speaking to one another. grandparents who don't know their grandchildren. sons estranged from fathers. daughters from mothers. how does this happen? why does this happen?

how do these children who ran through sprinklers together and chased down the ice cream truck on summer evenings, stop talking in their adult lives?

how do brothers who shared dreams while shooting basketballs and sisters who put on plays for their parents grow to be men and women who don't know much about each other's lives any longer.

i'll be honest, as a mama of five, this worries me.

as my girlfriends and i pounded out these questions over our lunch, we all landed on the same thought: it has to be Jesus who keeps us together. only Jesus can truly and securely knit together families. because when beliefs change and ideas change and people change it feels like family can easily unravel. and without Jesus, the simple truth is, it can, and often, it will. all of those years raised in a home can simply unwind with a few rough conversations or some unpleasant words. sometimes it happens abruptly, sometimes it happens slowly. but without the strong thread of Jesus knitting us together, it happens.

and, if you've experienced this, you know, it's heartbreaking.

psalm 139:13-14 says, "for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. i praise you, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made. wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." 

did you read that? God knitted me together! funny to think that God is also a knitter. (i'll have to remember to tell my son that). God's design was to knit us together in the wombs of our mothers and to knit us together in the fabric of a family. it's His design. it's His perfect design. we're the ones who mess it up ... tangle the threads ... cut the yarn. we're the one's who go off course, add extra rows, drop a stitch or forget about the project altogether, abandoning it to a basket somewhere out of sight.

i suppose that's why, especially, at this time of year, we mothers work extra hard to create memories, stir up magic and continue traditions. we want our kids to have something they are woven into when the time comes for them to leave.

we want our family stitches to be as secure as possible.

it's almost a desperate kind of feeling sometimes, isn't it?

but it occurred to me today, that just like my son's knitting, it isn't really about me coming up with the great project or the next memorable thing. it's not really even about me stitching my kids securely together. yes, we should work hard to create "home" for our families, but we also have to remember the only real thing which holds is the thread of Jesus woven through the hallways and hearts of this house. we can add all the trappings and trimmings and tremendously awesome stuff, but only the thread of Jesus truly holds tight.

there aren't any guarantees. i know that. i have five children, and not for one minute do i feel assured that all five will stay knitted together. that is my desire. that is my hope. that is my prayer. but it is not my absolute confidence, because i know the world we live in and i know the sinful people we are and i know the things which snag and snare and even sever family threads.

i'll keep coming up with crazy christmas ideas and family fun projects, but let me not forget that what i really need to be worried about weaving into my family is Jesus. only when we include Him in the knitting process do we have something in our hands to hold onto.

a few days ago a friend sent me this link to storyteller, stuart mclean. she thought, with all the knitting going on over here, i might enjoy it. so, in my crazy-chrsitmas-mother-fashion, i made everyone stay home one night this week and gather in the family room for 20 minutes (harder than you think). we turned on the fireplace and turned off the television. we played it over the computer and we listened. yes, just listened. there was nothing to watch, no video, no screen, no 1000 inch high definition anything. we just sat and listened (and knit). it's a sweet story and it was a sweet time for my family.

i looked at us all sitting around with smiles on our faces, laughing, enjoying mclean's story, and i, as usual, wanted to push the pause button.

Lord, let us stay in this place for a little bit longer: children sprawled across the floor, the dog's head on my lap, christmas lights flickering, sock feet touching and needles clicking. Lord, there aren't any guarantees, but this, right now, this is a gift. let us see the good that what we have and hold it as grace. remind me, the mother, that i cannot plan out the neat rows of our life, but i can surrender the project to you ... God, you are the one who knit these children inside me, would you continue to knit us together in this world of unfinished and unfulfilled days. knit us to you ... knit us in the knowledge of you, Lord Jesus.

so:  if you can find a few minutes, whether you knit or not, i'd recommend you listen to this 20 minute audio. it's a great little christmas piece ... really funny, sweet, and easy to follow. even my family agrees! 
for the link click on stuart mclean's  CHRISTMAS PRESENT

i do

one phrase. two words. three letters. it doesn't get any simpler than that, does it?

i do.

23 years ago, rick and i, on a hot august evening, said that simple phrase to each other in front of our families and our friends and our future.

i do.

so short. so sweet. so simple.

except that sometimes it isn't.

sometimes in marriage it feels long and unpleasant and a little bit complicated.
sometimes we even feel more like, i don't. 

i don't want to put your needs first.
i don't want to have that discussion (again).
i don't want to forgive and forget this thing.
i don't want to argue over money or the children or the dog.
i don't want to see your toothpaste blobs in the sink.

i mean maybe y'all have perfect marriages. and maybe i'm going way out on a lonely limb here. maybe, right now, you're reading this and shaking your head and thinking "oh my, poor, poor girl ..."

maybe.

or maybe, you're just like me, you love your spouse dearly and are completely committed to 'till death do us part.' but you still sometimes have those "i don't" kind of days.

while i'm out on my limb, i'm just going to go ahead and say, i think most people in most marriages do have moments when they aren't feeling terrifically excited about the great "i do." 

because, guess what? --- marriage is hard. it takes work. even if we find our perfect soul mate and the person who "completes me..." marriage is a whole lot more than two tiny words uttered at the front of a pretty church or chapel.

even if we are over-the-moon-in-love with our honey-pie-sweet-thing, we wake up some days with challenges and disagreements and different ideas.

because there is no perfect marriage.

because there is no perfect person.

and mostly, because the only person who can ever "complete me" is Christ. if we're looking to our husbands or our wives to round us out and fill us up, we are going to be disappointed. it just doesn't work that way. i mean, sure it might work sometimes. because sometimes we can have those glorious moments of isn't life grand and aren't you the best thing since sliced bread!

but only Christ is always, continually, faithfully, perfectly, unerringly, unfathomably,
                                                                     ... beautifully enough!

only life in Christ can complete us.

only life in Christ is complete.

"so you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. ~ colossians 2:10

maybe it has something to do with 23 years of marriage and being in the middle of my 40s, but i have never before been so surrounded by such a great number of crumbling marriages. i cannot tell you in the last couple of years the amount of couples who once walked happily down the aisle, but are now walking miserably away from each other after 3 years, 11 years, 19 years, 26 years of marriage ...

why?

why are we at such a crisis level in our marriages today? why are those in the church almost as likely to divorce as those out of the church? what is going on here?

i am not at all an expert or professional on this matter. i don't, for one minute, pretend to be qualified to address such a serious and heartbreaking issue. but i do have some experience and a few thoughts:

1.  we live in a culture which doesn't value vows or hold us accountable to anything any longer.

pledges and promises, these days, are only important if we deem them important. that's the way the world works today. vows have taken on an emotional make up and therefore, have become entirely emotional agreements, based on feelings and circumstances -- which, of course, can (and will) change.

Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to be my lawful wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

that's some rather holy stuff right there, my friends. and it's also pretty darn clear. "till death do us part," doesn't give much wiggle room or leave much open for interpretation.

when the money is short
when the days are long
when the waist line is thick
when the hair is thin
when the problems come up
when the disappointments slam down
when the face is wrinkled
when the future is blurry ...

                                              that's when that little vow, "i do," kicks in.

if marriage was always full of roses and sunshine, we wouldn't need vows. i mean, no one needs a vow to finish their ice cream or to enjoy a sunny afternoon or to cuddle up with a cute puppy. right?

2.  we enter into marriage with expectations which are way out of wack.

i love books and movies. i adore a really good story. and i'll be honest, i love, love, love a good love story. (go ahead and roll your eyes). but, i have been convicted over the years in what i allow myself to read or watch. our world is so full of idealistic and unrealistic messages about love, marriage and romance. i believe it is one of satan's greatest tools today. we watch beautiful bachelorettes making-out with 12 different hunky guys and playing eneey-meeny-miney-mo and we call it family entertainment. we see perfect people, living lovely lives, with magazine layout homes, darling children, and passionate love and we wonder what's wrong with us. why isn't it quite so perfect in our own homes? why are we busy cleaning throw up off the couch or scraping burnt eggs from the pan? why did our husband leave his dirty socks on our pillow this morning? why is the man of our dreams teaching the boys (alright, and the girls) how to burp at the dinner table? why do our children bicker and whine and bring home bad grades? why is there more dog hair on the floor than on the dog?

i think this point really resonates with me because having slightly romantic notions and being a tad idealistic, i grew up just knowing it would all someday be perfect. when i was a teen girl i didn't plaster my locker or bedroom walls with pictures of teen heart throbs, instead i cut out pictures of pretty gardens and well-decorated homes. i kept them all in a box under my bed. i couldn't wait for perfect living to begin. i couldn't wait for the fairytale to begin.

twenty-three years and five children later, we certainly have some tales to tell, but i'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't exactly fall under the fairytale category.

3. we don't take seriously enough the devil's determination.

the evil one loves to mess with marriage. in fact, it is one of his favorite places to plan an attack.

i love what john macarthur says, "You don't even get out of Genesis before the enemy starts to tear at the fabric of society – marriage." the very first sin in the bible deals with a break down of communication between a couple. and adam and eve aren't the only ones struggling ... the bible is filled with examples of husbands and wives who face problems.

think about it: it makes perfect sense that the devil would mess mightily in this area. he gets a lot of bang for his buck. when he deals with marriages he doesn't just wreck the lives of two people, but through divorce, he often gets to devastate many lives all at once. and, what's more, he gets to pass on to future generations a struggle with this sin. you don't have to be half as cunning as the slippery serpent to realize why it is a good investment on his part to fiddle around with this holy union.

oh friend, please know, i have no desire to offend. that's never the goal of this blog. i am not writing today in a spirit of judgment. i have dear, dear friends and family members who are going through or have gone through divorce. some of my best friends are linked closely to this word. many of them didn't or aren't flippantly throwing away marriages because they are bored or looking for something better. many of them are limping away injured and wishing wildly that this wasn't their path. for many of them, divorce wasn't even their choice.

i would just encourage you to be careful. divorce isn't a time to stop loving people or to start casting grave judgment. often it is a time when people need most to be ministered to. yes, in malachi 2:16 God says, "I hate divorce ... so take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” God is clear: He hates divorce and we should "take heed." it's not that there is never a reason to divorce, but regardless, God hates what it does to His children. He hates the pain it causes. He hates the foothold it gives the devil. but it would be wise to remember, Jesus doesn't hate the person who divorces, He loves them as much as He loves the person with the perfect (looking) marriage.

Jesus, always had a heart for the hurting and the humbled. divorce often brings an (un)healthy serving of both.

i have never known an individual who has walked away from this kind of break up without some substantial wounds. can those wounds be healed? yes. can their life be resurrected? yes. does God hate divorce? yes. but, are we to sit in judgment? no.

when i was young, i used to find it odd that God used marriage terminology to describe His love and union with the church. but now, after two decades as a wife, i get it.  

a good marriage is a lot like the gospel message.

it's about surrendering completely. it's about dying to yourself. it's about making a decision - daily.  it's about putting another person ahead of yourself. it's about believing desperately in the "i do."

"husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." ~ ephesians 5:25

"for your Maker is your husband,  the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,  the God of the whole earth he is called." ~ isaiah 54:5

23 years ago, as a girl who hadn't even had her 21st birthday, i  stood at the front of my college chapel and said "i do." did this girl with the puffy bangs (and the even puffier sleeves) know exactly what she was doing? probably not.

did i know all that the future would hold? no.
did i doubt that my life would be just like those magazine pictures in the box under my bed? no.
did i ever guess at some of our struggles and issues and challenges? no.
did i know that when two became one, problems wouldn't divide, but might even, on occasion, multiply? no.
did i know that the beautiful love i had for my young husband would sometimes look a little bit ugly? no.
did i ever believe that i would at times, myself, be unlovable? no.
did i ever realize the sacrifice it takes each day to die to my own desires? no.

but, can i see how much more rick and i love each other today because of the hard stuff? YES!

a good marriage is one of God's greatest earthly gifts. with 23 years under our belt, you can be sure, we have had our share of challenges. but God has been unbelievably good in protecting our marriage and filling it, even in those hard times, with great blessing and beauty.

and today we celebrate!

we celebrate not only our "i do" ... but we celebrate what God has done. what God continues to do!

"though one may be overpowered, and two can defend themselves.

a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  ~ ecclesiastes 4:12

on a lighter note ... 

i found this poll online, thought you'd enjoy these thoughts on marriage:

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
 1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.   -  Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD
HAVE IN COMMON?
1. Both don't want any more kids.  - Lori, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing; I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.  - Theodore, age 8
2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.  -  Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT
IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there.  -  Kelvin, age 8

and my personal favorite:
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.  - Ricky, age 10