underwear and other issues

like it or not, somedays just start with your panties falling down.

we were walking in the doors of the school (only the tiniest bit late) when she grabbed my arm and said, "uh-oh, mama, my undies are falling down."

my little girl in her little dress.
knee socks high and knickers creeping low.

my first grader continued on, "um, mom ... i think i'm going to need some help here."

"some help here" required me (after a quick upward tug of her undies) jumping back in the car. heading home. retrieving a "new pair." texting her teacher about the issue (while fully and safely stopped at a stop light) and racing back to school for the great switch-a-roo.

i know ... you are still stuck on the "panties falling down" thing.
me too.
i mean, like who has this problem? i had a pair of jeans be too loose -- once. when i was 7 -- but i'm pretty sure i've never had a problem with baggy undergarments.

perhaps i'm being too personal.

i apologize.

but it kinda made me stop and think.

it made me think about the blessing it is to have someone in whom to confide; 
to have someone to share with the really personal stuff.

i mean, you can't just tell any old person about your underwear issues, right?
there's some protocol required.
some need for discernment.
some awareness of what's appropriate.

let's face it, boundaries are kind of important when it comes to sharing certain things.

but if that was me (and be assured, it won't EVER be me) who would i tell?

there is something to be said for having someone to talk to ... about any thing. about every thing. even the most personal. the most embarrassing. the most awful.
even the stuff way more awkward than our underwear.

but that's exactly who Jesus wants to be --- that someone.

that someone who can hear and handle absolutely everything. anything. all things. yes, even our underwear issues.

what would i do if i didn't have Jesus to talk to? 
to vent to?
to cry to?
to cling to?

seriously, what would life look like?
i can't imagine.

psalm 62 tells us to, "pour out our hearts to God ..."  i think that means to let loose; to hold back nothing. to share the whole kit and caboodle. i suppose we can't (and really shouldn't) have that same freedom with the people shopping for shoes at target (that happened to me once -- while picking out sandals for bella, a stranger began to pour out her life's story to me -- my kids say i invite this kind of over-communication with strangers. that's another blog post).
no, we can't pour out everything like that with everyone, but we can pour out like that with God.

because as bella said, "um ... i'm going to need a little help here."

and she's right.

we all have our awkward issues.
loose undies or loose screws or what-not, we've all got our stuff. and sometimes we just need someone to tell.

it's not just a kid thing, it's a parent thing ... a people thing.

God created us and cares.
God redeemed us and rescues.
God sent His son and saves.

it's what He does, what He's doing, and what He has already done.

this was excitement over the first day of school a few weeks ago ... not an underwear issue!

the snowy tea party... and then some

subtitled: the driveway, the dog and the deck. 
{a three part story -- because life is what happens outside the picture frame}.

it was the perfect day ---
no school.
new snow.
and warmer temps!

we had been waiting for EXACTLY THIS. and monday, it arrived.

diana and i, mama-partners in photography crime, made our plan.

today was the day.

we would re-create the vision diana had shared with me a month or so ago. we would set up and shoot a "snowy tea party" scene with our youngest girls, bella and emme.  yes, yes we would!

over the weekend i had painted the table and chairs ... taking them from plain, old oak to something a little shabbier and chicer ... we had assembled the outfits and "props" and by late monday morning ... we were ready.

game on!

the girls were giddy (though not as giddy as their mamas) because what 5 or 6 year old doesn't want a tea party in the snow?

our picture-plan was perfectly on course -- or so it seemed.

after "checking lighting" (high-tech photographer's term) all over the yard, diana finally settled on the low part of our driveway -- the part we "share" with our neighbors. and that's where the fun began.

scene #1 -- the driveway.

we had no sooner set up this magical scene (smack dab in the middle of the "shared" space) when my neighbor came up the long drive in his snowblowing tractor. (darn! wish we had thought to photograph him). he had plans to continue on toward his house ... except for the roadblock of two chinese girls wearing flowers in their hair and fur wraps, holding tea cups ...

the tractor came to a halt.

i began to think about what i could say ...

offer him a cup of "snow" tea?

a chance to pose in the picture?

a glossy 8 x 10?

it's not every day a man just trying to clear snow from his driveway stumbles upon a scene such as this.

i've had an inkling our sweet next door neighbors think us a bit "out there" ... and i was pretty sure this wasn't going to help convince him otherwise.

leaving the tea party scene, i approached him and his tractor and did my best to explain our "vision." i'm not 100% he was following, but he kind of nodded slowly trying to take in my words. regardless of what he thought, we struck a deal. he kindly agreed to wait a few extra minutes before continuing up the drive.

we hurried. diana snapped as many pictures as she could ... the girls giggled and pretended and played along. they filled their cups with snow and rolled their eyes at their mothers. it was all so delightful for them ... for us... (not so sure about the neighbor).

finally, diana declared she had taken enough.

and scene one came to a close.

we packed up our belongings and trudged back toward the house. with tea cups and table and two little girls out of the way, my neighbor started his tractor and happily continued to plow waving and smiling at us as he passed.

scene #2 -- the dog.

we knew this was going to take a little more work.
and, i assure you, it did.

a pocket full of dog treats, a slice of turkey and a whole lot of: "sit minne, stay minne, no minne, yes minne, come minne!"

what this picture doesn't show is the crazy woman (me) off to the side hopping up and down and yelling wild encouragement at my big beast and tiny daughter.

diana, the ultimate professional, just kept snapping picture after picture after picture.

we were both determined.

{i could only hope the neighbor was too busy plowing to pay us much attention}.

finally diana stood up and declared she was sure she had "something."

it only took 17 dog treats, a broken tea cup, one bruised knee and a gazillion clicks of the camera --- but it was worth it!

as funny as all that was -- or at least as funny as it was to us (i suppose it was one of those classic "you-had-to-be-there" kind of moments) -- the best part was what my other older kids (the ones NOT in the tea party photo shoot) showed me later in the day.

scene #3 -- the deck

while we were out in the front yard recreating a piece of narnia ... my other kids and alex (emily's boyfriend and tyler's friend) were doing snow stunts off the deck ... and, of course, filming themselves.

(click below)
kids' youtube video "jump!"

immediately i knew i'd have to share this. i couldn't very well post all those darling pictures of the surreal "snowy tea party" and not show you the "other part" of the life we lead. i'd hate to mislead you in thinking our life is only about dreamy pink flowers, tea cups and magical photos. oh, people, no, no, no. not the case at all!

remember, there's always more to the story than the pretty picture.

just like in life, there's usually a story of something a little more gritty or raw or real (or COMPLETELY DANGEROUS) taking place in what isn't captured. we might catch a pristine moment in perfect snow and perfect light ... but chances are we also have a kid or two diving off the deck and filming snow stunts.

let the pretty pictures inspire or encourage or bless you ... but don't let them mislead you. we all know, real life is lived way beyond the lens ... and it typically doesn't include pink flowers and china tea cups.

but, by all means, keep taking lots of pictures! you'll never, ever regret it.  xoxo

love my minne!

photo credits: diana rouse
video credit: alex reimer

out of the corner

"religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." james 1:27

why does this picture immediately warm our hearts?

what is it, exactly, that catches our eye or captures our emotion?

is it the gold setting of beautiful fall?

is it the arms of a child around her daddy's neck?

the cute backside of my husband? (okay, just had to throw that one in for some fun).

is it her eyes?

or maybe the smile on her face?

what is it?

i think, for me, it's all of that. and more. it's knowing how corrupt and ugly our world is and how sweet and safe this picture is -- how serene. we don't typically live in gold-leafed kinds of places. sometimes we struggle to feel the warmth of our Father's arms or the safety of His embrace. we all know what the longing feels like to be held close ... comforted ... picked up.

but we live in a world, as james said, "polluted." polluted with every kind of evil and abuse which man in his sinful state can think up or imagine. there's no limit to the darkness which pervades our culture. no end to the twisting of God's truth or the corruption of people. and we don't have to look far to find it.

and maybe that's why this picture mostly gets me.

i mean, sure it's my husband holding our daughter. that probably has something to do with it. but, truly, it's more than that.

it's everything which is opposite. it's all things antithetical to this photo.

i look at this and i don't see what we did for bella in adopting her, i see what God's done for us in our adoption.

"to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. and because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” so you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. ~ galatians 4:5-7 

compare that picture above with this one. this is the corner in which bella was found at five months of age.

quite a contrast, right?

there's nothing golden about it.

do you see the filth, the dirt, the cigarette butt? do you see the loneliness? the hopelessness? the desperation?

that's where we come from, friends. that corner, right there, well, that's pretty much life without Jesus. we can dress it up and make it look nicer. we can paint it pretty and make it a little more lovely. we can tidy it up in the spirit of human goodness or man's acts of kindness. but behind it all ... is still ... a dirty corner and a desperate life.

only when Jesus comes in and removes us from this place, this pit, are we able to shed the filth. it will cling to us until the day we find Him and His saving embrace. it will cling to us when we don't even realize it's clinging. and maybe that's the most desperate place of all -- the corner which has been covered up enough to think it's okay. to think it's clean enough ... to think it's kind enough ... to even think it's happy enough. but really, underneath all the distraction and decoration is still ... that desperate, dirty corner.

bella was a helpless baby left in that corner. she was sick. she was alone and she had nothing to offer, nothing to give. as her mother, i can barely type out those words. but as hard as that is to think about, it's the truth i know. it's the truth her life has shown us ... not just about her, but about all of us.

      “whoever receives one such child in my name receives me..." ~  matthew 18:5

every one of us is alone in a filthy corner until Jesus comes.

i can think of no other word picture so powerful.

our adoption of bella doesn't put us on a higher plane or any kind of super spiritual power trip. not at all. in fact, if anything, it reminds us of how alone and orphaned we all are without Jesus. adopting bella has been the most humbling thing we've ever done as a family, because it so clearly wasn't about us. only through our own desperate adoptions were we able to fully rely on Him for the strength to go get bella. bella is in our arms today, because of Christ's arms around us. her adoption was never about our ability or our good works or even about our loving kindness. it was and is, only about what He can do through us when we stay close to Him.

do you know the love of your Father's arms today? or are you still trying to clean up your own little corner?

today, all across this country, we celebrated orphan sunday. i love this day. but, this is not a day only for families who have adopted or will adopt, this is for all of us who have been adopted into the family of God.

dear one, do you feel alone? abandoned? rejected? afraid?

do not give up hope -- Jesus is near.

Jesus, the one, who wants to meet you in your corner.

Jesus, the only one, who can rescue, redeem and remove.

"but to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, 

He gave the right to become children of God." ~ john 1:12 

"I waited patiently for the Lord;

    he turned to me and heard my cry.

 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

    out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

    and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

    a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

    and put their trust in him.

 Blessed is the one

    who trusts in the Lord,

who does not look to the proud,

    to those who turn aside to false gods.

 Many, Lord my God,

    are the wonders you have done,

    the things you planned for us.

None can compare with you;

    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,

    they would be too many to declare."

~ psalm 40:1-5

our new friend, phyllis

her name tag said phyllis.

but i didn't notice that at first. when you're at the supermarket and a woman steps from behind the deli counter and approaches you ... her name tag isn't the first thing you notice.

but phyllis was headed directly for me.

let me back up a minute. just prior to the advance of this deli counter-woman named phyllis, bella was running out ahead of my cart. i hadn't quite cleared the produce aisle and little miss had already turned the corner, camping out in front of a beanie babies display. a display which just happened to be across from the deli counter.

think grocery store layout ... you get it.

anyway, bella was rummaging through the beanie babies at the speed of an obsessed five year old. she was picking out one after another and clutching them closely to her chest.  and before i even reached her she was already begging.

"puuullleeeasseee mama... puuullleeeasssee, mom, can i get one. puuullleeeasssee!"

begging doesn't even begin to explain the full court press my kindergartner was laying on me.

beginning my hunt in the cheese section for the right sized wheel of brie, i barely glanced up, "no bella. no stuffed animals today."

"puuullleeeeaaase mama!"

"i said no bella. we have too many stuffed animals at our house as it is.  you don't need another one honey. now please go put it back."

"but mama ..."

"---no, bella. that's final." 

you know the scene. you've probably witnessed it a a couple hundred times yourself. it happens every day in grocery stores all across america, right? kids whining for candy bars and packs of gum and beanie babies. beanie babies??? what are beanie babies doing in the grocery store anyway???

she stomped back toward the beanie baby display with her stuffed ladybug swinging at her side. her chin at her chest, her arms crossed in dismay, and her shoulders slumped in complete disappointment -- her mama had said no.

that was when i saw phyllis heading my way.

"excuse me," she said approaching, "but would you let me buy her the stuffed animal?"

honestly, i just stared at her. it took a good minute or so to comprehend what she was asking.

was the lunchmeat lady from behind the counter really asking me if she could purchase a stuffed ladybug for my daughter? i felt confused. muddled. unsure.

why was she offering?

"you see," she went on to say, "i have $5 in my pocket and i would really like to buy that  for her. it would bring me joy to get that stuffed animal for your little girl. i like to do this from time to time..." she faltered for a second, "it ... it... blesses me."

i was speechless.

i kind of wanted to say no -- just for the fact that  bella was doing her very best to continue her almighty pout and protest over at that rack of stuffed critters. i shouldn't give in. she didn't deserve this nice lady's offer.

not to mention this sweet woman who worked at the deli didn't need to be spending that $5 in her pocket. i wanted to encourage her to save it for her break. buy herself a coffee or a soda or an ice cream. she didn't need to do this for my little girl with a bedroom full of beanie babies ... my little girl who from the level of her pout clearly hadn't been told "no" enough.

but phyllis looked me right in the eyes and said, "please. would you please allow me? it would bring me joy."

and looking into the eyes of this woman, there was nothing i could say except --- "yes."

" yes, that is very kind of you. yes, you don't have to do this for her, but yes, we accept your gift. it is very sweet. very generous."

i stumbled over my words.

i was overwhelmed with her kindness.

i was awkward in my gratitude.

i did my best to make sure bella knew that this lady that we didn't even really know was doing something exceptionally nice for her. and we hadn't even ordered one slice of lunchmeat!

i'm sure i asked bella to say thank you to miss phyllis no less than 15 times.

i just didn't know how to graciously accept this unexpected, undeserved, unmerited gift.

because sometimes we don't.

we just don't know how to accept something which is freely given.

kind of like with Christ.

He has this amazing gift of grace for us ... eternal life, in fact ...and we dance around awkwardly thinking, "i don't need it ... everything's pretty okay here ... i can purchase it myself ... i don't need any help ... i don't deserve it ... why me? ... nothing is for free ... what's the catch?"

that's kind of how we feel about God's gifts sometimes, isn't it? because grace is exactly that -- unexpected. undeserved and absolutely 100% unmerited.

that's what makes it grace! beautiful catch-me-off-guard-at-the-deli-counter-grace!

"for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  ~ romans 6:23

"for by grace you have been saved through faith. and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."  ~ ephesians 2:8

pretty amazing, huh?

so, i just had to share this story tonight.

nothing better than meeting a new friend at the meat counter ...

nothing better than being reminded of beanie babies ... free gifts ... and grace.

july 16th: coincidence or Christ?

i was going to let the day pass without pointing out that it's special.

but that's hard.

(okay, it's hard for me).

because special days are special days. and i can't help but think, they are worth mentioning. at least a little. at least to someone.

it's july 16th...

and our bella woke this morning in silky blue pjs with bright pink flowers. barely awake, she curled up in my lap and smelled like sunshine from last night's bath. 

she ate raisin bran and apple slices for breakfast.

she watched cartoons.

she played with her dolls.

i painted her toenails pink.

she had swim lessons with her pal, emme.

she picked strawberries from "her bush."

normal things. all of it good and beautiful, but nothing special about this day so far.

looking at today it's not a day that looks too differently than any other summer day. but it is. 

it's one of the days that we celebrate. even kind of quietly.

i whole-heartedly believe God is at work every day. He doesn't take a break on mondays or fridays or holidays. He's always behind the scene orchestrating and ordaining our lives. each and every day.

but on july 16th i have to think God was especially inspired.

it was on july 16th, 5 years ago, bella was found in a stairwell. it was her finding day. attached to bella was a letter from her biological parents who clearly said they loved her, but couldn't care for her medical needs and were leaving her in the hope that someone "with loving arms" would help her. can you imagine this day for those dear ones? even now ... all these years later, i can't help but stop and think about them. think about the sacrifice they made for their daughter. they left her so someone could find her. not because they wanted to, but because they needed to do. 

it was on july 16th, 4 years ago, our family had made the final decision and written a letter to friends asking them to pray for a little girl in china whom we had fallen in love with and had plans to pursue. we, like her biological parents, also humbly asked for help knowing we couldn't do this on our own either. we felt overwhelmed, unsure, ill-equipped. we knew we needed our community to come alongside us and walk with us. 

and...

it was on july 16th--3 years ago--rick and i boarded a plane in atlanta and headed for china to meet our new daughter. we didn't orchestrate that travel date.  not even the plane ticket -- that was set by china approving us for adoption and the adoption agency determining our flight time and day.  i'll never forget the feeling when i connected all those dots a couple of years ago.  i wrote about it then, but felt today, like i just had to tell y'all again.

because it doesn't just speak to the awesomeness of bella's adoption.  it speaks to the awesomeness of our God. it speaks to His incredibly perfect plan.

why is it sometimes easier to believe in coincidences than it is to believe in Christ?

maybe that's why i'm writing today. you guys know bella's story.  y'all think it's pretty cool. i don't have to convince you of that. but maybe today, you need a reminder of how good God is and how grand are his plans. even when we can't see just how He's working.  He is. oh, He is.  and friend, if you're ever tempted to doubt your Creator's concern for the details of your life...

think about bella and think about july 16th.

it wasn't a coincidence.

it wasn't a cool occurrence.

it was Christ.

"and we know that in all things God works for the 
good of those who love him,
 who have been called according to his purpose." 
 ~ romans 8:28

waiting to dance

i think it's when she dances that i notice it most. whether's she up on a big, serious stage, like she was this weekend or dancing between the refrigerator and stove in my kitchen.

there's this little extra pinch of transformation which takes place.

like a butterfly with new wings.

there's something in her eyes.  something about her face.  something in how she holds her delicate hands and moves her slim shoulders.

there's something in the twirl and leap and spin which grabs hold of my heart when i watch her.  she is so natural. and i wonder, if still in china, would she be dancing? do children in orphanages of 3000 even dance?

i don't mean do they wear sparkly costumes and have perfect ballet buns or glossy curls -- that's ridiculous to think.  but do they have anything in them which wants to twirl and dip?  it's big fun to slip bell into her dance dresses, curl her hair and giggle as we attempt to add some eyeliner (the directions said to apply to the crease of the eyelid --- these directions weren't written for mother's with chinese daughters -- there is no crease)! though that's kind of exciting once a year at recital time, i have to tell you, there's no need for all the sparkly trappings to see bella's joy as she dances.  it's all over her face whether she's spinning on the stage, in the classroom or across the dirty floor of my kitchen.  she dances with joy.

this weekend, bella took part in a large recital.  she and her best pal, emme rouse, have been in classes at the prairie school of dance every thursday. though sometimes getting to class each week is hard for their busy mamas (am i right, diana rouse)?  the girls never want to miss.  they always want to go.  they blow into class each thursday afternoon like two tiny chinese hurricanes. some days we remember ballet shoes and hair buns and some days we barely make it in time with bare feet and messy ponytails.  it doesn't matter.  it doesn't matter one bit how clean they are after quick lunches in the car.  it doesn't matter how tired they are from a lack of nap.  it doesn't matter how cold or wet or wild the weather ...or even how crabby the mommy.  when they enter that classroom they are ALL IN.  there's no hesitation.  no glance back over the shoulder.  no timid turn of the head. nope! they grab hands and push themselves past miss carrie waiting for them at the door. they love to dance.  they dance in puddles of joy, these two.  and when i watch, i find myself dripping wet with the splashes of their liquid love.  it's transformation for them and it's transformation for us.

just before we went to get bella (2 years ago next month)! we were sent this picture of her on the playground at her orphanage.  i have to tell you, i cried over this photo.  yes, i was thankful to finally see her sweet face (we had received very little while we were waiting for her), but this picture kind of broke my heart.  that look in her eyes seemed so detached, so void of childhood, so absent of joy.  i know (now) how easy it is to get bella to smile for the camera, couldn't they have coaxed even a tiny grin out of her? at least for her mama waiting across the ocean?  she seemed so sad.  i probably was reading waaaaay too much into it, but i can tell you, it made me want to highjack the nearest plane and head for china right then and there! this little girl clearly needed to be tickled on her belly and swung high in the air. she needed brothers to piggy back her around the backyard and big sisters to paint her nails and sing songs with.  this little girl, like every little girl and boy, needed a mama and a daddy to squeeze her tight and tuck her into her bed with a thousand "we love you's" each night.

transformation

because that's what happens when we love children well. when they are brought home and held close to the heart.  through our adoption of bella, we've met so, so many kids now with their forever families.  even those children with things like spina bifida and other more obvious special needs, seem to dance in joy.  what is it exactly?  i'll never quite know, but i don't think it's got much to do with us. i am just humbled to be a part of it.  humbled to watch my little girl dance wherever she is.  

when bella and emme were finished with their dance on stage sunday, i was walking them back to their seats in the auditorium.  as we were wiggling our way through the audience, people were giving the girls high-fives, huge smiles, little pats and way to go's!  who isn't a fan of child who dances with joy? 

i adore this photo of emme!  that look!  oh my...talk about JOY!

 bella was clearly caught up in the moment -- 

notice the other ballerinas already up on their feet!

 brothers to piggy back and sisters to paint nails...lots of joy found in these five! 

(by the way, connor's not really angry -- he just didn't like the sun in his eyes).  =)

sweet and so proud...

my favorite shot of the weekend was at the dress rehearsal on saturday.  the mom's had to be back stage for a few minutes helping get the girls situated before their dance.

i caught bella in this sweet moment...

waiting in the wings...

waiting to dance.

and of course you know what i'm going to say next...
this picture only reminds us that in our world today, there are over 200 million other children waiting.

waiting for a chance to dance in joy.

"let them praise His name with dancing..."      ~ psalm 149:3

preschool to prom

i mentioned in my last post that we've been a little busy this month with activities ranging from a preschool graduation to a high school prom.  and that was no exaggeration.  i can pretend it's all really hard...or i can tell you the truth -- it's all really good. sure it might be challenging at times to switch gears from polka dotted preschool dresses to elegant prom night apparel.  but it is also a lot of fun.  i love that God has given me such a stretch.  i don't know if i'd go so far as to say it keeps me young...but it certainly keeps me on my knees. it keeps things in perspective.  and most of all,  it keeps me grateful.

and let me tell you, a good bit of gratitude and a healthy dose of perspective is greatly needed when your daughter starts talking prom -- or "formal" as emily's school calls it.  it is easy to get swept away with all the hoop-a-la of hair and makeup and jewelry and shoes and the dress -- oh the dress!  this dress she is wearing required us to stand in line at a store in the mall for almost an hour waiting for a changing room.  i kid you not.  apparently the weekend we went shopping was open season on prom dresses. and every 17 and 18 year old girl in minnesota was out hunting.  i have never, and i mean never, waited an hour for a dressing room for anything.  but what's a girl (and her mother) supposed to do when (because of a busy volleyball tournament schedule) they have exactly one weekend to figure it all out?  we spent an entire saturday going from place to place.  keep in mind we are new in town.  we didn't exactly know the best places to find formal dresses.  i was doing everything in my power to avoid the awful mall of america.  but at the end of the day, that's exactly where we were.

last october i posted a piece about my first trip to the mall of america. and you might remember though it ended with a great moment, it wasn't exactly the most stellar mall experience starting out. the mall of america and the mcnatt family does not have a terrific track record. (mall of america post).

so here we were in this insane mall with a gagillion other girls clawing and clamoring for the perfect prom dress.  girls with their girlfriends and girls with their boyfriends and girls dragging dazed and desperate looking mothers behind them.  we waited an hour in line to try on this dress and thankfully (i mean THANKFULLY) em and i both agreed it was "the one."  when your 17 year old daughter says yes to the dress (especially after waiting an hour for it) the heavens open wide, angelic voices sing in jubilation and the light suddenly shines softer -- at least for mother.  all we needed was a starbucks to refuel and we were out of there!  em started to doubt her choice and i cut her off quickly, "no. no. no. it's lovely.  it's perfect. we're done. get in the car. let's go!" i felt my foot leaning hard into the gas pedal as we flew out of the monster of america's parking garage.

now all we had left to figure out was her hairstyle and makeup and nails and shoes and jewelry and clutch and boutineer....

okay, so that was the prom dress.  the dress bella is wearing i happened to pick up at nordstrom rack on sale while i was making a return. i saw it.  i grabbed it.  and i was gone in less than 5 minutes.  there was no deliberation. there was no big decision. there was no hour wait for a dressing room.  there was nothing but a polka dotted dress in a bag and a satisfied and calm customer.

see what i mean about perspective?

i think both girls looked lovely.  i wouldn't trade the preschool thing and i wouldn't trade the prom thing.  i am thankful i get to do both.  and as much as i might loathe the mall of america, i wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else than by emily's side while she was trying on dresses. sometimes i think about that.  i think about when i was diagnosed with cancer and i had those hard nights of not knowing how serious it was.  i remember the incredible fear while wondering if i might miss these kinds of moments. that kind of fear changes you. i am not saying i embrace every big and little thing perfectly now, but i am at least more aware of how fleeting time is...how fleeting life can be -- how precious. and truly, we don't need cancer to spell it out.  i look at my oldest daughter and i can't believe how quickly she went from her preschool years to her prom date.  she looks too grown up, doesn't she?  it's what happens. people warned me of this way back when.  but you don't really believe it until it's your daughter or your son.  your child standing taller and more elegant than you ever were at that same age.  and it's one more reminder to grab hold of life right where we are.  in the sweetness of preschool or the drama of prom-a...it's all good. it's all a gift.

and whether our girls wear patent leather mary janes or gold, high heeled sandals, it's a parents' privilege to walk right alongside them.  to sometimes hold their dresses, to sometimes hold their hands, and always, to love them through the small and big steps of their journey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

those two events also kept my camera busy.  i'm including a few photos.  we had the pre-formal pictures for eight couples (and their parents) in our yard...also did the preschool photo shoot there with bella. same setting, different day. i deliberately alternated the pictures below...because that's exactly how i feel most days!

emily and some of her guy friends -- before the other girls arrived!

our bella mouse!

em and her date, kevin. clearly having some fun!

the whole gang!

pleased as punch!

em and her good friend, camille -- beautiful!

bella insisted on including minne in some of her pictures.

these girls didn't seem quite so interested in including minne!

all i really need to know i learned in kindergarten

somehow, yesterday morning, i found myself in a group of parents sitting in small chairs at small tables with a whole bunch of really small kids scattered around us.  it was kindergarten round up time.  and bella and i were there.  somehow.

as we prepared to leave the house friday morning, the thought running through my head was, "surely not."  surely it can't be time to think about kindergarten for this little gal.  but it is.  it is time.  and she is ready.  i am not sure chapel hill academy is ready for our little girl with her giant pink bow and her sparkly silver shoes...but she is ready.  on our way there she told me, "mom, you don't have to carry me.  i will walk into kindergarten roundup like a big girl. i don't want the roundup kids ("round up kids," how cute is that?) to think i'm a baby."  and though i agreed to the "no carrying" thing... i didn't agree with the baby part.  she is my baby.  she will always be so.  shhh...don't argue.

we arrived on time and she pulled my hand all the way through the parking lot right up to the front doors.

so our time spent at kindergarten round up achieved a few things.  it clearly showed me this is where bella needs to be next fall.  i was sort of holding on to the thought of delaying kindergarten and giving her (okay, giving ME) and extra year home.  but the couple of hours spent at "roundup" helped cement our decision to send her.  that means she'll get out of the car next fall with her older sister and brother and i'll watch all three of them walk into the same building.  you can start praying for me now, please.

another thing i learned at kindergarten roundup was that i am fairly certain i am going to be the oldest parent in the group.  yep.  after meeting with all the parents yesterday, that was pretty clear.  they had us all go around and tell a little bit about ourselves and our families. though we didn't exactly have to give our ages, i am pretty sure there wasn't another parent there with a child anywhere close to entering her senior year of high school.  so unless there's an octogenarian hiding back at home, i think rick and i just might lay claim to being the old ones in the group.  sigh.

but it was sitting in the parent meeting and listening to the school administrator talk that i learned my final, and most important, kindergarten lesson of the morning.  somewhere between discussing pencil grip and playground time, she began to speak about the importance of first time obedience.  now, i have to tell you, we are BIG believers in first time obedience.  it is a BIG deal in our home.  we have raised our kids to understand that phrase and exactly what it means. not that any of them of them are perfect at it, but i am pretty sure they could all give you a fairly accurate definition of the term.

first time obedience is doing (1). what is said...(2). right away...(3). with a good attitude.  seems simple enough, right?  like i said, we've talked that phrase blue in the face.  it is part of our everyday lingo in the mcnatt home.  but somehow...when mrs. hansen continued on to say, "if any one of those three parts is missing, it is not true obedience, is it?"  i found myself swallowing hard.  "if any one of those three parts is missing, it is not true obedience."  and somehow i wasn't thinking of my kids, i was thinking of myself.

you see, there's  been a lot about this year that has looked like obedience on my part.  i have been obedient to God in making this move and picking up my family and starting over 1000 miles away from home.  i did what He asked.  i did it when He asked.  but that third part, with a good attitude,  is the thing that gets me.  i've had a lot of people compliment me on being obedient to God and supportive of my husband in this move.  i've had at least a hundred women say to me, "i am not sure i could do that if i was asked."  and somehow i've kinda stuck a feather in my cap and patted myself on the back a bit.  i was obedient. i am supportive. right?  

and it might, very well,  look that way to the outsider.  but i know what my attitude has been on the inside...and if true obedience is having a good attitude while following God's commands then i really can't be labeled as a truly obedient woman.  and mostly it is not what has come out...mostly it has been what has stayed in.  does that make sense?

"they grumbled in their tents and did not obey the Lord."  ~ psalm 106:25

so though we aren't exactly living in tents, i needed to be reminded that any kind of grumbling is disobedience.  and as we begin to pack up the house this weekend and prepare to move in a few days, i probably needed to hear that simple kindergarten lesson yesterday more than anyone (young or old) in the group.  i needed to be reminded that my attitude is just as important as my actions.  we have a really big week ahead of us as we leave this lake home and set up another.  this is going to take some deep digging on my part.  if you've ever moved before, you know what i'm talking about. and, by the way, didn't we just do this???  moving with 5 kids and 2 gigantic dogs also creates just a bit of chaos.  i am sure somewhere about wednesday afternoon i'll be wishing for my magic-moving-wand.  you know the one where you just wave it and say something clever like abbra-ca-dabbra-cala-ma-cace-please-put-everything-into-it's-place!  then point it at the messy house and the multitude of boxes and after a quick poof of smoke everything is in the right spot and it all looks perfect.  yeah, that wand.  if you have one, let me know.

because it's easier to have a good attitude when everything is perfect and in place, right?

what i really need to chant though is God's word.  i need to chant His promises and His prayers.  because the absolute truth is, i cannot do it on my own. no matter how how hard i try and how good i want to be, one thing will go wrong and i'll be right back in the middle of my bad attitude.  moving is hard.  life is hard.  keeping a good attitude only comes when we keep ourselves close to Him. i am not sure i learned that in kindergarten, but i have certainly learned that lesson in life.

"for our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name." ~  psalm 33:21

"above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  proverbs 4:23

so we learned a lot in our first time to kindergarten.  i, clearly, learned more than bella. she had fun: went on a scavenger hunt, made an art project, ate a snack and listened to a story.  i had to come face to face with not only my age, but my disobedient heart. in 1988, roger fulghum published the book, all i ever need to know i learned in kindergarten.   as a high school english teacher, i never really bought into that theory.  i used to tell my students, that though fulghum was clever in his writing, they still had an awful lot to learn in my senior english class.

but perhaps i should have given him more credit.  perhaps he was right.   kindergarten does have a lot to teach...regardless of your age.

from pink tulle to red silk

i don't typically decorate with snakes.  in fact,  this was kind of a first for me. and it ended up being one of those table decorations which i felt the need to "explain" all evening long, at least to the cute little girls who were hesitantly sizing up the slithery things while reaching for an egg roll.  but, after all, it is the year of the snake and for this chinese new year we decided to pull out all the stops and throw in a few serpents.  (vintage dollar store... spray painted antique gold). sssss...

sienna, ruby, bella and emme jade!

really, take one look at these pictures and you'll know we had some fun.  my good friend, diana, and i joined together in our mandarin madness and, along with our husbands, hosted a chinese new year party this past saturday night. rick and i have been wanting to do this since bringing bella home from china. it seemed a wonderful way to celebrate a tiny part of her culture and homeland.  yes, she lives in america. and yes, she is now 100% a part of an american family,  but our little girl was born on the other side of the world in a unique and extraordinary land.  as much as we are thrilled that she's here, we do desire, in some way, to embrace the beauty and rich history of her incredible heritage.

though we have no immediate plans to follow the zodiac calendar or worship our ancestors, there is much about the chinese culture to celebrate.   and that's what we did saturday night.  we aren't going to be adding buddha to our home anytime soon, there will be no following of multiple gods or reverence for the dragon...but we can pull out the artful aspects of china's opulent beauty and we can very much celebrate the place of our daughters' birth.  one of my favorite things on saturday night was when our friend, michelle, brought us a lovely hostess gift.  in our gift she also included a red envelope for each of our children (my 5 and diana's 4).  inside each envelope she had placed a two dollar bill (giving money to children on this holiday is customary), but on the outside of the envelope she had taken the time to write "Jesus loves you" in chinese.  the ancient chinese ancestors might not like that, but we sure loved it!

i'm glad we pushed ourselves along with this party plan.  it wasn't completely easy.  with two of my girls sharing an early february birthday, there's a part of me which feels all party-ed out this month -- understandably.  but, again, i'm pleased we found the margin to make this happen. it was worth every detailed list or late night. and it was such a blast to work with a kindred party planning buddy -- thanks diana rouse!  so this week my thoughts and plans moved rapidly from pink tulle (bella's ballet party -- last saturday) to red silk.  i've included some interesting tidbits about this holiday and a few photos (the really good photos are from diana's camera) from our party.  i hope you enjoy!

a few facts about the chinese new year:

Chinese New Year is celebrated in countries and territories with significant Chinese populations, including Mainland China, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Mauritius, Philippines, and also in Chinatowns elsewhere.
bella may be our only chinese child, but she's significant enough for us to celebrate!

It is also traditional for every family to thoroughly cleanse the house, in order to sweep away any ill-fortune and to make way for good incoming luck. 
well, we really don't believe in the ideas of "luck" and "fortune"...but i am absolutely a big fan of a thorough house cleansing.   i am not sure we swept away any ill-fortune, but i did have a great big pile of dog hair when i finished with my broom!

Legend has it that in ancient times, Buddha asked all the animals to meet him on Chinese New Year. Twelve came, and Buddha named a year after each one. He announced that the people born in each animal's year would have some of that animal's personality. Those born in snake years are wise, charming, gregarious, introverted, generous, and smart.

so, i guess that explains the snake.  he must have been one of the 12 animals hanging out with buddha.  a few other animals attending the buddha meeting were the rat, ox, dragon and pig....personally i wouldn't have incorporated rats or snakes, i think we could have come up with some other, more charming creatures, but okay.  whatever.  we'll go with it. bella, by the way, is the year of the rat.  i know this because her orphanage gave us a statue with a rat on it.  it was a nice thought, but needless to say, the rat statue isn't on display in her bedroom. 

Windows and doors will be decorated with red colour paper-cuts and couplets with popular themes of "good fortune" or "happiness", "wealth", and "longevity." Other activities include lighting firecrackers and giving money in red paper envelopes.
yes.  we embraced this part with great enthusiasm.  (did someone say "decorating???") lots and lots of red and gold.  i ordered paper lanterns and then even ordered some more...because can you ever have enough paper lanterns?  remind me to tell you the story sometime about how i wrangled rick into hanging them for me.  "a little to the left...no, honey, a little to the right...a little higher...no, a little lower."  we were able to hang exactly 3 together before he, in order to save our marriage, carefully removed himself from the dining room and my gigantic pile of lanterns.  what can i say, i had a vision...

At Chinese New Year celebrations people wear red clothes, decorate with poems on red paper, and give children "lucky money" in red envelopes. Red symbolizes fire, which according to legend can drive away bad luck. The fireworks that shower the festivities are rooted in a similar ancient custom. Long ago, people in China lit bamboo stalks, believing that the crackling flames would frighten evil spirits.
i hadn't thought at all about fireworks, but thankfully our good friends, leslie and greg robertson, were on it.  greg brought his supply and shot a few off for the kids down on the lake.  by the way, please don't tell my boys about the bamboo stalks of fire custom ...they'd be all over that one... and knowing us, we'd probably end up burning away more than just some bad luck.

one part of our party which we didn't photograph, but i must mention, is the minnesota influence.  in minnesota, it is customary to remove your shoes at the front door.  (i think that's kind of chinese too -- but for different reasons of course).  i WISH i could show you a picture of what our foyer looked like after approximately 75 people shed their shoes....just imagine!  it was right up there with the golden snakes. when we first moved to minnesota, i had a hard time with this. for you see,  i am a shoe girl.  i wear them and i like them.  i like them on my feet, not at the front door.  sometimes i even plan my outfit around my shoes. (i realize i have just given you some really, really, really shallow information about myself....oh well...judge if you must).  but i suppose it was a really good thing after the mushy, wet wintry weather we've had this week, that most of the minnesotans removed their shoes saturday night.  next year, we plan to have chinese flip flops or silk slippers available for everyone! new shoes? happy chinese new year, indeed!

so, that's it.  that was chinese new year 2013.  what i loved most about this evening was the fun.  it was a really fun night watching so many different people come together.  it was a blessing to see friends who had probably never attended a chinese new year party stop by and celebrate with great enthusiasm...not because they are necessarily connected to the chinese new year, but because they have a connection with our families -- and that's something worth celebrating for sure!

feeling really blessed tonight as i write this...blessed...(and i'll admit) a little bit exhausted.

and just in case you were wondering...next year...it's the year of the horse.  giddy up!  let the party planning begin!

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY y'all!

almond tea cookies.  we made these.  yes, yes we did.  

diana and i got together on friday for some chinese cooking in my kitchen. we were especially proud of our asian dumplings AKA "pot stickers."  they weren't the prettiest pot stickers ever to grace a chinese table (thus, we didn't photograph them)...but they were super yummy!

i took these photos the next morning.  we had several inches of snow that night and throughout the day...  snow tipped chinese lanterns....minnesota style!