Wednesday, July 15, 2009

trust & faith

the words, “trust’ and “faith” were stumbling around the sleepy hallway of my mind this morning as i climbed out of bed.  they were my first thoughts and they remained true throughout the day. i came down to my office, turned on the computer and read an IM transcript between the two women we feel as if we already call sisters: amy and rebecca. amy is the woman from lifeline who originally sent zhang's file to my friend here in atlanta. i can already tell she has an amazing heart for adoption. rebecca is the young woman over in china trying her best to collect information for us.  rebecca's words jumped out from the IM transcript: 
" you must tell the mcnatts to trust us….to trust the doctors…it will be okay…it will be alright…they must have faith...they must trust.” 

okay. so Lord, these are the words you are sending me today. Trust and Faith. do i have enough? can we possibly have enough for a situation this serious? we don’t know. but we will say those words over and over again today...tomorrow...for many tomorrows. maybe it is possible to repeat words even when unsure about how much you believe them…maybe it is then when they actually mean something. maybe.

as i write this tonight, it occurs to me that from the dates in zhang's file we know it was this date, exactly one year ago, when she was found in that corridor. perhaps her chinese mama and papa also had to chant the words Faith and Trust over and over again. maybe they left her with the Faith, the Trust, and even the Hope she might have a chance at medical treatment and life... if they let her go.  i cannot imagine. i write tonight with tears flowing…i am a mother of four and i can’t imagine letting go of any of them with nothing more than a blanket, a note and a birthdate.  did they choose yellow because it possibly suggested a ray of hope or did they choose it because maybe that is all they owned. we will never know.

we do not need to know.  Trust and Faith.

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