hopeful

i was hoping that by today we would have had some kind of update. but nothing. we were told that if zhang was doing well she would leave the hospital and return to the orphanage yesterday. i have heard nothing. it is a strange thing as we begin to consider this little girl our daughter...and then to not know if she is well or unwell...in the hospital or in the orphanage...part of me wants to charge forward in this rescue mission...part of me fears how hard this will be. the less we know, the more our love seems to grow. is this possible? is it normal to be almost fearful to love something...someone? i am sure it must be. this is hard. we chip away at the daunting list of forms and paperwork. we must hold these items now...hoping they will lead to holding this little girl at the end of this seemingly long road.
she is now such a normal part of our prayers. our bedtime prayers with the children...our meal time prayers...my prayers that run rambling throughout the day over a variety of topics....zhang's name, zhang's face weaves through them. so thankful that Jesus is watching over her. just so thankful for that today....it doesn't always feel like enough. but, we know that it is. it is enough.