okay, i have to admit, i am feeling a little silly now. after posting that piece last week about selling the house, the realtor's last minute call and the imagined mad dash for the door...i am feeling a bit sheepish this morning. the house sold this weekend. yep, sold. no realtor, no mad dash, no dirty laundry loaded, no smelly onions cooking, and no sign.
all that worry for nothing, right? and isn't that so often the case. for heaven's sake, i sat down and pounded out that last post, "living cleanly," certain it would be my life for the next few months. houses don't sell these days. at least they don't usually sell in a matter of days. we posted some pictures on facebook and low and behold! the first two families to come visit both presented offers two days later...with a third offer right behind! sunday afternoon we accepted one and are now working through the details. both were incredible offers, both were incredible families.
"but we never got a sign," connor said to me this morning. you know the one he is talking about -- that big real estate sign someone comes and pounds into the ground of the front yard which makes the neighbors whisper and wonder. "what is going on with the mcnatts? where are they going? and why?" that one. that sign. somehow i guess to a nine year old boy this whole thing didn't seem completely legit without an official looking piece of wood out front. and, of course i wonder, where will we plaster our big SOLD announcement? (thus my picture above).
but sometimes we just don't get signs. we all like them. i sure like them. i like to know i am headed in the right direction. i like to know i am on the correct path and following the correct plan. but that's not always the case. since friends and neighbors have found out about our quick house sale, i am hearing comments like, "it's a sign!" one friend said, "clearly God is showing you this is the right move!" okay, honestly i'd really like to believe that. i'd really like to jump up and down and say "yes! see! it's a sign! now we know...now we're sure, without a doubt, we are supposed to move to minnesota!" except that it is still hard and there are still doubts and i am still feeling awfully fragile about the whole crazy thing. so was it a sign? is it a sign? does a sign in my yard or in my life make all that much difference? hmm....it certainly gives me something to ponder.
if you are anything like me, than you probably also, on occasion, wrestle with the will of God. i really do want to know what God wants from me -- from us -- from the mcnatt family. i not only want to know it, but i want to be sure. i want to be able to touch and taste it -- to feel it deep in my bones and strong in my gut. there probably isn't one of us who hasn't wished at some point for a direct memo from God on some thing. but i have found in my forty-odd years, there are a lot of things i've done, decisions i've made, places i've gone, and projects i have attempted which didn't come with a crystal clear course. they didn't come with a bold blueprint or an audible voice. there have been times when it felt like i was just putting my toe in the water and watching the ripples. times when it was just going on a hunch...and more times than not, on a wing and a prayer. it isn't like we don't pray about it -- oh baby -- we pray. we pray and we pray. i know God hears these prayers and i know sometimes He chooses to give us a clear sign and make it obvious and sometimes He just whispers quietly in our ears, "trust me. i've got this."
though i prefer solid wooden signs and easy to read roadmaps, i know that faith isn't about always knowing or always seeing. it isn't about the tangible or the touchable. i mean, God is pretty clear about His purposeful ambiguity, ironically, He tells us plain as day: "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ~ hebrews 11:1. i'll be the first to admit, i don't always like that. i don't like that there are some gray areas in my living...in my life. i'd much prefer it to be all spelled out and laid out, so that i can, accordingly, plan it out. but somehow i am pretty sure God knows this and even this is a part of His plan and design for me.
so we didn't get that sign. but we did get the blessing of a house quickly sold. and we'll take that. this mother of five will accept that gift with grateful and thankful hands. and though i am not sure if we can call it a "sign" or not, i do know God was in control of even the details of this past week. even the simple selling of our home is part of His story -- a God story and for His glory -- and on that, i am 100% SOLD.
"so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~ 2 corinithians 4:18
"we live by faith, not by sight." ~ 2 corinthians 5:7