one little lamb

it's raining in minnesota tonight.  that's so odd.  how can a january day in minnesota be warm enough for rain? but it is.  and i sit and listen to the soft rat a tat tat of raindrops hitting windows.  i hear it  along the chimney brick -- a bare whisper joining the cacophonous sounds of busy children around our house.  couch time and cartoons down the hallway for a tired ballerina...puppy barking playful in the kitchen...music from my almost-teen daughter's bedroom.  the pantry door opens. closes. opens again.  and this is our thursday afternoon.  and i only want to bundle it all up in my arms and hold it tight.  i want to push pause. i want to sit in the sound of raindrops... and feel the mix of my tears.

i've just come from hugging my friend diana in the parking lot.  she has been in contact with mary today.  we all know ivy isn't doing well. they made it to boston last night, they've made it through so much already.  but there's more.  we all know that, too. much more. please go on to mary's blog (click here) to read her latest update.  only a couple of hours or so ago, she wrote.  her words are amazing.  inspiring. incredibly beautiful...and raw. so raw.

i have been pondering all week why ivy's story has hit so close to home.  yes, my sweet friend, diana, is wrapped up in this as one of mary's very dearest friends...but there's more.  perhaps it's that mary is walking the story that we were warned of three years ago when trying to decide on bella's file in the summer of 2009.  i'll never forget the cardiologist who reviewed bella's information for us.  we talked long distance on a sunny, hot july day in georgia and she told me, "jody, i cannot recommend you pursue this little girl...her condition is too serious. there's too much risk.  you have no idea. there's a likely chance you'll bring her home, only to lose her.  you could potentially have surgery after surgery with this child.  you have other, healthy children...think of how this could effect them. think of your other children, jody.  do you really want to put your family through this?"  i assure you, she did not relay these words in a cold, collected, sterile manner.  no, this professional...this medically astute doctor...this woman's words were tearful. emotional. full of great empathy. but still, at the end of the day, she recommended we decline bella's file.

i am so glad we didn't do what the doctor ordered that day. (understatement of the year).

somehow, even against the advice of medical professionals, we went on to follow our heart... to listen to God's voice.  not because we were that strong, but perhaps, more so,  because we were that naive...we were that medically in the dark...and perhaps a tad bit stubborn. i, specifically, never like to be told "no."  i am not sure how it all happened, but, we pursued bella...and you know the rest of the story.

but there was a time when we were very concerned our first year with bella might look like what the sammon's family has gone through with ivy this year.  it woke me up at night throughout that time of waiting.   i had people question us.  wonder about us.  we had friends go to great lengths to raise money because we were all certain her medical bills would be staggering. and, if you were reading along back then, you might remember me saying this:  "i am not the most medically equipped mother, i am a woman who struggles with bandaids and tylenol."  i didn't have the skill set needed for a serious heart baby --  heck, i don't have the skill set needed for a scraped knee! i assure you.  but God let us know in the way He let's us know...that it didn't matter.  I will equip those whom I call.  that is what we heard over and over again.  we didn't have to be perfect parents or professional-anythings...we just had to be willing.

i write this tonight so burdened, because i am sure that is what mary would want you to know as well.  read her blog.  that is exactly what she says.  YES this has been HARD.  incredibly hard...incredibly tiring...incredibly challenging.  but she wouldn't change it.  YES she wants to change what is going on tonight with ivy...but she wouldn't change saying YES to ivy. not ever.  this amazing mama has fought -- and is fighting -- a brilliant battle for her tiny girl.  no, it hasn't been easy, but it's been good.  that's where we go wrong in our thinking...that easy must = good.  if there's one message i have wanted to hammer hard into my blog writing over these years, it is this:  don't believe the world's lie that for something to be good it must also be easy. convenient.  comfortable. safe. sensible.

"the struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. it makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. it teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."  ~ helen keller

i won't pretend to compare what we've been through with what the sammons family is going through.  but we know this a little.  we've shared those lessons here in this blog...and we know, without a doubt, there will be more lessons to learn. (sigh).

but here's the deal, when we can come to that place of acceptance, it changes everything about how we live. that's what i want for my family...for my children.  we didn't pursue bella for the drama, but for the difference we'd make in her life and the difference she'd make in our lives. we did it out of obedience to what God's word says.  there is no gray area here. "pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (james 1:27).  we are called to do something.  SOMETHING.  there just weren't enough reasons to say no. a medical diagnosis wasn't enough. a lack of finances or time or bedrooms...those aren't reasons enough. those of you who have adopted special needs children, you understand.  sure, we got the extra blessing of bella surprising us all and being in better health than we could have even hoped.  the incredible surgery performed on her in china was bold and brilliant. it was life saving and life sustaining.   oh, how i thank my heavenly father every single day for what He orchestrated in her heart in 2009.  three years later, and it still takes my breath away to consider His mercy on my girl.

what mary sammons and her family have done for ivy is exactly what Jesus has done for us.  they went for one child. just one. one little girl who had nothing to bring,  nothing obvious to offer.  but they loved her completely and unconditionally.   just as Jesus considers us, just as He loves us -- completely and unconditionally. we come to Him as empty handed orphans, but He wants us so much, He is willing to leave the ninety-nine and go after His one lost sheep. that is the picture of adoption.  that is the picture of our adoption in Christ. not abandoned, but pursued. wanted. chosen. even chased.

"then Jesus told them this parable: “suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? and when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘rejoice with me; i have found my lost sheep.' i tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."  ~ luke 15


he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home...
he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home...
he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home...

joyfully.

when we began our adoption of bella, we heard from several people who said things like, "but there are millions of orphans..."  um.. yeah? as if that was reason to not adopt. the crisis is so huge, that we do nothing? just because there are over 150 million orphaned children in this world, we are to do nothing? really?  is that what we truly believe?  NO!  you do what you can.  you listen to what God places on your heart...and you follow THAT, not what the bank account tells you isn't possible or what the doctors tell you isn't a good risk...

i love the words of mother teresa, "if you can't feed a hundred people, than feed just one." that's it.  just one. one. one.  okay, well, maybe two or three or ten...but we start with one.

ivy joy is so sick.  we don't know what her future holds.  none of us have that answer right now.  but we all are absolutely certain that ivy joy has felt the love and the embrace of a tender mother and father's arms. and no matter what, that is worth every bit of this journey, no matter how hard the struggle.

we don't love our children because they are a good investment or because we deem them a good risk...we love them because that's what we are called to do.  love them.  one by one by one by one.

one little lamb at a time.

"he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home..."