to see something grand

"splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty fill His sanctuary." ~ psalm 96:6

when i was 12 my parents decided it was high time for our family to go gaze at the grand canyon.

we lived in cleveland, ohio, and since money wasn’t growing on trees in our yard, the plan was, we would use our christmas break and we would drive --- from cleveland to the grand canyon. 2000 miles across the country. and because it wasn’t exciting enough for six of us to travel all those miles together in one van, my grandparents were invited to join our expedition.

1 van. 8 people. 2000 miles.

now in order for you to get the full picture, it's important to also explain our seating issues. though my dad's van was great for his painting business, it was a little lacking for his passengers. you see, the van only had two seats: driver and front passenger. but dad, being the ever-resourceful guy that he is, figured out a way to attach two aluminum lawn chairs inside the van for grandma and grandpa's seating pleasure. the children?  well, we, in  typical 1970-something fashion, were left to roll around like a quartet of paint cans in the empty shell of the van's back.

and so on a snowy, december day, our gray van holding 8 people, all their luggage, and a whole bunch of high expectations, left ohio and headed for sunny arizona.  and it was good for a little while.  we didn’t have iphones or ipads or itouches or i-anythings, but somehow we survived. somehow in the back of that van, my siblings and i kept ourselves occupied for several days.  i'm not certain what exactly my brother and sisters did,  but i read through every nancy drew mystery i had been able to stuff into my suitcase. in fact, i remember reading the last one slowly, afraid i'd have to make the return trip home without the escape of my reading material.

i'm sure we also did our share of antagonizing my parents with comments like, "i'm hungry" and "she's touching me" and "when are we going to be there?" i don't exactly remember my dad threatening to pull over and spank any of us, but i'm pretty certain that scenario must have occurred. in fact, i'm positive.

one of the most vivid memories from that journey is my grandmother. you see, every time we’d go around a little bend or curve in the road, grandma and grandpa, in their aluminum chairs, would sway slightly left or slightly right. for grandma this was on par with riding a roller coaster and she reacted in like fashion giving a big "whoo-hoo!" though grandma might have enjoyed her theme park experience in  the back of our van, i'm sure she and grandpa were doubting their decision to tag along by the time we crossed into kentucky.

add to grandmother's whoo-hoos, my own mother's, "would you look at THAT, kids!" and the memory is pretty much complete. though i get it now, i didn't understand her enthusiasm back then. every 10 minutes or so, my excited mom would yell out, “look kids, look. would you just look at THAT!” and we’d all clamor out from the depths of the van only to just miss that amazing wildflower display roadside or a piece of texas tumbleweed rolling down the highway.

and this went on hour after hour, day after day, and somewhere around oklahoma, i remember saying to my almost-teenage self .... "how in the world did i get here?”

........

that was 33 years ago.

this past week, my husband and i took our own kids to go gaze at the grand canyon. we too, thought it "high time" for this adventure.

assuredly, our travel looked a little different. we all had, not only seats on our 747, but also a variety of apple products in hand to occupy us for our 2 and 1/2 hour flight. gone were the aluminum lawn chairs, gone were the nancy drew mysteries, gone were the long hours of a long road trip.

and though travel and time and even i have changed, i found myself asking that same question: "how in the world did i get here?"

except this time it wasn't about the circumstances of my travel, but it was me watching my kids gaze into the canyon with mouths open and eyes wide in disbelief. this time it wasn't me escaping into my mystery book, but me enjoying my kids take in the mystery and grandeur and wonder of this great canyon.

for as i thrilled as i was to see the grand canyon again, i was even more thrilled as a mother to witness my kids seeing it for their first time.

and though i am happy our travel didn't require lawn chairs or long hours, i am thankful, even now, for that experience my parents gave us 30 some years ago.

regardless of how we travel, regardless of the time, regardless of the trip, it is always a gift to go see something grand and to experience some adventure.

can't pass up an opportunity to have a little extra fun ...

we used sedona as our home base. loved sedona and the red rock!

emily, getting her sedona on.

we celebrated sarah's 14th birthday with a surprise helicopter ride! wow. just wow.

my trio of photographers! we've all got the photography bug.

3 sisters

the adventurers! what a tribe.

ATV-ing in the desert

climbing camelback mountain -- to the tip top!

mountain climber connor

back to phoenix for a little RandR after all that adventure.

lazy river. lazy mama!

made a shutterfly book on the way home ... they sent the link to my blog.  slightly obsessed over here with shutterfly books!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create your own custom photo books at Shutterfly.com.

When The Mommy Is Just Not Enough

I'm not sure if it was the 5th child or the cancer diagnosis or when someone missed diagnosing my [obvious] case of the crazies. Maybe it was some combination of all those life-altering events, but somewhere in those years, it became clear, I was no longer a contender for super-mom.

It was time to turn in the cape.

Somewhere in those moments of forgetfulness, helplessness and overwhelmed-ness I found out that I was never going to be enough.

I was never going to be the perfect mother or the ideal wife.

I was never going to achieve, accomplish or be awarded any kind of mother-of-the-year medal.

But, the truth is, for many years, I pretended otherwise.

For many years, I faithfully clipped articles from parenting magazines and stayed up late attempting cute crafts and yummy baked things from the pages of Family Fun (I am beyond thankful that Pintrest wasn't a thing yet). For many years I refused to let the sun go down with dirty dishes in the sink or with laundry left on the floor. For many years I meal-planned and color-coded my schedule, wrote detailed lists and even remembered to buy only organic apples.

For many years I thought if I just worked a little bit harder, stayed up a little bit later, organized a little bit better, walked a little bit faster ... I'd find myself a little bit closer to being enough.

Thankfully--mercifully--just in the nick of time, God released me from that kind of crazy. Like I said, I'm not sure exactly when that epiphany occurred ... but somewhere in those years I realized it just wasn't going to happen. And what's more --- It shouldn't happen.

It wasn't the right goal. 

It was never how God intended me (or any mother) to be.

Motherhood isn't supposed to be a race to the finish line.
Motherhood isn't a competition in who's the most prepared or punctual or perfect.
Motherhood isn't a test of creativity or craftiness or cute clothes.
Motherhood isn't even about keeping a clean house or incredibly clean kids.

Motherhood is a journey.
It's a painstaking, heart-wrenching, spirit-filling, joy-bringing  p r o c e s s.

And good mothering isn't what happens when we are trying to be the greatest mom out there, but when we are just being a good mom right here.

In the almost 20 years I've been parenting, I've made more mistakes than I'd ever have imagined possible. Seriously, I could blush at some of my blunders.
I've messed up and screwed up and even thrown up my hands in defeat. I've cried over spilled milk and stubbed toes and moldy laundry. I've stepped in baby poop, been smeared with peanut butter and left the house without my wallet, my shoes -- and even once -- forgot the baby. (Don't worry, the older kids reminded me before we had turned out of our street. It can happen, people. Please don't judge).

There have been many moments where I've been just flat out thankful no one was watching or grading or taking detailed notes. The marks wouldn't have been pretty and the notes certainly not nice.

I can remember a few years ago wrestling this out with God. It was the summer after we adopted Bella. The same summer I was recovering from breast cancer and a double mastectomy. Nothing like gaining a kid and losing your strength--not to mention body parts--to make you wonder just what lesson God is teaching.

It was one of those sweltering summer nights in Georgia. I was out on our deck and feeling like I had just spent my whole day dropping balls and letting everyone down in my house. So, sitting there steaming in my frustration and the crazy Georgia heat, I just flat out told Him, "Guess what God: I'm not enough!"

And though it wasn't exactly an audible voice, God whispered clearly right back to me ---
"You're right, Jody, you're not enough ... and you're not even supposed to be. But I am."

Again, not a voice, but clear as day. That was the moment He began to release me from some kind of weird self-imposed, inner idealism and was giving me full permission to build a bonfire and burn up all of the Family Fun magazines I had been saving for a rainy day.

That night I walked back into the house, hugged my kids and husband goodnight, left a sink full of dirty dishes and went directly to bed. And it was the beginning of my new walk. I was giving up my mommy-frenzy for my new found mommy-freedom.

Please don't misread what I'm saying: God wasn't giving me a license to be negligent, reckless, careless or lazy with my kids, but he was teaching me the lesson to be more lenient with myself.  Because somewhere I had gotten off track in thinking that my kids had to be my whole world and I had to be there's.

Does this sound familiar? 

Somewhere in the early years of parenting, I did what many mothers do, I wrapped my identity and my ego around them and tightly tied a big old (pretty) bow.

Let's face it, that's easy to do.
It's an amazing gift to be called mama.
It's like my favorite job ever!
But between the hormones and the housework, we women can get a little cra-cra about our "calling."

I always wanted to be a mother.

Though I carried a triple major in college, I knew even then, as much as I loved all that stuff and all those studies, I wanted nothing more than to be a plain, old mom. I never saw it as second best. I never once considered it anything less than the highest calling possible in a woman's life. And even on the hardest of days, I knew I was doing exactly what I was made for.

I've never had a moment of doubt.

I didn't doubt my calling, but I did doubt myself and my abilities and my strength and my being "enough."

Ultimately, that doubt was a good thing in my life.

Because when I brought my burden to that place of brokenness, God met me there and assured me in the sweltering heat on my nighttime deck and many, many times since, I didn't need to be enough, because He was. Because He is.

That was His job. My job is to point my kids to His sufficiency, not my own.

In fact, if I am always working my tail off trying to be all that (and a bag of chips) for my kids, then I am actually working against what God wants to do and demonstrate in their lives. Moms aren't ever supposed to compete with God. Our accomplishments aren't ever supposed to rival God's awesomeness. 

John 3: 30 says,"He must increase, but I must decrease." 
Have you ever thought about how those words might apply to mothers?

As moms, we spend so much energy trying to be MORE ... and yet God is telling us there's actually great blessing found in being LESS.

We aren't training up our kids to always assume "Mom's got this!"
But instead, we need to teach them to see how "God's got this!"

That was a few years ago, but the truth is, I still struggle. Those same urges and desires come bubbling up in my competitive and creative nature. I still find myself striving and stretching and spinning my way around ... trying to do it all. Juggle it all. Be it all.

I'm not completely healed from the super-mom syndrome, but I am more aware of it.

And God, in His graciousness, often brings me reminders along the way.

Like last weekend.

My middle child, Sarah, had a volleyball tournament and she had to be up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning. Friday night she was out late and when she came in I was already in bed. half asleep, I asked her if she had everything ready for the morning. (volleyball bag, uniform, knee pads, spandex, socks, shoes, water bottle, blah,blah,blah ....)

"I don't mom, but I will," she answered.
and with that, I fell asleep. I didn't get up and follow her down the hall or chase her around with reminders. I just fell asleep. I had my own good case of Friday night exhaustion.

I didn't hunt down her uniform or lay out her socks or pack up her healthy snacks. I just went to bed.

We were up the next morning at 6am. Before leaving the house I ran up to her room to grab something and found this list on her desk.  the night before she had created a checklist. complete with little boxes and check marks.

I stood there looking at this little piece of paper and my eyes welled with tears when I realized what I was seeing was evidence of mom isn't enough. Not just evidence, but the blessing which moves in when I, the mother, move out a bit. When I let go of the list. When I loosen the reigns. When I leave room for her to step in, to step up.

And women, wherever you are in your motherhood journey, today I am writing to encourage you to let go a little. It's okay. I know it's not always easy, but it's what we are supposed to do. 

Let them forget something.

Let them fail a little. 

Let them face a struggle or two. 

Let them, in fact, get caught or get in trouble.

I know that's hard when we can clearly circumvent some kind of kid-crisis. And, I'm sure, sometimes we should make a decision to do so. But sometimes we've got to be wiling to put away our super-mom cape and let them figure it out for themselves.

Again, this has nothing to do with shirking our responsibilities or taking the easy way out. Not at all. We are instructed to work "heartily for the Lord," and encouraged to "approve what is excellent."  But I don't believe when Jesus asked us to "think on things which are excellent or worthy of praise" He was necessarily talking about making 4 dozen cute little frog cupcakes or making sure our kids are always organized, orderly and well-outfitted.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a creative or prepared mom. There are definitely times to go the extra mile or deliver the extra special. God wired some of that right into us. I am not discouraging you from your passion in serving and blessing your family, but I am encouraging you to keep it realistic and to know that what counts most is not the praise for the woman and her healthy, homemade meal, but the home-loved child who learns to seek God's heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

and the greatest of these is LOVE ...

{nine devotions on love}

february 1: {walk in love}
welcome to february!
last month's series focused mainly on "the new." but this first day of february i want to offer up something old. something that john tells us is not a new command, but something which has been around for quite some time -- it's old news, but it's good news!
(also, i am slightly tickled that it is specifically addressed to a woman --"dear lady")!
"and now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. AND THIS IS LOVE: that we walk in obedience to His commands. as you have heard from the beginning, His command is that you WALK IN LOVE."
john's pretty clear on two things:
1. it's not a "new" command.
2. it is about obedience.
we are to love one another.
plain and simple, right?
but if we're being honest with ourselves, we'd probably agree, loving others isn't always easy. it just isn't.
if we truly want to love others though, it's not about how we feel, it's about how we obey.
no where in this verse does john mention our feelings or our mood or our circumstances.
no, he writes that we are to be obedient to God's commands ... specifically the one that says, "walk in love."

that's the direction of this month's weekend posts. i'll be posting a little bit of what love is and what love isn't ...

today. love is obedience to God's word.

friends, happy february 1st ... let's walk in love!

february 2 {put on love}
“put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. and above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” ~ 1 peter 4:8

we spend a lot of time shifting clothing around in our home. clothes in and out of the laundry machines. clothes in and out of closets, dressers, armoires, the back seat of my car! (yes, as ridiculous as it sounds, even there)!
there are clothes on and off bodies, on and off the floor, on and off beds and desks and couches. piles here and there. clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes we aren’t sure whether are clean or dirty or what!
we have clothes in need of a stain stick, an iron, a needle and thread or even in need of a new home.
we have clothes to put away, clothes to give away and clothes so beaten up by my boys they could be thrown away.
you know, a family of seven --laundry issues.
yes mam, we’ve got em!
and so maybe that’s my connection to the way this verse reads. “put on.” i get the whole, “put on” thing. it reminds me of clothes!
yesterday’s post talked about “walking in love” and today’s verse suggests we should “put on love.” both phrases emphasize action. just like the dirty clothes on my daughter’s floor aren’t going to magically become clean ... no. it requires an action, some effort, attention.
and loving others requires the same -- action!
we aren’t to sit by and let love just magically happen. we are to walk in it, pursue it, put it on. because we are God’s holy and beloved, we are to dress ourselves each day in our compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience ... and above all, we are to put on love.
it's an action! -- we get up in the morning and we get dressed. and if we take care in our clothing, if we pay attention to putting on love, we will bind ourselves to others in perfect harmony.

february 8 {love covers}
“above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” ~ 1 peter 4:8

when i read this verse, i think of paint. i have always been a big believer in what a fresh coat of paint can do. i am the woman who has woken up on a summer morning and spontaneously run to home depot for a gallon of paint -- no plan. no idea. just a burning desire to paint the dining room grey-blue or buttercream or something! there was a time when my spontaneity might have bordered on obsession. my husband would come home from work , walk in the door and wonder out loud, “so, what has the woman painted today?”
and though i’ve gotten a hold on this paint thing lately, i'd be lying if i didn't admit i, on occasion, still feel that same urge.
dirty smudges and fingerprints and who-knows-what on the walls and i just want to go running for a brush and bucket of color. i want to wipe away all the grime and the grit with a few swift strokes.

love does this, too.

it does. it can come in and cover a multitude of messes. when it looks like nothing else is going to clean up our situation or fix this problem or solve that issue -- love can come pouring in and pour out a blanket of forgiveness and hope.
i’ve seen it happen. i’ve seen how the words, “i love you” can diffuse anger and destroy walls. i’ve seen it with children and parents and friends and spouses. i’ve seen love cover the ugliest of messes and a multitude of my very own mistakes.
if you're like me, you probably have an ugly place or a relationship which needs a few brush strokes of God’s covering kind of love.

go pick up some paint.

when we remember how God’s love has covered and cleaned up us... we just might be prompted to love one another earnestly and pull out a little fresh paint.


february 9 {for those who LOVE Him}
i know sometimes in the middle of our now, it’s hard to think about what God has for us next.
it's hard to imagine what's behind the next door.
and often, it's really hard to believe that this burden will get better or that this brokenness can ever become beautiful.
i know the words “this too shall pass” sometime feel almost impossible.
we get so caught up in right-where-we-are -- in the need of our “right now."
and where embracing the present is important, it is just as important to keep our eyes on the hope to which God calls us.
for those who LOVE Him ...
He has more. He has much. He even has the miraculous.
i’m not sure i always live like i believe that.
i’m not sure i always live like i have a God who loves me like that.
where sometimes we find ourselves not prepared for the future, God is prepared. He has a plan -- it’s perfect. and because of His plan and His power we can have hope -- the promise of a perfect hope in Him.
yes, by all means, live in the moment; be fully alive in the present, embrace today, but don’t forget the hope to come for those who LOVE Him.

“what no eye has seen,
nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared
for those who love him."
~ 1 corinthians 2:9

february 14 {at all times}
valentine’s day comes around once a year and we go hog-wild with the love stuff, right? --- candy, hearts and flowers galore! and it’s big fun. i mean, seriously, what’s not to love about celebrating love? in fact, right this very minute there is a goodie bag for each kid at the breakfast table and a giant pink puppy for the littlest one!
that’s all good stuff, but love isn’t about a holiday or a hearts&flowers day. if we only remember to really celebrate it one day out of the year, than, seems to me, there can’t be too much to celebrate.
no, love is about what happens every day. each day. --- at all times.
whether we’re talking about our family or our friends, we need to remember real love is what happens in between the special occasions. it happens on the tuesday when we’re tired and on the wednesday when we’re worn out. it happens on the friday when we’re frustrated and on the saturday when we’re snippy.
a friend loves at all times. a friend loves even when it isn’t easy or convenient or necessarily comfortable.
that’s how Jesus loved us. that’s how He loves us -- unconditionally and unreservedly.

His love isn't a holiday love, it's a holy love.

when the toddler is whining at your feet.
when the teenager is sassing across the counter.
when the sister disappointed or the brother dropped the ball.
when the mother forgot and the father failed.
when the friend over-reacted or wounded or rejected ...

remember, His love -- a love for all times.

xoxo

february 15 {walk in the way of love}
yesterday’s (valentines) post talked about how God’s love isn’t a holiday love, but a holy love. and it’s a love which happens each day -- every day.
so, that’s nice and all, but how do we make love a part of our day to day?

--- we walk in it.

love is an action. it’s an attitude. it’s an acceptance to live and move and meander in the way Christ demonstrated.
walking in love is truly following Him, letting Him lead, and looking to Him for the right way. because, let’s face it, love isn’t always easy and sometimes we just want to turn right around and run the other direction.
{at least in MY world that happens}!
love isn’t always comfortable and it isn’t always a clear path --- but when we decide to follow Jesus and His direction --- He promises to determine our steps. one foot in front of the other. step by step.
on the good days it can feel like we're leaping in our love ... like we’re running with wild abandon -- and oh, how i love those days!
but truly, most of us have more days which just seem to creep along, consisting of baby steps and even backward steps.
yeah, i know. that happens here too.
but regardless of our erratic walk, God’s love doesn’t change direction. it doesn’t slow in pace. it never falters or quits or forgets its way --- no, His love is a running love, a waltzing love, a redeeming love.
so whether we waltz or we wobble, let’s walk with Him today. this day. every day.


february 16 {Christ’s love compels}
"if we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. for Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. and he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." 2 corinthians 5:14-15

my honey brought home these gorgeous roses for me on friday - valentine’s day. so sweet, right? but truly, i have to tell you that’s just the way he operates. often. he is a man who brings flowers for no occasion. {hooray for that!}
he brings flowers, “just because.” 
i guess you could say, his love for me “compels” him.
not that i’m all that compelling, mind you. 
no, not compelling or especially deserving or even all that worthy. but he does it anyway. he has, i kid you not, even brought me flowers just because i was in a bad mood. 
now, people, THAT’S love!

sounds a little bit crazy, huh? like paul is writing about in this verse above. “if we are ‘out of our mind,’ as some say, it is for God ... for Christ’s love compels us.” we do things and say things and believe things which seem absolutely crazy to the world. they don’t make sense. they look a little cuckoo. but we do them anyway, because CHRIST'S LOVE COMPELS US. 
when we get even a little glimpse of His great love, we begin to let go and look a little “out of our mind.” 
there was a time when then bothered me. there was a time when i wanted to fit in and look like everyone else ... i spent a whole lot of time and energy and money trying to fit the world’s mold. but that’s not who we are to be as Christ-followers. 
we are to look a little different, be a little different, act a little different. 
the world should know we are Christians by our love -- our compelling, crazy kind of love. 
the kind of love God has for us. 

we’re different, because He made a difference. 
we worship, because He is worthy. 
we love, because He first loved us.

{so i was in the middle of writing this piece yesterday when my oldest daughter returned home from her breakfast with friends ... what happened at the pancake house is exactly what this post is about -- here's the link!}
http://eventhesparrow843.blogspot.com/2014/02/when-love-of-jesus-showed-up-at-pancake.html

february 22 {my strength}
so, i have this thing for barns ...
last weekend, while i was out roaming minnesota farm country, this one caught my eye.
the weathered wood and roof.
colors and textures vibrant against blue sky, white snow, and wide open space.
it made me stop ---
stop and shoot a few pictures.
stop and think a few thoughts.
it made me wonder about this barn and the strength its shelter has provided, the stories it’s held for how many years. perched on top is the year: “1906.” clearly, we’re in well over a century of protection.
when the minnesota winters rage, it’s where the cattle head.

there’s comfort in knowing we have a place to find shelter.
God provides that haven for us --- whether hot sun or bitter wind or blowing snow ... He envelopes us in His arms of love and offers us the place and protection of Him -- shelter. safety. sanctuary.

i've experienced that place of provision, that shield of God's strength and it makes me wonder how my response can be anything other than that of david's, “i love you, o Lord!”

“he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
i will say to the Lord, “my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom i trust.” ~ psalm 91:1-2

february 23 {love is patient}

it’s the big passage on love isn’t it? 

read at weddings, recited for all types of occasions. it hangs on walls and graces greeting cards. once, i even cross stitched it for a friend's wedding gift. it’s the first one which comes to mind when asked to find a bible verse on love.

and so i was planning on writing a post on the whole passage -- the whole thing.

"love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails..." ~ 1 corinthians 13

but i couldn’t get past the first three words.

the very first phrase of this great “love” chapter stopped me dead in my tracks --- love is patient.

love is.

and i am not.

not this week at least. how can i even type out that phrase and share it with y’all after the week where i’ve been snippy and snappy and plain old irritated over dumb stuff.

how can i pretend to encourage you with the entire love passage when i can’t seem to get past the first short sentence.

nope. i can’t.

so, i’m stopping right there today. and that’s as far as i’m going down this love path. i need to work on patience in my home, in my life, in MYSELF ... before i can address all those other wonderful aspects of love. and, i assure you, it will take everything this weak woman has at the moment.

love is patient.

if i want to show love to my husband and my kids and my friends and yes, even strangers, than i’m going to have to step up my patience game. i’m going to have to remind myself daily (hourly) that God is nothing but patient with me.

when i feel frustrated, irritated, on edge or short ... i need to remember the soft grace of God.

oh friends, this sunday, let's take the time to soak ourselves in His patience and His peace. only He who is Perfect Love, can provide the unhurried, unhassled, unselfish love we desire.

a study in black and white

decisions --- don't you wish they were as black and white as these woods?

the other night, i drove up my driveway which is flanked with this small, stark, winter forest and i wished for exactly that.
i wished for everything we have on our plates right now to be as clear as this colorless landscape -- black and white and easy to read.

i don't know what's wrong with me, but i've never been especially good at decisions. as a child, my mom would have told you that's because i wanted it all. i didn't know which slice of cake to choose because there was this little part of me which just basically wanted the entire cake -- the whole kit and caboodle!

i guess the problem is,  i'm still a whole cake kind of gal.

we don't exactly have cake, but we do have some pretty big decisions on the table right now ... and those big decisions break down into lots and lots of little decisions. and there are these little people (and not so little people) in our house staring at us and wondering what we're doing. wondering what we're going to do.

the options are good, but in need of some shape, structure, some direction. a clear design. a plan to read. a path to follow. a purpose to embrace.


"and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “this is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." ~ isaiah 30:21

i want that isaiah kind of clarity. i want that clear word behind me. i want that audible voice which says WALK THIS WAY.

turn here.
take a left.
go right.
u turn ahead.
-- whatever!

is it so wrong to ask for road signs or an audible voice?

last summer, on a walk with the dog, i was heading out into these same woods when i actually did hear a voice behind me. but it was only my 10 year old calling out after me, "what's for dinner, mom?"

well, that's not exactly what i was looking for.
and, by the way, that question in our house is often a mystery, too!

but i look at this white snow and these dark trees and i wonder, why it has to be so hard ... so confusing ... so, NOT black and white. why can't God just send me a text or an email or even leave me a comment here on my blog and let me know what He wants. i guess what i really want is God to show up with his snow plow (like this wonderful, wonderful guy who takes care of our driveway) and plow me right through my deep confusion ... our deep decisions.

maybe you've been there?

maybe you are there?

maybe today you're looking out your window or looking at some woods with the same longing as me. maybe you, too, are asking God to not only show you His perfect plan, but to also make it really, really perfectly clear.

if that's your prayer today, then know, you have a friend who lives back a bit in some minnesota woods and is praying that same prayer with you today.

and take a walk with me not just in praying, but also in knowing and trusting that we have a God who isn't going to leave us lost in the woods or alone in our confusion.

He does have a design.
He does have a decision.
He does have a direction.

i believe in a God who works with a plan. He isn't haphazard or random. He isn't trying to string us along or confuse us in our conundrums.

He is a designer. a director. a creator. a conductor. an architect. an arranger. 

He is God.

and what's more ...
He is not surprised by any move we make. 

He is not surprised by any path we take.

and though i believe that with everything in me, i know He is allowing us to wrestle with some things which cause us to draw closer to Him. some things which make me not want to rely on the process of myself, but to rest on the plan of my Maker.

if this resonates with you in something small or something big, then join me today in trusting Him for the answers of tomorrow.

have a big decision ahead? a little bit in fear of the future? worried you might make a wrong move? 
meditate on the black and white truth of His word.

"trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." ~ proverbs 3:5-6

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~ jeremiah 29:11

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ philippians 4:6-7

"and this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us." ~ 1 john 5:14

"and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “this is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." ~ isaiah 30:21