Sunday, February 23, 2014

a study in black and white

decisions --- don't you wish they were as black and white as these woods?

the other night, i drove up my driveway which is flanked with this small, stark, winter forest and i wished for exactly that.
i wished for everything we have on our plates right now to be as clear as this colorless landscape -- black and white and easy to read.

i don't know what's wrong with me, but i've never been especially good at decisions. as a child, my mom would have told you that's because i wanted it all. i didn't know which slice of cake to choose because there was this little part of me which just basically wanted the entire cake -- the whole kit and caboodle!

i guess the problem is,  i'm still a whole cake kind of gal.

we don't exactly have cake, but we do have some pretty big decisions on the table right now ... and those big decisions break down into lots and lots of little decisions. and there are these little people (and not so little people) in our house staring at us and wondering what we're doing. wondering what we're going to do.

the options are good, but in need of some shape, structure, some direction. a clear design. a plan to read. a path to follow. a purpose to embrace.

"and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “this is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." ~ isaiah 30:21

i want that isaiah kind of clarity. i want that clear word behind me. i want that audible voice which says WALK THIS WAY.

turn here.
take a left.
go right.
u turn ahead.
-- whatever!

is it so wrong to ask for road signs or an audible voice?

last summer, on a walk with the dog, i was heading out into these same woods when i actually did hear a voice behind me. but it was only my 10 year old calling out after me, "what's for dinner, mom?"

well, that's not exactly what i was looking for.
and, by the way, that question in our house is often a mystery, too!

but i look at this white snow and these dark trees and i wonder, why it has to be so hard ... so confusing ... so, NOT black and white. why can't God just send me a text or an email or even leave me a comment here on my blog and let me know what He wants. i guess what i really want is God to show up with his snow plow (like this wonderful, wonderful guy who takes care of our driveway) and plow me right through my deep confusion ... our deep decisions.

maybe you've been there?

maybe you are there?

maybe today you're looking out your window or looking at some woods with the same longing as me. maybe you, too, are asking God to not only show you His perfect plan, but to also make it really, really perfectly clear.

if that's your prayer today, then know, you have a friend who lives back a bit in some minnesota woods and is praying that same prayer with you today.

and take a walk with me not just in praying, but also in knowing and trusting that we have a God who isn't going to leave us lost in the woods or alone in our confusion.

He does have a design.
He does have a decision.
He does have a direction.

i believe in a God who works with a plan. He isn't haphazard or random. He isn't trying to string us along or confuse us in our conundrums.

He is a designer. a director. a creator. a conductor. an architect. an arranger. 

He is God.

and what's more ...
He is not surprised by any move we make. 
He is not surprised by any path we take.

and though i believe that with everything in me, i know He is allowing us to wrestle with some things which cause us to draw closer to Him. some things which make me not want to rely on the process of myself, but to rest on the plan of my Maker.

if this resonates with you in something small or something big, then join me today in trusting Him for the answers of tomorrow.

have a big decision ahead? a little bit in fear of the future? worried you might make a wrong move? 
meditate on the black and white truth of His word.

"trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." ~ proverbs 3:5-6

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~ jeremiah 29:11

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ philippians 4:6-7

"and this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us." ~ 1 john 5:14

"and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “this is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." ~ isaiah 30:21


Sarah said...

Thanks for sharing so openly. It's very encouraging to me! You refocused me, off the uncertainty of the future , onto the assurances go God. He's got this!

Sarah said...


Laura said...

I so needed to read your post today. It is hard to turn everything over to God and trust. Especially when it involves your child and you want to be in control. I have faith and trust in God but after 4 long years of heartache, worry, and dealing with his anger and substance issues you get worn down. I know by the grace of God he is still alive. I know I have to learn patience and in God's own time my prayers will be answered.