Cliff Clinging or Rock Resting? [Joy - Week 9]

 “May the God of hope fill you with ALL JOY + PEACE in believing, 

that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in HOPE.” Romans 15:13

Joy. Peace. Power. Hope. Aren’t these things we all deeply desire? And Paul so nicely ties them together in this Romans' verse. A logical little circle. 

Hope —> Joy —> Peace —> Power —> Hope!

I wrestled mightily with all of these words after first being diagnosed stage four. How could I have any of these things when I was stamped with an incurable disease and an incomprehensible prognosis?

Hope was reserved for stage one or two or three breast cancer, not stage four. Stage four felt like all I could do was hang on to a cliff that was quickly crumbling beneath me. When the doctors explained that we were no longer looking to cure me only to preserve some years for me, I felt utterly without hope. And certainly without joy or peace. 

Three years into this gig and you know I still wrestle a good bit. But God is doing a work in me that is nothing short of a miracle. I don’t know if He will miraculously cure my incurable disease, but He IS curing me of my doubts and disbelief. He is curing me of my natural self which wants to rest in test results or things I can pretend to control. 

He is curing me of the places I put my trust. He is curing me of the earthly desires and distractions which steal my daily attention. He is curing me of the false sense of security I have in myself. Oh, yes, He is curing me. And in His upside down Kingdom, He is using cancer to do so -- Cancer to cure me.

My joy, my peace, my power, my hope … It is never going to come from being declared cancer free. Yes, I want that. Yes, I desire that. Yes, I am asking every day for that. But, these things only—yes ONLY—come from the God of Hope. Not the god of good health or the god of here or the god of have-it-my-own-way. No, only the God of Hope. Capital G.

I would have told you I believed that for most of my life. And I sort of did. I mean I said I did. I thought I did. I tried to live like I did. But in these years of feeling like I’m clinging to a crumbling cliff, I’ve had to come to terms with what happens when the cliff finally falls away. What happens then? None of us can hang on forever. None of us will. Whether it be deemed earlier than average or a long and lusty life, it isn’t forever for any one of us. So what happens then? 

That question is everything. I’m sorry, try as we may, we really can’t ignore it.

I am waiting this week on some important blood results. We are praying and hoping for my numbers to go back down. These aren’t tumor markers which are somewhat unreliable, this is new science and it is pretty certain. I won’t have the results until end of this week or weekend. It is a long period of waiting. It is tiresome. It is trying. It is taking a toll on me and is a reminder of that crummy crumbly cliff to which I cling.

But this morning, very purposefully, Jesus met me and reminded me that it is not a cliff to which I cling, but a rock on which I rest. 

The Rock of my Salvation. The rock which reassures me of my eternity. The rock which provides shelter, security, and surety regardless of results. That Rock. 

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”  ~ Psalm 18:2

“Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer! From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:1 & 2

Not only can I rest rightly upon it, but I am hidden in it. 

I think of the story from Exodus 33 when Moses met with the Lord before leaving for the promised land. I’m pretty sure Moses would have told us that he felt like the Lord was asking a lot of him: Leave this land. Lead these people. Learn all these lessons. Maybe Moses was unsure, unconvinced, unsettled. Why did it have to be so hard? Why was the Lord asking so much? 


But instead of asking all the “why” questions, Moses asked God to show him His glory. “Now show me your glory.” Maybe he had gotten to that point where he didn't any longer need to know why, but that it was worth it. God’s glory was enough. Because God’s glory is enough.

“Then the Lord said, ‘There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.”  Exodus 33:21 & 22

I don't know about you, but I can’t help but picture myself in that cleft of His mighty rock. Me in that carefully carved out crevice and covered with the very hand of God. For His glory. Hidden. Safe. Secure. Sure.

And full of hope.

“May the God of hope fill you with ALL JOY + PEACE in believing, that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in HOPE.” Romans 15:13