Walking Each Other Home

Recently I had to go back to a group of my dearest friends and ask their forgiveness. We had been out to dinner and, I guess, unfortunately, my filter had been out to lunch. You know the filter—The one which measures the words and curbs the tongue; that filter which keeps us from doing, thinking or (a-hem) saying things we shouldn't. Yep, that one. 

For believers, that's the Holy Spirit. And though the Holy Spirit isn’t really ever out to lunch, sometimes that thing in us which hears him and obeys certainly is. Sadly, I wasn't listening to his prompting that night at dinner. My tongue wagged without restraint and I used it to discredit another person not sitting around the table. I shared too much. Bottom line: I gossiped. And I was wrong. Doesn’t even matter if what I said was true, saying it was wrong. I was wrong. 

I’ll admit this tongue and all these wild words inside of me, well, they get me in trouble sometimes. Bella’s been listening to the musical, Hamilton, on repeat this summer—she’s trying to memorize all the lyrics/raps (bless her). There’s this line in one of the songs between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton which I keep running into: “talk less, smile more.” Gosh, what a zinger! Every time it comes on, I am convicted. Yes, Jody, yes! “talk less, smile more.” 

Why is this so hard for me? Ugh. 

But hard it is. For a lot of us. So hard that James devotes an entire chapter to “taming the tongue.” Actually all five chapters of James touch on the topic. Interestingly enough, Bella is also spending this summer reading the book of James as part of her summer assignment for school. So there you go: I just can’t escape this topic, can I? Similarly to Hamilton, James instructs us right away in the very first chapter to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Later in the book James writes, “no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8). "Deadly poison" - yikes! 

But here’s the deal. Though I could go on and on about the tongue and it’s temptations (because, as we have already established, I am quite familiar with this particular struggle) the point of my writing today isn’t really about my repentance, it’s more about the response of my friends. Every one of them was quick to offer forgiveness. No one hesitated. It was beautiful and a true example of genuine grace. They all had kind, encouraging words, but my wise friend, Cathy, said something which pressed most deeply into me. “Ooh Jody, I love your heart. 'We are all just walking each other home.'” 

“Walking each other home.” Now I know that phrase is attributed to Ram Dass and he and I probably don’t agree on a whole lot spiritually, but I think we do agree on the fact of an “after life” and that we are moving toward it together in community. And regardless of our differences of theological belief, I really do love those words. 

Mostly, I love how Cathy used them in the context of Christian friendship. I love her heart behind them. I love the grace, understanding and empathy in them —None of us are doing it perfectly. None of us have got it all figured out. None of us always come up smelling like roses. None of us can go out to dinner with friends and not make a choice which might later call for some confession. What Cathy was saying was—“girl, we are in this together!” We are helping each other along. We are holding each other’s hands. We are steadfast when a sister stumbles. We are faithful when a friend falters. We are dependable when a daughter of the King takes an ugly nose dive. We are here. We are present. We are along for the ride. We are all doing the best we can walking home together — home to heaven. 

It’s not easy. We need each other. We need accountability. We need opportunity to ask forgiveness. We need community, and, what's more, we have a responsibility to extend grace. 

If we call ourselves true followers of Jesus, then THIS is how we must treat each other. When God’s word instructs us to “confess our sins to one another,” (James 5:16) it also instructs us how to respond — 

1. “Be merciful…” Luke 6:36 

2. “Bear one another’s burdens.” Galatians 6:2 

3. “Encourage one another and build one another up.” 1Thessalonians 5:11 

4. “Stir up one another to love and good works.” Hebrews 10:24 

5. “Have … sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart…” 1 Peter 3:8 

6. “Live in harmony with one another.” Romans 12:16 

7. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another.” Ephesians 4:32 

8. “Show hospitality to one another.” 1 Peter 4:9 

9. “Beloved, let us love one another.” 1 John 4:7 

10. “Keep loving one another earnestly.”1 Peter 4:8 

Nope, not always easy. I agree. But these words aren’t given as a list of God’s top 10 popular suggestions. They are required behavior for us as believers. Truth is, they make our life here on earth better when we work in tandem as empathetic sisters and brothers. God makes it clear in His word: We are in this together. And it can be beautiful -- like the grace my girlfriends showed me. We need to confess to one another, but we also need to come alongside one another.

Because, dear ones, we all [hopefully] are “just walking each other home.”

"My home is in heaven. I'm just traveling through this world." ~ Billy Graham

 

Understanding My Mother-In-Law

My mother-in-law, Marilyn, would have been 76 today. She lives now in heaven and my guess is she’s probably celebrating her birthday with a stroll along some kind of glorious ocean shoreline. Sunrise or sunset, didn’t matter, that was her happiest place here on earth—the beach. We shared that love. Actually, we shared quite a few big loves: the ocean, laughter, mission trips, dessert, Jesus, good books … and her son, my husband. 

I don’t know why that strikes me as most poignant today on her birthday, but it does. Out walking the dog this morning and a song randomly hit my playlist which always reminds me of her. It is called “Love Remains.” (lyrics/link below). I'm pretty sure the dog might have wondered what was wrong with the weepy-eyed lady walking him. Maybe a few neighbors wondered as well. But just go ahead and listen and then try tell me it doesn’t stir up something strong in you too. 

Melancholy songs aside, in the strangest of ways, it has been in this past year I feel like I have grown to better understand my mother-in-law ... to better know her. That might sound odd as she has been gone for over 6 years. I haven’t talked to her in quite some time. Sure wish I could. We had a wonderful relationship when she was alive, but in this past year, I have felt even closer to her heart. 

Her heart as a mother of a son. 

I am certain it has something to do with my own sons’ growing up. Our youngest boy is 18 and about to head to college—the same age and place when I first met Marilyn’s son, Rick. We found each other in our first month of freshman year and were immediately smitten. It’s pretty safe to say, like with most college-coeds, I never once saw that through her eyes. Sometimes we can’t see. It takes time and life to show us how to see things from the perspective of another. 

I know she was happy to have her son find the girl he would someday marry — but there’s a bittersweetness to watching our children grow up and go away with someone else. We can't help but feel a little bit left in the dust. Even when we fully approve and sincerely rejoice. It's a thing. In addition to my youngest son heading to college, I have perhaps, even more so, been impacted by our oldest son marrying this past year and giving me my very own daughter-in-law, beautiful Brooke. It was an amazing day and I couldn't be happier for him, but ask any mother about her boy getting married -- it's a big thing.

Somehow, it has been my own processing of these two milestones this year with my sons which has drawn me closer to Marilyn. I loved her from the very start, but I didn’t always fully understand her role. I didn't understand her need to stay so connected. I didn’t always understand her desire to ask questions and care deeply for my answers. Back then, I wasn’t a mother and I certainly wasn’t anywhere close to becoming a mother-in-law, I was just a girl who loved her son. And I guess in my young mind, when Rick and I married, it was really just about us. Embarrassingly enough, I wasn't so good at thinking about how our union impacted the others around us; how it felt to those who loved us most; how it felt to Rick's mom. 

Our wedding day - 1990. The day her son was married.
The day Marilyn became my mother-in-law.

As a mother, Marilyn was never overbearing, she was just appropriately and authentically interested. And though I really liked that, I probably didn’t always "get" all the emotional juggling behind it. I do now. With my recent experience of watching several kids go off to college and two go off and get married, I have a clearer glimpse into the art of letting go. 

It’s a fine line with our adult children —

This desire to speak into their lives, but not too loudly or for too long. 

This desire to be involved, but not be too instrumental.

This desire to coach, but not to coddle. 

This desire to help, but not to helicopter.

This desire to encourage, but not to enable. 

This desire to demonstrate our love, but to not demand theirs. 

It’s a little tricky, right?

And all of the mother-in-laws in the world give a collective and adamant “A-men!” 

Gosh, how we want to love our adult children well. But a big part of loving them well is fully releasing them to the lives God has waiting for them. Lives which we hope include us, but lives which are no longer very dependent on us. 

And this is how it should be. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

And sometimes, like in this year of watching my own grown boys enter college and marriage, I am reminded. Reminded of what an amazing mother-in-law God gave me almost 31 years ago. Marilyn McNatt modeled for me what it looks like to love our adult children even from a little distance. She modeled what faith looks like when our fingers can no longer be wrapped around their little hands. She modeled well how to stay within reach, but with respect for their independence. Mostly, she modeled what it looks like to say less, but to pray more.

She was truly a gift in my life ... and even continues to be one as I enter into this next season. It's pretty awesome to have a wonderful mother (and I do have one), but to also get a wonderful mother-in-law, is an extra special blessing. It's the beauty of two mothers -- and it's a gift I never want to take for granted. 

Today, on Marilyn's 76th birthday, I honor her. I loved having a mother-in-law and I now get to love being a mother-in-law. It's all truly connected and love truly does remain. 

Love Remains - by Hillary Scott

We are born, one fine day

Children of God, on our way

Momma smiles, and Daddy cries

Miracle, before their eyes

They protect us, till we're of age

And through it all, Love remains

Boy moves on, he takes a bride

She stands faithful, by his side

Tears and sweat, they build a home

And raise a family of their own

They share joy, and they share pain

And through it all, Love remain

Kingdoms come and go, but they don't last

Before we know, the future is the past

In spite of what's been lost or what's been gained

We are living proof that love remains

I don't know, baby what I'd do

On this Earth, without you

We all live, and we all die

But the end is not good-bye

The sun comes up, and seasons change

And through it all, Love remains

An eternal burning flame, 

Hope lives on, 

And Love Remains.

Love Remains - spotify

take up your cross

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” ~ Luke 9:23

It’s possibly one of the most contrary and least popular verses in the whole Bible. It's definitely a hard one. 

I mean, deny myself—Really? Take up my cross—Daily? Follow someone other than myself--Seriously?

Doesn’t everything in us just want to push back on those words and that request--excuse me--that command! Of course it does. That’s because we have this tricky thing woven right into our wiring. It’s called human nature. And, gosh, is it a pain. And even more so, it is the source of pain. Our pain.

Especially when the world loves, instead, to tell us, “to follow our hearts.” To “listen to our feelings.” To "do what feels good.” To “put ourselves first.” To “protect ourselves at all cost.” 

Who can possibly argue with the lovely allure of those sound-so-good suggestions? 

They might be easy on the ears, but, dear ones, they are lies of the lips. Dangerous because they really don’t sound all that bad. Like a flashy ring or a first love or a breath-stealing sunset, they come delightful. They come dressed in beauty. Attractive and captivating. Hard to resist and sounding so right, so wise, so wonderful. 

They sound so much like exactly what we want to hear. 

And we turn the phrases over in our minds and hold the words wishfully in our hearts. And temptation flies in our faces and taunts us something fierce.

We want these words. We want what they have to offer. Because, the truth is, we want to do what we want. 

We want to seat ourselves on the throne of our own life. Put ourselves high up on the self-made pedestal of our human desire. The world paints that picture as enlightenment and freedom. But, in actuality, it is a dark path of  bondage and emptiness. And there’s not one person walking this planet who hasn’t encountered that struggle and felt the grip of those lies all over his life.

All the way back to the beginning of time in the first garden to grow on this freshly created earth, the evil one sat ready and waiting to whisper his wanton words into the wide open ear of Eve. He played perfectly on this very thing which he knew would be her (and, ultimately our) absolute undoing. 

Asking her ...

 “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree’? Are you sure you heard it correctly? Are you sure it was translated perfectly?

Are you sure its meaning wasn’t misread? 

Misled? 

Missed all together?

Come on girl, you know you want it---The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And you will be good. In fact, “You will be like God.” You will put yourself up on the throne of your life and “you will know good and evil.”  Think of it! Take a bite of the apple and take control of your destiny. Take! Just a bite. Bite!

The devil urged just an innocent little nibble which he knew would bring the bitter bite of destroying sin for Eve, for us, forever. He knew what he was doing—What he was undoing. 

He knew it all along: This serpent, slippery and slick. This snake, cunning and crafty. Why has our world been so greatly deceived? Because the great deceiver knows exactly what he’s doing. Knows exactly how to get us to take a tiny bite and make us long wildly for so much more.

And the more we bite, the emptier we are. 

He knew back then and still knows today that at the root of our undoing is our unbelieving---our unbelief. So he does everything within his power to create questions in us about God. 

Asking us ...

Did he really say you couldn’t? Is he really all-powerful? Is he really all-loving? All-forgiving? All good? All you need? Are you sure? Does he really love you? Can he love you? 

And with the help of this depraved worldly kingdom he ignites these questions in the kindling of our hurting hearts. And these questions lead to grow the chasm of our unbelief. 

Even when we have all the right answers, our minds and hearts are still prone to wander, still prone to question whether God could possibly love us with our long list of lost ways.  

And so people run. Because it, sometimes, becomes easier to widen the chasm then it is to wrestle with all of our unwieldy what-ifs and our wonderings. Easier to increase the gap, than to investigate this God. If I can get myself far enough away from Truth, then maybe I can cover myself deep enough in the lies of ambiguity.

And we believe that lie because it’s easy. At least, easier. Until the cracks come. Because come they will. These cracks which will at some point begin to feel more like chaos than the promised calm of the crafty one. These cracks which will begin to seem more like questions than the peace and quiet of his wily words.

This, dear ones, is the spiritual battle which wages war in all of us, whether we recognize it or not.  And we find ourselves back at that uncomfortable verse in Luke 9. “Deny yourself. Take up your cross. Daily. Follow.”  Faced with a decision: To Surrender, sacrifice and submit. Or ...  to add another layer of the world’s lovely lies and life-stealing darkness. 

Deny. Take up. Follow.  None of it easy, but all of it good. None of what the world is selling, but all of it true and life-giving. 

That cross is problematic for us though, isn't it? Rough and heavy. Burdensome and bulky. But when we decided to follow Jesus we received the promise of not only eternal life, but also of a crucified life. At least here on earth. A life that means taking up the cross. Dying to self. Daily. Hourly. Always. Not perfectly, because, oh friend, that is far from possible, but daily committing ourselves and renewing ourselves in His Word and His Will for our life.

I want to impress upon you that I don’t think this is easy. For our human hearts which tend to desire the path of least resistance, this feels unnatural and even sometimes downright impossible. Why can’t we just float along leading comfy, compartmentalized lives doing a little bit of what we want and little bit of what He says and call it a day.

It’s hard. For all of us. For you, if you’re honest. For me, when I'm honest. So hard. 

But hard doesn’t mean wrong. Just as easy doesn’t mean right. 

Take up your cross. 

“In this world you will have trouble.” Not might have. Not possibly have. You WILL have trouble. But even in that trouble, Jesus promises good news: “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Take up your cross.

I know. It feels kind of opposite of what the world urges. But He tells us clearly that that’s how it will appear to this world. Like foolishness. Like folly. Like freakish behavior. “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

Take up your cross. 

I know. It is heavy. Somedays, too heavy. But he isn't asking us to carry it alone. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will rind rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Take up your cross.

I know. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel like what our hearts are telling us to do. But His word is clear--even our own hearts are not to be trusted. That seemingly sweet advice “to follow your heart,” man, it sounds so good. So spot on. But, guess what God's word says? “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 The evil deceiver strategically uses the deceit of our hearts, because he is a swindler, a con man, and a thief. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it ABUNDANTLY.” John 10:10

The devil uses the heart deceitfully leading to death. 

But, God redeems the heart eternally leading to life.

Abundant. Eternal. Crucified. Wonderful Life.

Take up your cross. 

Deny yourself. 

Daily. 

Follow.  

Him.

And live.