Back then as a college senior and a woman barely into my twenties I would never have been able to imagine what three decades and six years later might look like. I would have probably laughed if someone had told me what 2026 would bring for the (almost) new Mrs. McNatt. Me, a girl with stars in her eyes and a sparkly beat in her heart. Rick and I, with our dreams and our hopes and our bright future together. No, on that August wedding eve in 1990, life was nothing but a fairytale. An absolutely beautiful fairytale.
And for so many years it continued to be so. I can’t complain. What a beautiful life we built together. God richly blessed us with five children and 35 wonderful years, side by side. Not perfect, by any means, but a gift. We found out early on the fairytale actually took a whole lot of work. But work, we did. We worked together because we wanted to honor each other and our vows before God. We worked together, mostly, because we loved each other deeply and our marriage and family was worth every bit of the hard work. Like I said, a gift.
But that wedding rehearsal on August 24th, 1990 only showed us how to walk down the aisle and where to stand once in front of our minister. It didn’t give us one clue how to walk through the hard days or where to stand in the devastation life can bring. No, for those things it wasn’t our fairytale which would see us through, but our faith in God.
And that still holds true today on this night before my wedding anniversary with my bridegroom now gone. It still holds true in these days after taking our youngest to college this past weekend without him by my side. It still holds true as I am forced to walk the road of cancer now as a widow. And it still holds true as my house is packed up and I prepare to move from it next week.
The fairytale has fallen apart. The dream is being dismantled before my very eyes. The pretty white wedding dress is crushed in a cardboard box down in my dusty basement right now as I type these words out tonight. I found the box this week while packing. Sitting on a shelf right next to our wedding china which we haven’t used in many years. Fairytales can be lovely, but they won’t see us through the fires of life. They simply cannot.
But I am writing tonight to tell you that 36 years after saying “I do” at the altar before God, I cling tighter to my Lord and Savior now more than ever. Even now. Even after losing my health, my husband, and (soon) my home. Even after the fairytale has been burned up in the fire of sorrow and so much loss, I still choose to say “I do” to Jesus. He is, and always will be, the Lover of my soul.
I don’t know why my life has taken the turn it has. I woke this morning with a random eye infection. I was like, “Seriously, God, an eye infection in the middle of this massive move?” I am literally falling apart lately. And, I suppose, by all accounts, that would be understandable and expected. But, even in all of this, somehow I hear the voice of my Savior spurring me on. Somehow I feel His presence pulling me close. Somehow He comes and quiets my soul in the darkest nights and the deepest valleys. I can’t even really understand it all, but somehow I know I can trust it. I can trust Him.
No, this isn’t a fairytale, but it is very much a faith tale. And I don’t mean my faith, but God’s faithfulness to me. I can’t take even a smidgen of credit. My faith has been, at best, pretty wobbly this year, but His faithfulness remains sure and steady and so clearly seen. And so tonight, on this eve of my first wedding anniversary without Rick, I made the decision to honor God by sharing ---with anyone who might take a minute to read these words -- the gift of His faithfulness. No matter what you're going through. No matter how hard the road or how hot the fire, you can trust the Lord to see you through. He never promised it would be easy. He certainly never promised it would always be a fairytale.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33
Walking down the wedding to aisle to Rick was one of the best decisions of my life. But walking each day with Jesus is life.
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