On February 3rd, 2022 my life changed. Some of you know of what it is I write. There’s a date you hold as well. A date when something happened or some news was given and life as you knew it imploded. Exploded. Everything changed—your perspective, your approach, your trajectory, your outlook, your mindset … maybe, even your future. Changed. In the blink of an eye. Just like that. Altered.
I had just pulled into my parking spot at Home Depot when the doctor called me and said, “I’m so sorry, Jody.” I have no idea what it was I was heading into Home Depot for, but I know, whatever the item, it didn’t get purchased that day. After ending the call and sitting in stunned silence for a few minutes, I somehow managed to put my car in drive and get myself home. I almost stayed right there in my parking spot and called my husband to come get me. But I just couldn’t break that news to him outside a home improvement store. This news wasn’t going to improve our home in the least bit and the irony felt too much.
That was a heavy day. But let me skip ahead to the next day—February 4th—when I woke up and weakly opened my devotional and read these words:
“Every day you preach to yourself some kind of gospel —a false “I can’t do this” gospel or the true “I have all I need in Christ” gospel.”
Please take a minute to read the entire devotional in the picture attached. You’ll see where I notated the date 2/3/22.
That line: “When you face a disease that you thought you’d never face, what gospel will you preach to you?” That was the question I was faced with on the day after a grim, but certain, diagnosis. And what a message to read the morning after receiving this life changing news, right?
God didn’t waste a single moment. From day one of diagnosis He made clear my marching orders in this battle: Preach to yourself the true gospel, Jody! Preach the gospel that propels you toward courage and hope, not despondency and fear. Tripp in his “New Morning Mercies” devotional writes, “No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do.” So true. The constant conversation we have with ourselves fuels so much of what we think, feel and believe. That little voice inside our head has such an enormous impact on our lives. It is exactly why we must run toward truth. God’s Truth, not our own. The world so wants to convince us that we must pursue our own version of truth. Dear ones, there is no greater lie. We simply cannot achieve hope and courage from ourselves. Not even deep down. Not digging deep. Not trying hard. Not being strong. Not keeping on, keeping on. Sure we might for a minute or two muster up a few brave attempts. But not when the hard stuff hits. No way. After four years battling the mind game of stage four, I am more convinced of this than ever.
These four years have stripped me of myself in so many ways. The fact that I can continue on with joy and purpose and hope is a testimony only to Jesus. Only to the power of Him at work within me. It has nothing to do with Jody. Oh yes, be sure, she used to pride herself greatly on her ability to hold it all together pretty well, but this diagnosis has completely crushed that flimsy, little crown. And praise be to God. Praise God that He reminds me daily my fleeting earthly crown has been exchanged for an eternal one. I do not celebrate cancer, no, but I am convinced there are lessons learned and gifts given which prove far greater treasure because my flimsy crown of self-reliance has been utterly decimated with this diagnosis. And, again I write, praise be to God.
But … sometimes I do miss me. I miss that girl who could get it all done. I miss her confidence and capability. I don’t like being weak and having to rely on others. I hate the constant fatigue and feelings of never-ending exhaustion. I hate the attacks on my peace. I don’t like limping along like I am these days. But what if God is gifting me something greater than myself? What if your struggles and your hurdles and your hardships are doing the same for you? What if? Will it be worth it? Maybe not worth it right this very minute, but if we have eyes turned toward eternity it surely will. It depends entirely on our perspective—earthly or eternal. The here and now or the then? That. Is. Everything.
What is the gospel you preach to yourself? Is it one of hope and courage or are you feeding yourself the evil one’s lies of despair and fear? And if so, how do we change the narrative in our heads? Will it take a life-altering diagnosis—I hope not—but there is a choice, even now. A choice to hear God’s voice through His Holy Word and His Holy Spirit. Ask Him. Ask Him to help you preach the gospel of truth to yourself. What do you have to lose other than your own flimsy, (good-for-nothing) earthly crown?
Go ahead. Ask Him. He will answer you and He will change you.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.”
Psalm 40:1-4
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