the year i didn't vote

i didn’t vote in the last presidential election. i couldn’t. physically i showed up and even stood in line for a bit, but unable to make myself enter the building, i, instead, climbed back into my car heavy-hearted, tearful and under a thick blanket of shame. 

and for days, weeks, even months … i felt pretty embarrassed that i had failed to accomplish what those before me had fought for with such passion. voting is not just a right, it’s a privilege. and, what’s more, it’s my civic responsibility. 

if my lessons in history serve me correctly, it’s a right women didn’t possess until exactly 100 years ago when in 1920 the women’s suffrage movement resulted in the 19th amendment. 

i felt like a disappointment to my womanhood, to my country and, mostly, to myself.

our country’s freedom is rooted in this constitutional right. we live in a free country. no, it is not free from problems. it is not free from division. it is not free from injustice. it is not free from disagreements or bad decisions. it is not free from strife or ugliness or atrocities.

but, friends, let us never forget it is FREE. 

and voting is one thing all of us can do to protect that freedom. 

all the way home from that polling place four years ago i kept thinking about the phrase which is so popular in the month of november when we celebrate our veterans —“freedom is not free.” i believe that. i believe it deeply. i believe that there is a cost and a price to pay for the things we so easily and quickly take for granted. and if men and women are willing to risk their lives and fight for our country, why wasn’t i able to make myself enter a makeshift polling booth and check a simple box? 

it was ridiculous. inconceivable. embarrassing.

i was asked to cast my vote, not lay my life on the line and yet, i couldn’t. the battle within me felt so great that year. i struggled prodigiously with both candidates. without going into all the details, it came down to the fact that i didn’t agree with hillary clinton’s platform, and i didn’t like donald trump’s person. there. there it is. i said it. 

yes, it’s a very simplistic version of what i was wrestling with, but too simple or not, it’s where i was that year. and i’m writing this today because i believe i wasn’t alone 4 years ago and i am not alone today. 

but that shameful moment in the last election, has compelled me to spend more time researching, listening, reading and watching in this current presidential race. 

and because God works in such amazing ways, just this past week i received a gift in an unlikely place—my youngest daughter’s history class. i was helping her study for a big test on ancient history. they’ve been spending a good deal of time making connections between ancient history and the old testament in the bible. one of the essay questions that students were to prepare for asked “what kind of people does God use to accomplish His glory?” 

when i asked bella the question she quickly answered, “God doesn’t use perfect people, He uses messy people. He uses broken people and people who do and say dumb things and make bad decisions sometimes.” in this essay question she was going to have to give three examples of people that demonstrated this and so we went on to discuss the different people her class had been studying. 

[abraham] the father of many nations, was childless and old as dirt when God approached him with His plan. abraham grew up worshipping man-made idols and yet he was the one with whom God chose to make His covenant and bring forth the line Israel and, ultimately, Jesus. when God first presented abraham with this promise of a great nation, the bible says abraham and his wife laughed at God. an ideal candidate? absolutely not.

[joseph] we know the story of joseph: one of the youngest of the 12 sons of jacob. his brothers threw him in a pit and sold him into slavery. as a slave in egypt he found himself imprisoned and yet rose to a position of importance and power. and yet it was joseph who ultimately set the stage for the story of the israelites and their exodus out of egypt with moses.

bella didn’t mention moses in her essay, but he was another one. a man who began his life with a death warrant and had to be abandoned by his family in a woven basket floating down the nile river. a man who in anger murdered an eqyptian and hid the body in sand. a man who had problems with his speech and probably his confidence, but a humble man whom God mightily used to lead the israelites out of egypt and to the promised land.

[david] a king who got his start as a mere shepherd boy. a boy who defeated the giant goliath with a rough stone and sling. the boy who grew into a man who made the mistake of sleeping with bathsheba, killing her husband and tangling himself up in a web of lies. david, a pretty messy man, but who, in his brokenness and sin, penned many of the psalms that sum up our own internal struggles today. david an earthly king who was called  “a man after God’s own heart.” 

are you kidding me? none of these men of faith had pristine backgrounds or perfect track records. not one of them would have been voted as "most likely to succeed" in their senior year of high school. in fact, they probably wouldn't have been voted on for anything. the list of their mistakes and problems is egregious. and the list of people God uses in the bible that are just like them is even greater. God loves to use the sinner for His purposes of salvation. that is the story of the bible in its essence—God bringing redemption in a rogue world overflowing with rebellious people. and it's good news for us today! the only perfect, sinless person to walk this earth was His own son, Jesus. the rest of us … well, forget about it. none of us are without blemish and blame. and yet God in His goodness rescues us and offers to replace our ugliness with His beautiful work of redemption. and, regardless our track record, He gives us the gift of freedom in Him. not because we deserve it, but because He has decreed it. He is God.

my hope is not placed with a candidate on the ballot, it is with Christ who died on the cross for my sins. my security doesn’t rest in the one who ultimately sits in the oval office, but is resolute in the One who sits Holy on His throne in heaven. yes, the election matters. it matters deeply, but, loved ones, take heart: God is in control. He will use the broken person He allows to be called president. 

what’s more, we don’t have to fear it. our days will not be one more or one less than what God has ordained and written in His book. clearly, fear is running rampant in our country right now. gosh, so much of what i’m hearing feels desperate. but let our desperation, dear ones, lead us not to scrutinize the candidates, but let it first lead us to the scrutiny of our own hearts. this world will come to a crashing end and not because of any president’s poor decisions but because of our Holy God’s promise. 

our rescue won’t come in making our country “right.” i'm afraid no man or woman in office can make it so. rescue comes when we become right with God. not perfect, not sinless, but right.    

i will vote for donald trump in this election. and, again, not because i like how he always conducts himself or communicates. in my opinion, he can be unpleasant, even unpalatable. if you aren’t a trump fan, gosh, i get it. he has made some major mistakes. he offends and he frustrates. but after spending time digging deeper into what is behind this man and his crass exterior, i have arrived at a peace because it is not about him. my research has led me to feel confident that he is surrounding himself with people who are, by no means perfect, but humbly pursuing more biblical values. and, at the end of the day,  these are the values which matter most to me. 

that doesn’t mean i don’t see the unsightly chinks in his armor, friends. no need to give me a long list of his faults and unseemly behaviors. i promise, i’ve done my research, i’ve listened to both sides, i know what they are.  i know i am not voting for a perfect president, i am resting in the fact that my perfect God uses imperfect people to accomplish His plan and His glory. 

i’m pretty sure the people of israel also found great fault with moses as he led them out of egypt and david as he ruled them from his throne in jerusalem. our hope is not--and has never been—in mere man, but in the Maker of all men.

maybe you aren't worried about what the bible has to say. and if that's the case, i'm quite sure what i've written here is nothing but nonsense to you. if you aren't following God why would His Word shape your views? it wouldn't. it won't. it can't. the two go hand-in-hand. if you follow God, you follow His Word. if you follow His Word, it is because you are following God. outside of that, all bets are off. i couldn't agree more--none of this can make a bit of sense if that's not the case. even the bible says "the message of the cross is foolishness" to those who don't believe. (1 corinthians 1:18).

i haven't ever been very vocal about my voting choices or my politics partly because i don't want to turn off or away those who people who think differently. i want my friends and family on all sides of the issues to know i'm squarely in their corner. even if we don't line up on who we follow or what we believe, it doesn't change my love for them … not even my respect. in a spirit of humility, i'll say it once and i'll it a thousand times: as a Christ follower i care far more who you LIVE FOR than who you choose to VOTE FOR.  making the God of heaven known to you is far more important to me than making known the man of earth for whom i will vote. 

if you've read this this far, thank you. thank you for giving me a chance to express my thoughts and share my feelings. i want to assure you, whatever you choose to do on election day, i will not sit in judgment of you and i have no animosity toward you. none whatsoever. 

this year, with the beautiful reminder that my God brings victory in broken and very unlikely places — like in this world and like in me — this year, this year i will vote. 

"but the Lord sits enthroned forever; He has established His throne for justice."  - psalm 9:7