nesting

i spent the day moving things from here to there. 

important stuff like placing random crayons back into the crayon box. separating pencils and pens from the general fray of the junk drawer.  closets were emptied and reorganized.  papers were shuffled and tossed.  puzzle pieces reunited with their correct boxes.  that kind of thing.

there are now piles heading to goodwill and piles heading to the growing garbage heap.  cushions were removed. couches were cleaned. clothes were sorted.  i've seen this kind of behavior before.  four times to be exact.   

i am nesting.  

i am readying the nest for a new addition. it's what we mamas just do when the time draws close. it is our instinct.  and i do my very best to use this extra, innate energy to the fullest.

the nest is definitely more in need of readying as we add the fifth than it was adding the first child.   truth be told, the nest has gotten a little out of hand lately.   i still can't get over how similar adoption is to a pregnancy. i am officially in my third trimester, i suppose.  i have arrived at that scary place where my husband just shakes his head and answers, "yes, dear... sure, honey...whatever you say, sweetheart." (i really like this part of the deal).  i keep reminding him i've asked for no late night cheeseburgers or cartons of mint chocolate chip. but we have clearly entered that final month of waiting.  her room is ready. and i am in the process of getting everything else ready.  i am making lists of items we need.  i am making lists of things to be done.  i am making lists.  

i guess somewhere in the back of my mind, i believe that everything will be smoother if EVERYthing is in place.  come on jody, i tell myself, when is EVERYthing ever in place in a family of six?  impossible.  we live in a constant state of movement. we are always in search of that elusive roll of scotch tape...always on the hunt for shoes...always hunting for socks which match and finding spoons buried in the garden.  

that is life with four children.  

this is not a magazine layout, folks -- nowhere close! but, nonetheless, i spend countless hours preparing. i find myself up in her closet touching her clothing...rearranging toddler items...imagining her in the bath tub.  recently i had a vision of her on our driveway.  not really a vision.  (at least not in the preternatural sense -- thankfully).  just a picture of her.  a picture of bella drawing with sidewalk chalk.  

can you see it?  

i can.  

i see a sibling or two around her showing her, demonstrating, modeling.  i am pretty certain she has never drawn on a driveway.  i am pretty certain even a driveway is a completely foreign idea.  some of you stop me in the hallways of our church or in the aisles of the market to tell me you are getting so excited about her near arrival.  i ran into my friend, allison, at school this morning and she hugged me saying she she can't believe we are getting so close.  "i have chill bumps on my arms!" she said and showed them to me.  indeed, there they were.  

chill bumps or goosebumps for a little girl in china - oh, how wonderful.  

last night at a school meeting, my friend, beverly, brought me a few more sweet dresses she is passing down from her daughter, lilia.  dresses for bella.  she had been carrying them around and wanted to make sure i got them.  they are now hanging in bella's closet.  ready for wearing.  we both think the yellow gingham will be perfect on her.  oh, we know there is much ahead that is hard and challenging and demanding, but i am so thankful that God provides these tender moments to linger in a closet or hug a friend or picture a little girl on a driveway with a fistful of pink chalk.   

God is allowing me these rose-colored pictures as encouragement.   He knows i know enough to be more than intimidated by bringing home a child with a heart condition.  but, He is not allowing me to set down too long in that overwhelming place.  He is encouraging the sunlight.  He is encouraging the sweetness.  He is encouraging the beauty that will be ours -- regardless.  i am so very thankful.  

isn't it amazing how He has created that little something in women that causes us to prepare for a new child? that is simply and truly a thing of beauty.  of course it is also rather practical.  i'd hate it if i was steeped in lethargy right now.  i am in need of this little boost of energy and, by golly, i'm making the most of it.

my friend, kelly, stopped over unexpectedly one night this week.  she handed me a box.  inside was of all things A NEST.   it is just the sweetest thing.  placed within this nest are 5 sort of egg shaped rocks.  on each rock is engraved the names of our children -- including bella!  oh my, i could just cry!  it is downright breathtaking.  i have it in the kitchen right now and look at it often.   i know my children think this bird thing is getting out of hand.  they probably wonder if i am slowly replacing them all with bird paraphenalia.  one day emily counted "bird items" around the house.  in protection of my children's privacy, i won't publish the number.  they probably think i am headed for the crazy-cat-lady-house.  maybe.  but for a woman who loves a theme -- well, i'm kind of tickled.   just for the record, i realize this story isn't about THE NEST.  no, not one bit.  bella will come home and i guarantee there will be dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor.  the nest will most likely have unidentifiable smudges on windows and soap scum in the showers.  because that's our life, no matter how hard we work to get it all ready, our nest is a bit of a mess.  

a mess, yes.  but blessed. 

and when she comes home our nest will be full.